The Mouse House, Part 2
Terry said no to the Habitrail idea. Instead, he went downstairs and pretty much ripped apart the kitchen in his bid to hermetically seal it against Clive and his little buddies – for yes, it seems that there is MORE THAN ONE OF THEM.
"They’ve been crapping all over the place," Terry told me, his face pale as he emerged from under the sink. "It’s hard to imagine how one mouse could crap so much."
We looked at each other, light beginning to dawn. CLIVE IS NOT WORKING ALONE. The mice, they are taking over the world, folks, and they’re starting with our house, in much the same way that when the neighbourhood kids start destroying the neighbourhood, they’re always sure to do our garden first. Be good if we could maybe be first in line for something nice once in a while, hmmm?
So, knowing that what we’re dealing with here is not one solitary, timid little mouse looking for a warm place to lay his head, but actually a whole hell-raisin’ gang of them – probably on motorbikes – makes me feel a little bit less sympathetic towards them. Even more so given that, in order to try and deal with them, Terry has sawed up wood INSIDE THE KITCHEN, and it was just last night that I doused that place with bleach and picked up all the crumbs one by one. Now I’ll have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN, and it’s like, "Get out of my house, Clive, you little b*****d, ok?" These are some bad-ass mice we’re dealing with here, and also, they ate Terry’s cornflakes again, so we’re really not happy.
Now that the mouse entrance (the bit under the sink where the pipes come up into the cupboard) has been sealed up, we’re hoping Clive and the gang won’t come back. As a test of their cunning, though, Terry has laid some sunflower seeds down inside the (now empty) cupboards, so that we’ll know if they do make it over the top. As if, you know, the mouse droppings aren’t enough of a clue. He’s laid these seeds (do mice even like sunflower seeds?) out in the shape of a giant ‘T’. Now, what would be really cool would be if, when we went back to check on them, Clive had changed them into the shape of a giant ‘C’, no? And if Clive does that? He is SO getting the Habitrail…