Breaking news: I am not Joan Rivers. Really.

Dear People who keep sending me hate mail relating to the E! Network’s “Fashion Police” show,

I AM NOT the E! Network.Β Or, indeed, Joan Rivers. And I don’t have Kim Kardashian’s number either, so no, I can’t pass on your message to her.Β  Oh, and I have no idea who ‘Guiliana’ is (see: NOT THE E! NETWORK, above), so I really can’t comment on whether or not her head looks like “a giant pea trapped in a worn out floor mop” although I’ll certainly be Googling that as soon as I finish writing this.

To get back to the topic, though: please stop sending me angry messages about people’s pea heads. If you absolutely MUST waste your life sending complete strangers abuse via the internet, at least make sure you get the RIGHT stranger. I have my own hate mail from lunatics, I don’t need to get Joan Rivers’ hate mail too, OK? Don’t they teach you kids ANYTHING in school these days? GOD. When I was a kid, we knew how to properly address hate mail. This was all fields, then…

I would have sent this to you personally, of course, but the first email just made me shake my head and say, “Terry, we got us another idiot, here, open up the Idiot File!” and the next person had managed to make their reply email bounce back. (Which was stupid, by the way. How can I reply to your concerns about the whole pea-head thing if you won’t tell me who you are? I mean, YOU know who I am, so … oh no, wait: you don’t, do you? You think I’m Joan Rivers. There’s no point in me even writing this, is there?)


Magic “Not the E! Network” Amber

  • Steph


    *dies laughing*

    I mean, I'm sorry you have to deal with idiotic (and occasionally crazy) emails, but I do love reading about them πŸ˜€

    January 27, 2010
  • As much as I love reading your posts about the crazies who e-mail you are so much better because you offer such wonderful commentary.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Memories and scent, or, I’m totally out of my snarky groove =-.

    January 27, 2010
  • Also getting people contacting me on Twitter now thinking I'm the E! channel – *headdesk*

    Um, also commenting on my own blog to tell myself this apparently. *headdesk again*
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Breaking news: I am not Joan Rivers. Really. =-.

    January 28, 2010
  • jasmine


    Oh the joys of being Amber. Stupid people always make me laugh.

    January 28, 2010
  • Kathleen


    Search for "Giuliana Rancic" or the show "Giuliana and Bill" and you'll see where the "a giant pea trapped in a worn out floor mop" comment comes from. That said though, it's a mean comment but it's funny that people think you're associated with the E! network. Your idiot file must be ginormous!

    January 28, 2010
  • See now whenever I imagine you talking (cos in my head we totally have imaginery conversations about shoes!) you’re going to sound like Joan Rivers. Awesome!
    .-= Selina´s last blog ..Your daily dose of pretty: Dolley shoe by Linzi =-.

    February 10, 2010