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Another garden mystery

Hey, remember that time Terry found an angel buried in our garden? Or a cupid? Or a cursed artefact from ye olden days, because that sounds like the kind of thing that would happen to us?

Well, the good news was that we’re still alive, so it probably WASN’T cursed: phew!

The slightly strange news is that this week Terry was, once again, digging in the garden, and this time he found THIS:

weird thing from the garden

(The thing with the face, I mean, not the mug. We found the mug in Cath Kidston, and there’s no mystery attached to it as far as I know: it’s just here to provide some scale, so you don’t go thinking the green head is the size of a REAL head, or something. That really WOULD be weird. Also scary.)

So, we have no idea what the hell this is, how it came to be buried in our garden, or if it has any connection to the glass cupid/angel/demon thing from a few months ago. I WANT to know, though. And I don’t want it to be something totally mundane, like the builder bringing in topsoil from somewhere, and the topsoil being full of glass cupids and green faces with huge red lips. (Which is actually STILL pretty strange, when you think about it. I mean, where would they even find topsoil filled with strange objects? And can we get some more of it, I wonder?) No, I want it to be that the house is built on the site of an ancient burial ground, or on top of a portal to another dimension or something. And then one day Terry and I find the doorway to this other world, and have a thrilling, and only moderately terrifying adventure. Then I write a book about it, and the book is turned into a movie, and, ooh, I wonder who will play me?!

Sorry, I’m getting carried away. As I said, we have no idea what the green face thing is. SOMEONE must know, though, and if that someone is you, please share your wisdom! I can’t offer you a reward, but I CAN offer you the green face thing, if you want it? No? Anyone?

Speaking of our garden, a few weeks ago Terry and I were sitting out there enjoying a rare few moments of sunshine, when we heard some of the neighbourhood children sneak into the garden of the house next door, which has been empty for years now. (No, it’s not another ‘International Man of Mystery Next Door‘ situation, unfortunately. I mean, it would be AWESOME if it was, because think of all the blog posts I’d get out of it, but there’s actually a really boring and not-at-all-mysterious reason for the house being empty, which I won’t bore you with, on account of it being someone else’s business and all…)

“HELLOOO!” we heard the kids shout – they were in the house’s driveway at this point, and we could just see their shapes moving around behind the gate.

“HELLLLOOOOO!” they shouted again, and I thought they were possibly shouting to us (Two of the little boys in the street developed a bit of an obsession with Terry last year. They would write his name in chalk in front of our door and everything…) so…

“Hiiiii!” I yelled back, thinking I was being friendly.

Cue screams of absolute terror as the children all scrambled to get away from the house as fast as they possibly could.

“I TOLD YOU THAT HOUSE WAS HAUNTED!” we heard one of them shriek to the rest of the gang. “THERE’S A GHOST IN THERE! A GHOST! A GHOOOOOSSSSTTT! I TOLD YOU!”

And then we never saw the neighbourhood kids again.

I, of course, was absolutely thrilled to learn that the house next door  is supposedly haunted, and only slightly disappointed to know the “ghost” is actually ME. I like to think that in 50 years’ time or something, those children will be all grown up and will be sitting around the fire one day saying to their grandchildren, “When I was a little boy, there was a haunted house in my street…” And then they’ll tell the story of the disembodied voice that was me, and their grandchildren will tell THEIR children, and so on and so forth, down through the ages. And in this way, I will basically live forever.

Either than or one day they’ll come and burn the house down to get rid of the “ghost”, and that’ll be a totally DIFFERENT kind of story for all of us.

Fingers crossed it’s the first option…

[P.S. Terry has just looked at this post as is annoyed that I failed to mention the wildflower bouquet at the top of the page, which he picked and arranged for me with his own hands: thanks, Terry!]

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16 Comments
  • Anna
    August 22, 2015

    Hi Amber, when i was really young I found a roman plate at the bottom of my garden. Both of my parents has no idea how it got there and we asked around in our neighbor hood and nobody knew anything. To cut a long story short we eventually took it to a museum and we found out it was worth hundreds and thousand of pounds and they brought it off us. The money became my kind of trust fund for when I was older but my parents to this day still talk about that whole episode. You never know Amber, it might be worth something!

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  • Millie
    August 22, 2015

    The green face thing reminds me of the crazy bones figurines that we popular in the 90s.

    • emily
      August 22, 2015

      Yeah, I was going to say it looks like crazy bones. They were still selling them until a few years ago so it could have been one of the next doors kids throwing them around and it getting buried in your garden?

      Or it could be some other weird plastic blob with a face.

      • Amber
        August 22, 2015

        I’ve never heard of these, but I knew someone would recognise it! There aren’t children in any of the houses next to us (the ones I mentioned are from another part of the street), but I guess there could have been kids visiting or something!

  • Angelica
    August 22, 2015

    I love hearing stories like this! It’s always so intriguing! And YES you could definitely write a book about it haha! I love how you write your blog posts I always end up laughing out loud! Angelica x

  • Terry
    August 22, 2015

    The last time I was annoyed was 1987 😛

  • TinaD
    August 22, 2015

    Very nice flowers. I can’t explain the blob thing, unless it is a second-tier fast food kiddie meal giveaway (you know, the folks who are too cheap even to go with the licensed plastic cr*p) or your builders got their fill dirt from the edge of a dump and that is a smashed-up bit of something bigger…but it occurs to me that one way to avoid accidentally triggering portals/time travel/apocalypses that end us all is for Terry to stop digging in the yard. Surely there’s a match on instead? 😉

  • Katryna
    August 22, 2015

    Maybe Rubin is a little collector? Picking up objects on walks then hiding them at home? My friend’s dog used to do that and it was really funny, especially when we caught her doing it.

    • Amber
      August 22, 2015

      I think we’d definitely notice if he was doing that – he’s always closely watched on his walks so he doesn’t get into trouble!

  • Jane
    August 22, 2015

    I find bits of broken pottery buried in the garden. Quite a lot of bits actually. And each one is a different design. Was someone really careless when they washed up? And why are they buried in land that was a field until we built a house here 6 years ago? Where did they come from?
    But I reckon your treasures are better. Weird, but better. That little head reminds of something, from way back when….. something like one of those things you stick on the end of your pencil??

  • Miss Kitty
    August 22, 2015

    I have no idea what your green head thing is, but I’m guessing that because it has a face, it will be staying with you 🙂 Am I right? Also, congrats to Terry on his flower arranging skills!

  • Jess Heart
    August 23, 2015

    I never garden as I am a serial plant killer but this post just makes me want to dig up all the dirt in my yard just to find something even slightly interesting. That or simply making mud pies. xxx

  • Wild Tea Party
    August 24, 2015

    MMM that face definitely reminds me of something from my childhood. We found plenty of plastic soldiers when we were doing the garden of our place. But it made sense – our house was built on land that was used as temporary housing when the ten pound poms arrived in Sydney. My boss once dug up a diamond ring in her garden though that when they looked up the marks was from a jeweller in the 40s.

  • Zulema Williams
    August 24, 2015

    I don’t know but it really looks like some plastic toys you used to get in Mexico (I’m mexican btw) when you bought coke. They were called “Hielocos” and you were supposed to collect them. There were at least a 100 different ones. Wouldn’t it be funny if a whole collection would suddenly sprout from your garden?

    Anyways, hope it finds a nice home in your garden (Just guessing you are not getting rid of it because of all the “things having faces” dilemma).

    Love you blog Amber! It’s the first time I’ve commented but I’ve been following you for many years 😀

  • Tracey
    August 25, 2015

    Obviously Emma Stone is going to play you in the movie.

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