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4 Things I Totally Couldn’t Wear But Secretly Love

Posted on 13 Comments 4 min read

Do you ever look at someone wearing something (On Pinterest, probably. Because Pinterest is responsible for SO MANY poor life decisions, isn’t it?), and think, “Damn, that’s SO not my style… but I kinda wish I could wear it anyway?”

That happens to me ALL the time, people. I know I’m always banging on about having a ‘signature style’, and most of the time I’m pretty happy over here in my comfort zone, but sometimes you just fancy a change, you know? Like all those times I log onto Pinterest and start pinning photos of women in leather leggings, striding along, like, “Yeah, I’m wearing leather leggings: your point?” I mean, I know if I tried to wear leather leggings, people would just fall about laughing, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes think about it. Oh, hell no.

I’m going to stop talking about leather leggings now, though: it’s becoming a bit awkward, isn’t it? Here are some other things I totally couldn’t wear, but wouldn’t mind trying:

sequinned-leggings

01. These sequined leggings

So, these ARE leggings, but they’re not leather, they’re sequined. That’s totally different. And also totally not the kind of thing I can imagine myself wearing. Or, at least, not without having to field constant questions about where I’m going dressed like that, anyway. Nevertheless, I came SO CLOSE to ordering a pair of these in gold last year: seriously, GOLD SEQUINED LEGGINGS. What was I thinking? This year, they’ve released this black version, and once again, the struggle not to order them is very real. If I had the cash, I’d totally buy stuff like this, just to see if I could wear them. It’s possibly a good idea that I don’t have the cash, huh?

faux-leather pencil skirts

02. This leather pencil skirt

A few years ago, I bought a leather pencil skirt (well, a faux-leather pencil skirt, anyway…) from Zara. Then I hung that skirt in my closet, and I didn’t ever wear it: partly because every single person I told about my latest purchase (so, Terry and my mum, then) said, “You bought a leather pencil skirt? What did you do that for?”, but mostly because it made me look like an over-stuffed sausage. (And yes, it was the right size: the size up just made me look like I was wearing a bin bag…) They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results, though, so hey, look, here’s a leather pencil skirt from Zara: I wonder if I could wear it? And which colour I would get, if so? Because the black would probably be easier, but the brown would look good with my camel polo neck, and… why am I even thinking about this, seriously?

03.This red dress

red bow dress

At this time of year, I’m constantly finding myself tempted by the most amazing bright red dresses… which is a bit of a bummer, really, because red looks horrendous on me if I wear it next to my face. I’ve never really been sure exactly why this is, because when other redheads wear this colour they look almost exactly like Jessica Rabbit, and I want to be them so bad it hurts. When I wear it, though, I just look like I shouldn’t be allowed to dress myself – which ALSO hurts, if I’m honest. Every so often I convince myself that I can totally do it, and I try on a red dress – just in case something has changed since the last time, and it magically looks good on me now. But nah, it never does: so it looks like I WON’T be the girl at the Christmas party who people keep mistaking for a present, because of the huge bow on the back of her dress (Because yes, that’s the back view you’re seeing). GOD, I wish I could be That Girl.

black sequin maxi dress

04. This sequin maxi dress

Aaaand we’re back to sequins. I think I’m spotting a theme here. So, this dress is all kinds of awesome, because if you wore this dress, you’d basically look like the Evil Queen from Once Upon a Time, although hopefully without the “evil” part. You would wear bright red lipstick, a bit of a smoky eye, and a pair of killer heels, and you would look OMGAMAZING. YOU would, obviously. I wouldn’t, because a) I’d be wearing it at my desk, which would just look kinda silly, really and b) I can’t wear maxi dresses. Like, at all.

I actually don’t own a single maxi dress, because I have yet to find one that wouldn’t trail along the ground behind me, tripping me up at every step. I know I could have one altered, but then I’d just look like a character in some strange kind of Jane Austen drama featuring the lives of very clumsy women who don’t know how to walk in their dresses. They’re just not me, in other words. And the chances of me ever in a million years going to the kind of event I’d need a floor-length sequin dress are roughly the same as the chances of me looking good in one – so no chance, basically. Still, a girl can dream, can’t she?

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13 Comments
  • Georgina
    November 28, 2015

    Amber, why do you do this to me? I must have that red dress.

  • Ida
    November 28, 2015

    OMG that sequin dress is amazing! I would love to do the evil queen look in it. It would be so amazing. But I wouldn’t have anywhere to go in it. And to wear it when grocery shopping probably isn’t the best idea. I guess that sequin anything and really glittery eyeshadows belongs to the kind of fancy partys that I don’t go to./love Ida

  • Selina
    November 28, 2015

    I would get that sequin dress just to look at. And insist to go out for NYE just to wear it with platforms and damn that rain

  • Miss Kitty Kaos
    November 28, 2015

    Some beautiful choices but I think you should rock them anyway. Fashion is about experimenting and you may just love them x

    Miss Kitty Kaos – Adventures Of A Riot Grrrl

    • Amber
      November 28, 2015

      Ah, my finances don’t allow me to spend money on things I wouldn’t wear, unfortunately – it would be nice if I could, though!

  • Anca
    November 28, 2015

    That red dress looks stunning, I love it! The bow and the cleavage are gorgeous.

  • Kirsty W
    November 28, 2015

    This is a very timely post as I just bought a pair of over the knee boots despite knowing there’s no way I could pull them off! I just looked like a child trying on her mum’s shoes haha. Needless to say they’ll be getting returned!

  • heather
    November 28, 2015

    Pinterest does make you think you can dress, and bake, and be super creative in ways you’ve never been… It’s so deliciously evil that way 😉

    That dress with the red bow is SO FUN! I wish I had a more “fancy” life where I could justify buying all the party dresses.

  • Dara
    November 29, 2015

    This happens all me all the time – and I have found my instincts to usually be correct – the things I love but think I can’t wear, really do look all wrong on me. Girly vintage style clothes are an example – love the idea of little collars, tea dresses and frills – I look completely ridiculous!!! https://champagneinateacup.wordpress.com/

  • Elise
    November 29, 2015

    Yep, totally with you on the maxi dress – not just because I’d have problems finding a long enough one in a regular shop but because I just can’t have fabric swishing around my legs. Seems like a tripping hazard!

  • Lily
    November 30, 2015

    I too find myself struck by the Jessica Rabbit/Joan from Man Men conundrum. Whenever Autumn and Christmas swing round and all the beautiful red dresses and jumpers appear in the shops, I always think -maybe this year! But nope. Despite having red hair, red clothing makes me look very, very ill.

    (Although, gallingly, my sister who is also a red head can pull off many shades of red. Damn.)

  • Rachel
    December 1, 2015

    I love my pleather leggings and skirts, however I do buy things that I would love to wear but just can’t pull off, then I send them back. I find high neck pencil dresses can be really tough on me, my large chest make me feel boxy. Trousers, I just can’t pull them off at all! I’ve managed to find some amazing high waisted jeggings from River Island but now it’s finding long line tops, apparently the fashion world do not think they are appropriate unless they are the baggiest things ever! And it’s taken me years to wear florals without feeling like I have a label stamped on my head saying “she’s not girly enough for this”, even now I still feel more of a block colour woman than florals.

  • Elizabeth Rose
    December 1, 2015

    This happens to me literally all the time! I always manage to see an item at the thrift store that is totally not my style at all but it’s screaming my name… or when, (damn you, Pinterest) you see lovely little magical young women sporting the most glorious “boyfriend” style and you know you’ll just look like a slob… yeah. But now I really want to try sequin leggings.

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