ASOS are trying to bankrupt me…

I don’t normally do shopping posts on this blog, but I’m pretty sure the people who read ShoeperWoman must be getting sick of my ASOS obsession by now, and, well, it’s not getting any better, really, so I thought I’d bore you lot with it instead. Sorry.

Anyway, so, as I said, ASOS are trying to bankrupt me. I’m actually thinking of getting Terry to put some kind of parental lock onto the site, because it’s full of stuff that I simultaneously CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT, but also WOULD NEVER GET TO WEAR. For instance:

lemon dress


You know how people on the internet have to totally exaggerate every emotion, so blog comment sections are full of people saying stuff like, “I LITERALLY DIED WHEN I SAW YOUR SHOES!” and “I laughed so much at this that I had to be hospitalised, but I’m writing this from the ambulance because it’s just the best thing I’ve seen in my entire life and nothing will ever compare to it!” (Er, they don’t say these things TO ME, I hasten to add. Which sometimes makes me think I’m doing something wrong, but I digress…) Well, I LITERALLY DIED when I saw this dress, people. Literally. Died. It’s so pretty! And so floaty! And would look so great with red lips and gold sandals, and I really, really want it, but where would I wear a strapless lemon dress? That’s actually part of the ASOS Wedding Collection? As in, they’re expecting bridesmaids to wear it?

ASOS lemon bridesmaid's dresses

Actual bridesmaids. Wearing it. 

So this is what it’s come to, then: I literally – LITERALLY – want to dress as a bridesmaid. This is SO TYPICAL of me, seriously. Like, I’m actually sitting here trying to convince myself that if I wore it with a cardigan, and left the bouquet at home (It’s nice with the bouquet, though? Isn’t it nice with the bouquet? Why don’t more people carry bouquets in everyday life?), it could be totes casual!

Then I saw this:

mint green chiffon strapless dress

And then I died twice. Seriously, mint green, ASOS? What are you trying to do to me? Do you WANT Terry to divorce me?

mint green bardot dress with full skirt

Apparently so. This one is also off-the-shoulder, but it’s not like that’s stopped me before, and it’s also a stretch scuba fabric. Scuba fabric = MUCH more casual than chiffon. Also, this dress is £35. And I bet it wouldn’t even BE off-the-shoulder on me, because for some reason when I wear bardot-style necklines, they always creep up my shoulders and end up being ON-the-shoulder. So this is completely causal, basically. Yes it is. IS.

Chi Chi London white cutwork prom dress

Oh, hello perfect white dress, which I would wear with a little pink cardigan, and maybe those pink strappy sandals I got last year, but hardly ever get to wear because no one really needs to see THAT MUCH of my feet, do they? This is by Chi Chi London. They’re also trying to bankrupt me. Why must my life be so full of temptation? And why isn’t this dress in my closet right now?

ASOS purple floral prom dress

Oh yeah, it’s because it’s £85, and I need trousers and tops and other “causal” clothes, that I can wear in my actual, day-to-day life, not pretty purple prom dresses, that would make people keep asking me if I’m going to a wedding, even although they see me dressed like this fairly often, and I’m NEVER going to a wedding, am I? I’m actually crying now. Literally. If I WAS going somewhere fancy, though, I would totally wear this:

floral prom dress

Now, could someone please invite me somewhere fancy? Also, any chance I could borrow some money, first?


Liked this post?? Take a second to support Amber on Patreon!
  • Fran


    Haha you’re usually so measured in your responses it’s great fun when you unleash all the love for the pretty clothes! Which are SO pretty by the way. That white dress, OMG.

    April 23, 2015
  • Eeek I want them all!! I’m not sure I can pull of lemon, but mint! I love it! You can be my bridesmaid, then you’d get a chance to wear it. I’m actually thinking it would be nice to wear as a bride on my honeymoon for some nice beachy photos. I could even have a bouquet.

    April 23, 2015
  • In love with the last three dresses. I too did a massive “virtual haul” of all the dresses I would get from their sale. I trawled through all 4900+ of their sale dresses and picked mine. There were only 20 or so… Hahahaha, I don’t have the bank account for that tho, so I get your feels!

    As a grammargh nerd, I CRINGE when people use literally when they mean figuratively!

    April 23, 2015
  • All those dresses are beautiful! We had such difficulty buying our bridesmaids dresses because the wedding was Feb, but now there are so many gorgeous colours and styles in the shops.

    April 23, 2015
  • Wow these are all beautiful! Definitely go for the white lace one, though, so I can live vicariously through you. It’s so gorgeous! You’d get loads of wear out of that, I’m sure. Think of all the sweaters you could pair it with. It would literally go with every cardigan.

    April 23, 2015
  • I have been too busy to browse any of my favorite dress sites lately, and good thing cause there are lots of beautiful ones this time of the year. I am afraid my wallet couldn’t handle it either. Oh, and putting a cardigan over it will definitely make it casual in my book! 😉

    April 23, 2015
  • ASOS have ALREADY bankrupted me. Why I seem determined to buy all of the Swedish Hasbeen styles they stock I just don’t know. And all of their midi scuba skirts. And all of the everything. Chi Chi London I only came across (through ASOS, damn them) recently and then I made the mistake of looking at their website, where I, too, clocked that white dress and nearly cried because I couldn’t have it immediately. And then basically had the same response to ALL of their dresses. The fashion world is out to get me.

    April 23, 2015
  • Selina


    That first lemon dress is my kind of thing. I’m job hunting now so my credit card is locked away for a long time but if I could, I would

    April 23, 2015
  • GaiaT


    If you find someone who would borrow you money please, do share. I just found out that I NEED all the dresses you posted. Like, all of them.Thank god I am a student and I don’t have money to spend even if I wanted to, or I would be living under a bridge by now.

    April 23, 2015
  • Haha I love your comments on each item. I browse ASOS wayyyy too often but I usually end up filling my cart up and closing the tab. These dresses are all so pretty though. I especially love the mint bridesmaid dress and the white dress! Gorgeous!

    lauren schroer | graphic designer & blogger

    April 23, 2015
  • Amy


    That bridesmaid dress is really cute in both colors. You’ve already ordered at least one, right? So you don’t have to obsessively hunt it down later.

    I realized what I need: a fashion tutorial on basics to wear UNDER various types of clothing to eliminate strap lines and VPL and all that jazz and get a smooth silhouette.

    April 23, 2015
  • Rose Chalklen I was actually going to tag you in this before I realised you’d already liked it. Sneaky.

    April 24, 2015
  • Liz


    ASOS is always trying to bankrupt me. I LITERALLY have 148 items in my saved list at the moment and I definitely don’t have that much money!

    April 24, 2015
  • Lily


    I *literally* love your blog simply because you never go into hyperbole overdrive! And your comments section is always similarly sane. Hooray!

    April 24, 2015
  • Soooo pretty. I have lots of dresses that I rarely wear. Need more cool events to go to!

    April 24, 2015

    Which I say because I currently have TWO, unworn, strapless – well, one halterneck, one one-shoulder – lemon dresses in my wardrobe.

    I am not the commenter you need right now.

    April 25, 2015
  • 100% feel your pain!! Would happily wear all these dresses day to day if your looking for a friend to join you <3 Gisforgingers xx

    April 30, 2015
  • It’s just as well the Chi Chi London perfect white dress is out of stock (sob!) because I would buy it and never ever have anywhere to wear it! The “bridesmaid” dress is so pretty, and from my personal experience of bridesmaid dresses, not one that is going to sell out (i.e. wait for the sale!) because a. it makes the bridesmaid look stunning and b. only celebs put their bridesmaids in such cute dresses and they’re not shopping at ASOS!

    I can relate to the wanting an excuse to buy a pretty dress urge. I haven’t been to wedding in two years, BUT have two potential weddings next year, both in the same month, but in separate COUNTRIES, which I am insanely plotting how to get to both for, um totally not fashion related reasons at all! ;-0 (I live in Scotland too, we so need more excuses to dress up!).

    p.s. I have to say I’m afraid of scuba but that off the shoulder number is AMAZING! (um yes I’m getting overexcited/blog speaky, can’t help it! 😉

    p.s.s I am a crazy lady who has an actual bouquet board on Pinterest, which included in the title is the very sentiment you express here i.e. “Why can’t we have bouquets every day (or at least more than once!) Why does Duchess Kate get to walk around with them all day every day? Not fair! Bouquets for everyone I say! 🙂

    May 25, 2015