The Sad Tale of the Laundry Basket and the Leg
One of my less aspirational festive traditions is the one in which I somehow contrive to injure or disfigure myself just in time for Christmas, or some other important event. Last year, for instance, I burned my hand while attempting to fill a hot water bottle, creating a vivid red blister that rendered my Christmas manicure kind of pointless, really, because who cares about your nails when your hand looks like it just died?
A few years ago meanwhile, I celebrated the first Christmas in our new house by burning my face with TCP (long story, but yes, you can do that, apparently…) mere days before the housewarming party which would require me to show said face to literally everyone I knew.
This year, however, I decided to break with tradition, and, instead of burning myself, I did this instead:
And there’s a matching one on the back of that leg, too. Ho ho ho.
So, yeah, in the kind of freak accident that can only happen to me, I put my leg through a laundry basket. A LAUNDRY BASKET, people. Not for me an easily-explained accident that could have happened to anyone; nope, leave it to Amber to injure herself in a weird, and kind of awkward way, really.
Here is the culprit, pictured minutes after the incident, because, yes, I took a photo of my damaged laundry basket, what of it?
(In other news, we need a new laundry basket now…)
So, it was about an hour before we had to leave the house for the first party of the season, and, me being me, even though I’d had all day to get ready for it, I’d left it until the last possible minute to get into the shower. When I was done, I propped my leg up on the laundry basket — as is my habit — to apply some lotion to my legs, and the next thing I knew there was a loud cracking sound, and I was literally up to my knees — well, knee — in laundry.
“Well, I guess I’m not going to be wearing that sparkly skirt I’d planned, then,” I thought, carefully pulling my leg out of the jagged plastic hole and watching the blood trickle down it. And no, guys: no, I was not. Because that skirt required bare legs (I did try it with tights, but nah…), and now I had managed to make myself look like Carrie on prom night.
Although they weren’t particularly deep cuts, thankfully, they were both bleeding from multiple places, and would not stop, so by the time I got myself patched up and otherwise ready, there was just enough time for me to throw on an old pair of trousers and this jumper before we had to leave. I did try to make the look a little more festive with sequined shoes and bag, but SERIOUSLY, folks: leave it to me to spend WEEKS planning a party outfit, only to end up wearing trousers and a freaking JUMPER instead, like an office worker grudgingly attending the Christmas party while making it clear that she will not be staying a minute past her official finishing time.
Awesome though that photo of my leg is, the point of this post was not, in fact, to tell you The Sad Tale of the Laundry Basket and the Leg, but to let you know that this will mostly likely be the final post of 2023, as it will now require every last drop of energy in me to drag myself to the end of the year and beyond it — particularly given that Max’s 6th birthday has now morphed from “just a few relatives” to “let’s invite everyone we know, and even some people we don’t!”
That being the case, I just wanted to take a moment to say a quick thank-you to everyone who’s read the blog or subscribed to my newsletter this year. As most of you know, 2023 hasn’t been an easy year for us financially, and there have been many times when I genuinely didn’t think this blog would still exist by the end of it. The fact that it’s still here is testament to how much it means to me to know there are still people out there reading, so, if you’re one of them, my heartfelt thanks for your continued support: if I saw you in person I’d try to give you an extremely awkward hug that would succeed only in embarrassing both of us, but as this is the internet, I will make do with throwing out the really quite reckless promise to do my very best to create more content for you next year, like some kind of blogging Comeback Kid. As always, if there’s anything you’d particularly like to see from me, please feel free to drop me a comment, and I’ll see what I can do. (Just, ideally not anything involving laundry baskets, for obvious reasons…) And, in the meantime, I hope you have a very happy Christmas if you’re celebrating, and an enjoyable next-two-weeks if you’re not. See you next year!
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