Things People Have Said to Me Lately
Just a few things people have felt the need to say to me over the past few weeks:
“Be careful not to drink that upholstery cleaner we brought you, because that’ll kill you.” [My mum]
“Have you put that upholstery cleaner away yet? It’s just, we’re worried you’re going to drink it by accident...”[My dad]
“You haven’t drunk any of that upholstery cleaner, have you?” [Terry]
(Seriously, WHAT IS IT with my family and the freaking upholstery cleaner?!)
“When you’re loading the dishwasher, make sure you put the knives sharp-side down. Otherwise you might trip and impale yourself on them.” [My mum]
[In response to a suggestion from my dad that I buy ‘giant floor-cleaning slippers’] “No, because Amber would fall on her ass in them and hurt herself…” [My mum, again…]
“Don’t ever stand under a wind turbine…” [Guess who?]
No prizes for spotting the general theme of these statements. Or for guessing which of my parents I inherited the “worry” gene from.
Honestly, though: you’d almost think I was the kind of person who’d throw her socks down the toilet or… oh.
Rachel
My mum once threw her knickers in the toilet….but she also toned a phaxi so she was clearly a drunkard that night. To my 9 year old self it was hilarious! Unfortunately for her I won’t let her forget it! Although I’m the one who once used nail varnish remover as toner….
Rosanna
Rachel, I once used nail polish remover as eye make up remover. Ouch. You would think the whiff of acetone as it passed by my nose on the way to my eyes would have made me suspect I was doing something wrong!
Funnily enough I do these silly things most often when I’m alone so thankfully most people don’t realise quite how clumsy I am!
BTW Amber are Giant floor cleaning slippers a thing? I NEED them. I wonder if I could get them for the dog!
Amber
I’ve done the nail-polish-instead-eye-makeup-remover thing too – I’m sure there’s a post somewhere in the archive about it! I’m strangely relieved to know I’m not the only one, although it looks like the makers of nail polish remover really need to have a think to themselves about how to differentiate it from toner etc! (Er, other than writing ‘nail polish remover’ on the bottles, obviously…)
Rosanna, I don’t think they’re designed for floor-cleaning, exactly, but he was talking about those big, fluffy, sock-like ones you get (they had them in Ikea, which is how the subject came up) – my dad thought they’d come in handy with my floor-cleaning obsession!
Moni
… and here we come full circle, because I’m always tempted to use facial toner as eye make-up remover.
So far I haven’t, but I often find myself spilling the toner on the cotton pad and then moving it up to my eyes, always stopping in the very last instant.
I’m also infamous for having the “trample” ability (Any players of “Magic: The Gathering” here?) and always being loudest when I’m specifically trying to move quietly…
Fran
Well, in the last week, I managed to scald myself with water from the kettle, so my boyfriend now is all BE CAREFUL WITH EVERYTHING. And I can’t even say he’s wrong…still annoying though. :p
Mana
I’m an absolute klutz, and my husband says he loves when I cook, because he learns new ways to pair bad words together. I once *almost* brushed my teeth with diaper rash cream, but I could probably put that down to new mom tiredness (it wasn’t).
Mana
Fashion and Happy Things
Fi
You did almost put bleach in your coffee once. You can kind of see their point.
I put antifreeze in my car’s windscreen washer bottle once. Not life threatening but it wouldn’t have done my paintwork much good. xx
lily kate
Your posts always make me laugh Amber! My mum seems to check every time I take my makeup off that I’m not using nail polish remover on my face, because I can’t read labels of course!
lily x
http://www.jolihouse.com
Suki
Well I’m glad you’re Mum says this stuff to you, it makes me feel normal about the things I say to my pregnant daughter, she has recently moved into a new flat and had to buy a number of things for it, my hair stood on end when I saw the new “sharp” knives and told her to use the old blunt ones for now, I took down a mirror she had up hanging on a nail (I was sure it was going to leap off the wall at any second). Yesterday I was trying to put her off eating the chicken she had defrosted incase of food poisoning….it’s wearing me out….I’m buying bubble wrap for the baby and a crash helmet just to be on the safe side.