The last time I was in L.A., I uncovered a seedy underside to the city: a side that’s rarely talked about, concerning soft toys, and their struggle to survive in a city that cares nothing for their plush fur, their button eyes, and the fact that THEY HAVE FACES, OMG.
Well, folks, I’m sad to report that since then, things have only gotten worse for the soft toys of Los Angeles. Driving down Melrose Avenue a few days ago, I looked up to see this, hanging from an electricity line:
“STOP THE CAR!” I shrieked immediately, horror coursing through my veins. “SOMEONE HUNG A BUNNY! OMG! OMG! WE MUST SAAAAVVVVVVEEE HIM!”
My family would not stop the car, and nor would they join me in wondering aloud how we could possibly get the bunny down. “That bunny must’ve done something REALLY bad,” was my mum’s only comment, but, I mean, AS IF. Soft toys don’t have a bad bone in their bodies – partly because they don’t have ANY bones in their bodies, obviously – so clearly this bunny was the innocent victim of some evil prank.
It got worse, though, because further down the same street…
Two monkeys, hung by the feet. I can’t even tell you how much this disturbed me, although if you’ve read this post, you’ll probably have a good idea. Anyway, I Googled it later, and it turns out these murdered toys are all over the city, and it’s something to do with someone promoting their ice-cream truck, which is pretty random. Great guerrilla marketing, I guess, but guess who WON’T be buying ice cream from a truck while she’s here? Did you guess, “the redhead in the big skirt who takes the welfare of soft toys WAY too seriously?” You guessed right. L.A. is a tough city for soft toys, people: it just chews ’em up and spits ’em out.
In related news, I think I might need to add a new tab to my header, specifically for all the times I see soft toys that need rescuing…