It’s not often that you see a nail-care post from me, because I have the worst nails – or the worst cuticles, rather – ever. No, seriously: imagine the worst cuticles you’ve ever seen. Now imagine cuticles that are even WORSE than that. THAT’S my cuticles.
They’re long. They’re dry. They’re ragged. They’ve basically reached the stage now where they don’t even resemble cuticles – they’re just weird, white ridges at the base of my nails. I’m so self-conscious about them that I’ve taken to curling my fingers into my hands anytime I’m out in public, in an attempt to try and hide them (I probably look like I’m spoiling for a fight all the time, now I come to think of it…), and I must have spent a small fortune on products which promise to make my hands look human again. So far, nothing has worked. I’ve tried Sally Hansen, CND, Butter London, Burt’s Bees… I had some initial success with some of those products, but after a while it’s like my cuticles get used to them or something, and revert back to their usual state.
The sensible thing would be to accept that I was cursed with terrible cuticles, move on, and stop spending money on the latest “miracle cure”, but “sensible” isn’t really part of my DNA, so, instead, I went out and bought MOAR products: namely, Ciaté Beautiful Cuticles.
So! Did ‘Beautiful Cuticles’ live up to its name? Did it make my ugly cuticles beautiful?
Er, no. Not really. But I honestly didn’t expect it to, because it’s a cuticle remover, not a cuticle miracle worker.
A cuticle remover was exactly what I was looking for, however, because, aside from the extreme dryness, my main issue with my cuticles is the sheer length of them. Seriously, if I left those things to their own devices, they’d be the same length as my nails within a couple of weeks. They’d probably take over the world, actually. Hey, I wonder if that’s their plan?
Simply pushing them back doesn’t do a whole lot of good, because they’re so long that I just end up with the aforementioned white “ridge” at the base of my nail: attractive! I moisturise them religiously (I keep some cuticle oil/hand cream on my desk at all times for this very purpose), but it doesn’t seem to make a blind bit of difference either, so… I have no idea why I do that, actually.
Anyway! This product is, as I said, a cuticle remover, and, as with pretty much every other cuticle remover I’ve used, you simply brush it onto your cuticles, leave it for a couple of minutes, then gently push the cuticle back with an orange stick. Et voilà! Beautiful cuticles! Or… not.
I’ve used this a couple of times now, and while it does get rid of the cuticle to some extent, it doesn’t happen without a bit of scraping on your part: i.e. it’s not like the cuticle just gently dissolves into thin air, leaving you with perfect hands (Not, I hasten to add, that I’d expect it to…). It’s not bad, basically, but I probably wouldn’t pay £11 for it again, because it’s not any better than the other cuticle removers I’ve tried, some of which have been less expensive. It’s easy to use, however, and if you have normal cuticles, as opposed to mutant ones, you might find you have a bit more success with it.
To go with this, I also bought a Ciaté Paint Pot nail polish in ‘Honey Bee’, which is a shimmery nude shade. (I’d have taken one of those ‘here’s my claw hand clutching the bottle’ photos to show you, but I honestly don’t want to subject you to close-up shots of the dreaded cuticles, so…) I’ll be honest: I mostly bought this because I love the bottle, with its cute little black bow, and I’m a complete sucker for stuff like that. Seriously, if a beauty product LOOKS nice, I’ll probably want to buy it, even if I know it’ll be totally useless. I also bought it because I’ve been looking for a nice ‘nude’ shade for a while now, and thought this would at least cover up my beat-up nails, which are also in a bit of a state right now – possibly from all of the cleaning products they’ve been subjected to over the past few weeks. This colour DID cover them up, but I also suspect it makes me look like I’ve spent the last 20 years smoking 20-a-day, so I’m not totally sure about it. Still, anything is better than my natural nails, and if you think I’m joking, well, you obviously haven’t seen my natural nails, is all I’m saying.
So, hit me with it, folks: I don’t normally ask for advice on t’internets, but if there’s anyone out there who also suffers from Cuticles from Hell, and who’s found a product that actually WORKS, I’d love to hear about it!