I feel like it’s been a long time since I wrote anything really personal here.
I’ve been wanting to change that, but it’s been hard, because… actually, that’s probably another post, for another day. (*Has idea for another post.* *Hopes she still remembers it in the morning.*) In the meantime, though, in a bid to get back into the habit of writing about things other than outfits, or days out, or whatever, I thought I’d make a feeble attempt to re-start the Friday 5 – which, as some of you may recall, is a long-running internet meme, in which someone provides a list of five questions, which all of the participants have to answer on their blogs. You could do it too, actually, if you have a blog: it would make me feel less alone. No? Just me?
OK, well, this week’s questions come from this Friday 5 site, and they’re actually questions from a couple of weeks ago, because… I just didn’t fancy the most recent ones. Look at me, all rebellious! Actually, to be totally honest, cheating on the Friday 5 questions is about as “rebellious” as it gets for me, and I’m starting to feel guilty as I type this, so I guess I better just get on with it, before I chicken out. Here you go…
1. Would you ever go “under the knife” (or laser, or dental pick) for cosmetic purposes? What and why, and would it really be worth it?
Yup: I’ve already spent a small fortune on cosmetic dentistry, and on having two moles removed from my face, and I can honestly say it was the best investment I’ve ever made – in fact, my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. (Like, before my wedding, for instance…) I’m absolutely terrified of the idea of surgery, though (what I had done was very minor, and under a local anaesthetic, so it wasn’t a huge deal for me), so I wouldn’t want to do anything too major, or anything that would really change my appearance: not because I love my appearance, you understand, but just because I think it would be super-weird to look in the mirror and not actually recognise yourself. My take on surgery, though, is that if something really bothers you, and there’s an easy fix, that you can afford to do, why not? The issues I had were ones which were really affecting my self-confidence: a lifetime of being told that I should “just learn to love myself!” hadn’t made one bit of difference to that, but fifteen minutes and a local anaesthetic totally changed my life (Well, OK, not really: it did make a huge difference to my self-esteem, though), so yes, it was SO worth it.
2. Describe your dream home, including location, design, and who/what’s in there with you.
Mid-century modern with tons of light, lots of glass, minimal interior and infinity pool, probably either in the Hollywood hills or somewhere with a sea view. And obviously Terry would be with me, because I’ll lose some major wife points if I say I’d take someone else, won’t I?
3. You have one month to travel the world, all expenses paid. Where do you go and what do you do once you arrive?
This question makes me anxious, seriously: I do NOT want to travel the WHOLE WORLD in a month – that sounds exhausting. I mean, it takes me at least four days to recover from the jetlag just from travelling to the west coast of America, so I can’t even imagine how bad I’d feel if I had to squeeze the entire WORLD into a month. And how would you even pack for that? I’m starting to hyperventilate, now: I think I might have to go and clean something to calm myself down.
OK, serious hat on: I’m not going to sit down and work out a logical travel itinerary, but the main places I’d like to visit (that I haven’t already seen) would be New York, Hawaii, Japan, Santorini, aaaand now all of the OTHER places in the world are all crowding into my head, shouting, “Me! Me! Pick me!” and I’m starting to stress out again about how I’m going to see the world in four weeks. Why do I do this to myself?
Oh, and when I arrived, I’d probably go do all of the usual touristy things for each place – because I’m pretty basic like that, and because I don’t really understand people who go out of their way to avoid that stuff. Like, “Oh, yes, I went to Paris, but OF COURSE I didn’t go to see the Eiffel Tower!” Who DOES that?
4. What scares the bloody heck out of you? Would you face it down if someone paid you? What’s your price?
I’ve already written at length about my phobia of crabs, so today I’ll go for my other big phobia, which is having to have a general anaesthetic. The thought of it absolutely TERRIFIES me – as in, I’ve had nightmares about it and everything. I’m not so scared of what would happen to me AFTER that (I mean, I’m 100% sure I’d either die during surgery, or would be one of those people who was secretly awake for the whole thing, but unable to communicate. Neither of those things scares me as much as the general anaesthetic, though – and at this point I will ask you to kindly refrain from posting any general anaesthetic horror stories in the comments section, because this is a real phobia for me, and you will scare me to death if you do. I’m being serious.), because I’m fairly good at gritting my teeth through medical procedures, and trusting the professionals to do their job, but the thought of losing consciousness, knowing it was about to happen, and not being able to stop it is so frightening to me that you literally couldn’t pay me to do it: seriously, not for all the money, or pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes in the world…
5. You’re stranded on an island. What five simple items do you have with you? How do you survive? Anyone in particular you’d like to be stranded with? What would they bring to the table?
OK, can I just say that I hate this question, and the way that it almost always crops up in things like this? Because it’s not even that interesting a question, is it? It’s also not like it’s something that’s ever going to happen, but anytime I’m asked it I can’t seem to stop myself taking it super-seriously, and then I’m sitting there panicking, thinking, “Well, I’d get really sunburnt without sunscreen, so I guess that would have to be ALL of my five things? How long will I be on the island, though? What if I run out of sunscreen? Are there crabs on the island? WAAAAH!”
Anyway, five things:
02. THE INTERNET (Shut up, it’s my island, I’ll take whatever I like…)
03. MASCARA (For when I get rescued. Well, I don’t want to look like I have no eyelashes, do I?)
04. TWEEZERS/RAZOR (Also for when I get rescued, or the rescuers will think I’m a bear or something…)
05. I CAN’T THINK OF A NUMBER FIVE. WHY CAN’T I THINK OF A NUMBER FIVE? This is why I hate questions like this: I mean, if I have the internet, I’ll be able to read books and listen to music on that (also, NETFLIX) , so I don’t need books or other entertainment, and I’m assuming food will be provided on the island – mostly because if I had to take my own food, that would make this question even MORE boring to answer. Will food be provided on the island? It won’t? OK, then food. Or, failing that: an imagination. I will take an imagination to the island, so I can try to come up with a much more entertaining answer to this question.
HOW DO I SURVIVE: Honestly? I just wouldn’t. There is literally NO WAY I would survive on a desert island. (Wait! Unless the island is, like, Hawaii, maybe? Because the question doesn’t actually say it’s a DESERTED island, does it? Is this a trick question? Why am I so confused right now?) I mean, have you SEEN me in the kitchen? Survive on an island? Don’t make me laugh…
WHO WOULD I LIKE TO BE STRANDED WITH: Again, I have to say Terry, don’t I? If he can’t come, though, because he’s already in the dream house from question 2, I guess I’ll take Bear Grylls. He seems like he’d be a useful person to have around.
WHAT WOULD HE BRING TO THE TABLE? Well, food, I hope. Bear Grylls would bring food to the table – or he can consider himself un-invited to the table. He would also kill any crabs that came near me, because if I even had to SEE a crab, I would legit die, and I’m not joking.
So, there you have it: a brief resurrection of the Friday Five, which I may or may not continue next week, depending on how interesting the questions are. Like, if that “who would you invite to a dinner party” one comes up, I’m OUT, seriously. Also, since this post is already totally disjointed, and all over the place, really, now seems as good a time as any to say a quick but heartfelt thank you to everyone who has bought my book so far, and an even bigger thank-you to those who’ve taken the time to leave me a review over on Amazon. Your words really mean the world to me, and I can’t thank you enough for doing that for me: in fact, I think I’m just going to ditch Bear Grylls, and take YOU to the desert island instead. Er, you CAN catch and cook wildlife, can’t you? Just checking…