(Dress, ASOS.com; shoes, gift from Deichmann; cardigan: random store in Florida, about 8 years ago)

I’m going to call this week ‘ASOS Week’. I know it’s more traditionally known as Advent, or The Week Before Christmas, or SNOW HELL or whatever (actually, just speaking of that, it occurred to me that after the last two winters, our seasons will probably have to be re-named, and we will have Spring, Summer, Autumn and SNOW HELL), but for me it’s going to be ASOS week. It’s completely unintentional, but every year one retailer will suddenly begin making clothes as if with me, and me alone, in mind. Item after item they will produce, and every one I will covet, and will probably buy. Every time I look at that retailer’s website, I will see something that seems to cry “AMBER! AMBER! BUY ME! LOVE ME! THEN, IN A FEW MONTHS, COMPLETELY DISCARD ME IN FAVOUR OF SOMETHING ELSE!” And so it goes.

Most of the time, as you’ll have seen from my frenzied holiday shopping last week, Zara (and occasionally Mango) will shoulder the burden of being named Official Outfitters to the Amber. This year, however, ASOS.com stepped up to the plate, and I suddenly found myself in possession of, um, more than one of their dresses. In fact, I even own more than one of this very dress you see me wearing today, as you’ll see later in ASOS week.

But enough of this dress chatter, for today I have more serious matters to discuss. This morning, you see, I was accused of something so shocking I can hardly bring myself to type it. Yes, people, someone used the comments section of The Fashion Police to accuse me of… of…oh God, I just can’t say it… to accuse me of running adverts on my websites in order to MAKE MONEY. The person said that it was “pretty clear what I was about” and that what I was about was “MONEY” (their caps), and that I was making this MONEY while… wait for it… “lurking as a real fashion site.” (Their poor command of English. “Lurking”? Really? I DO NOT LURK!)


I mean, I don’t know how they found me out, or what Scooby Doo-style shenanigans went into uncovering my clever and dastardly conspiracy, but I can see I’m dealing with a powerful foe here, so I’m just going to hold my hands up and admit it: it’s true, people. I AM placing adverts on my websites in order to make money. I know, it’s shocking. I’m sorry. Here, have a sniff off the smelling salts, quick…

I just don’t know what gave it away. I’d always assumed I’d covered my tracks pretty well all these longs years, and that no one would ever suspect that my true motive in having adverts on the sites was the making of money. (Sorry: MONEY.) I thought people would look at the adverts and think they were, I dunno, just pretty pictures or something? I thought people would look at the number of blogs I have, and the amount of posts that go on to them every day, and think I just had a helluva lot of time on my hands?

I don’t, though. In fact, I’m just a dastardly money-maker, and it’s time I stopped living a lie, readers. So now you know. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me…

A MONEY maker, lurking as a real fashion blog

P.S. I can’t believe I forgot to mention that as well as being accused of making MONEY, the person also charged me with the offence of BEING A SHOP. Apparently all of the posts I write on The Fashion Police are actually thinly veiled adverts for “my” products, which I sell in my “shop”. And I advertise them by writing posts talking about how ugly the things are, in some kind of twisted bid to make people disagree with me and then punish me by buying the thing from me, presumably. Seriously, you couldn’t make this up…

  1. *Gasp*. I don’t know what to say… all this while.. those pretty pictures… they were for.. MONEY??? Nooooooo!
    Haha, I love some people. They make me laugh.
    You wouldn’t happen to be spending this MONEY on ASOS, would you? Cause if you are, I think you should continue. That dress is gorgeous… am heading over to the ASOS website now to look at all the prettiness πŸ™‚

    Happy holidays!!! (Try to forget about the snow)

    1. I’m afraid so. I mean, I know most people who run businesses do it for free, but because I am mean and evil, I do it for MONEY.

      ASOS have had far too much of my MONEY recently, though. It’s OK, though, give it a couple more weeks and I’ll have moved onto some other store – and hey, at least I can’t buy anything else now thanks to the Royal Fail!

  2. I do worry about some folk, I mean there’s just no helping them is there! Well don’t you worry about me, I can cope with your MONEY making schemes (just) and will continue to read your lovely blogs while drooling over the shoes & dresses.

    This dress is one of the best I’ve EVER seen (I also really like your white cursed one) the colour on you is brilliant, it’s like you were meant to be together!

    I just want to also add, that although I haven’t commented on your previous posts, I did read about Terry and thought it was really touching. From what I’ve seen, I mean read, you two are a lovely couple and I’m so glad things worked out for the two of you, you’re obvisouly meant to be together and reading about what you both went through brought a tear to my eye (I have been quite emotional lately though). I also think it takes a very strong person to share such personal information with the wider public and it’s sooo nice of you to let us all in.


    1. Well, thank you, that was such a lovely thing to read on this cold and frosty morning πŸ™‚ And hey, I didn’t even write those posts for MONEY, so maybe there’s hope for me yet πŸ™‚

  3. So glad the blue dress arrived from the Fail, as it’s GORGEOUS! You look stunning in it. I’d be tempted to buy it myself, but as it’s such a perfect length on you that means it would be a bit too mini length on me. Looking forward to seeing it in whatever other colour you bought too.

  4. That dress is absolutely gorgeous! I just love that color. And Amber seriously you have no shame making MONEY off of your websites. Plus now your secret is out, you really are a shop. Lmao some people just have no clue at all. CAUTION BEWARE OF THE LURKING AMBER

  5. I too can’t stop laughing at MONEY. I swear, there should be a test for stupidity people have to take to see if they’re intelligent enough to be on the internet.

  6. *sigh* those people with too much free time.. (and I mean the one who commented about money). they take the trouble of investigating, accusing and writing long comments! They’d better get themselves busy. They could start a blog for example about how other bloggers pretend to write about fashion but actually make money. And make MONEY! Wouldn’t that be twisted?
    Sorry, I guess my mind works extra twisted itself today, as I feel I didn’t get enough sleep last night)))

    I’m happy you are back home safe and hope you get your parcels in time!
    And of course, your dress is above amazing on you..


  7. As if that commenter works for free and not MONEY. But I would think that, being a CAPATALIST AMERICAN and all. I’m just glad I don’t have to SUBSCRIBE to your website for MONEY and let the ADS pay you instead. Thanks for all the laughs, and fabulous fashion inspiration.

    Happy Christmas.

  8. I once got told that I should be ashamed of myself for trying to hide the fact that Domestic Sluttery was a commercial website. Don’t think I’ve ever tried to hide that… and I’m clearly not doing a job of it if I was. Don’t forget, blogging is only allowed to reward you in blood sweat and tears. Tis not allowed to pay the bills…

    People are crazy and strange, and that’s kinda awesome really. Sometimes.

  9. Well that reader better not check out my own site and fall upon the “advertise with us” tab and discover I am inviting advertisers to sponsor my 24 hour 7 day a week job that is my freakin’ blog πŸ™‚

    Loooooove how you write, sooo much πŸ™‚

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