A Humbug Halloween

It’s Halloween, folks, which means it’s time to get out this (very scary) picture of Rubin:


And, with that out of the way, it’s time for me to reveal that I freaking hate Halloween. I know, I know – shocking, isn’t it? But I just don’t get it. Sure, I can see how it would be fun if you were a child, or if you were going to a party of some kind (any excuse for a party is a good one in my book), but all you adults who are practically wetting yourselves with excitement at the prospect of Halloween? I just don’t understand you. And also? I’m glad you don’t live in my street, because we don’t give candy to adults. Oh hell, no. In fact, we don’t give candy to kids either, and that’s because there IS NO CANDY. I ate it. Sorry.

Now, I know you’re all probably shrieking in disbelief at the screen right now and exclaiming about how it’s the BEST! HOLIDAY! EVER! and how you’re SO! EXCITED! but I just don’t understand why. You see, to my mind Halloween is, at best, a bit of a half-assed "celebration", and, at worst, downright dangerous.

I mean, if you were to read any of the UK tabloids (not generally recommended, although it can be good for a laugh), you would know that pretty much every second person in the country right now is a paeodophile – sorry, a "FILTHY PAEDO SCUM!". All year, parents work hard to protect their children from danger. Hell, in some schools in our area, you’re not even allowed to take pictures at your kid’s Christmas Nativity Play, because some other parent might object on the grounds that you, yourself, could be a paeodophile. So, all year we tell our children not to talk to strangers, and then, on October 31st, we send them out into the night with the instruction to go knock on strangers’ doors and beg for candy. Seriously, what’s that about? Does "stranger danger" stop existing just because it’s Halloween or something?

Now, to be fair, not all parents are like this. Some actually accompany their children to the strangers’ doors, and while I still think it’s a little odd to teach your kids that it’s OK to beg strangers for candy (and threaten them with Bad Things if they don’t cough up), I guess there’s no arguing with that. But what the hell, I’ll argue with it anyway…

See, here in Scotland, the tradition used to be that, as well as dressing up, trick or treaters would have to actually do something to earn their candy. (This was all fields then.) So, they’d knock on the door, then they’d have to tell a joke, or sing a song or… generally they’d just tell a joke or sing a song. Now? Nothing. They just ring the doorbell and then stand there with their hands out. In fact, some of the little beggars (and I use that word in its truest sense) aren’t even dressed up. Some of them, aren’t even children, really: they’re teenagers who wait until all the little kids have gone to bed, then come round and expect you to give them money – just because it’s Halloween and they’re standing on your doorstep.

I’m really glad I already ate all the candy.

  • Jay


    Candy? I should be so lucky. The little sods round here ALL want money regardless of their ages. Some demand it, then chuck eggs, stones, flour or paint at your house if you don't give them any. Some of them chuck stuff at your house even if you DO give them something. Grrrrr. I hate Halloween.

    October 31, 2007
  • I am SOOOOO against the whole teenagers trick-or-treating. Just go buy your own stupid bag of candy tomorrow when it will all be on sale. And then you won't be stuck with all the nasty cheap candy.

    October 31, 2007
  • Am so glad I have someone else who is with me no this!

    October 31, 2007
  • mum


    Aww Rubin makes a guest appearance on Forever Amber. Err don't ever tell him what he's wearing, he is a wolf after all.

    October 31, 2007
  • I must tell you that we don't do anything at all for Halloween. Well, except dress up my westie puppy in a goofy pumpkin hat and take her picture. LOL

    Douglas (my husband) says the same thing about kids going around begging. We don't answer the door. I turn the light off to the front of the house and we go in the back of the house to watch television. We haven't got kids so we don't have to explain to them WHY we aren't going to let them go around to strangers houses and beg for things. The dogs don't really care about it and the cats can't be bothered. hehe

    October 31, 2007
  • I agree completely. Living in a flat we just don't answer the buzzer all evening and the neighbours do the same – if they can't get in the building they can't get to my front door, right?! But this morning I came out onto our street to be met with broken eggs, to find all our bins had been tipped over, and many of the bus stops had been tp-ed. Living in the city, and I'm pretty sure this was largely the result of drunken adult behaviour. Which is ok, afterall, because it was halloween. Grrrr.

    November 1, 2007
  • Amber,
    Does this mean we can't be friends…say it isn't so!

    November 2, 2007
  • I really hate what Halloween has become in Scotland.

    Let's hear it for guisers, tumshie lanterns and dookin' for apples.

    Pumpkins, trick and treating and the endless shelves of halloween merchandising should be banned.


    November 2, 2007
  • Rubin! Such a cutie.

    November 2, 2007
  • emmao414


    John had to listen to the exact same ranting from me on halloween nite, with the curtains pulled, and the lights down low!

    But the whole singing thing? thats the same here in NI, or so i thought. Only got about 6 callers, from saturday night til wednesday night, and 4 sang, one wasnt even dressed, and the others were only ickle, and said happy halloween, so at least they tried!

    but one thing i'm glad of, is that norn irish folk are too lazy to trick people. they'll beg all night, but nothing comes of it if you tell them where to go!!!

    November 3, 2007