Wake Up, Smell the Coffee, Still Don’t Get Out of Bed

Well, it turns out that what I actually need in my quest to become A Morning Person is a “Teasmade”. Do you see what they did there? It’s like a “maid” that makes tea, and also, the tea is “made”. Isn’t that clever? Also: Hi, I’m Amber, and I’m actually 92. That’s why I’m considering either buying one of these, or just traveling back in time to the 1950s, which is when people seem to have actually used them.

(And, you know, I don’t even drink tea. I know that, as a British person, that’s almost sacrilegious to admit, but I just don’t see the point of it. It’s coffee all the way here. Mmmm, coffee. Where are all the “Coffemades”? WHERE?)

Anyway, having decided that one of these contraptions really would help me to get out of bed in the morning, and also being quite stingy, really, I looked on eBay and discovered that almost all ‘Teasmades’ units are made by a company called “Goblin” (I don’t know why that makes me laugh, but it surely does), and really do date from the 1950s. See, I didn’t just make that up, I did my research. Are you enjoying this impromptu history lesson, by the way? Because I could also tell you a fair bit about radiators, too, if you like? No? You’re sure? OK, well, moving on…

As I was saying, most of the “Teasmades” on eBay are described as either “retro” or “vintage” and I quickly discovered that what THAT means is basically, “ain’t no way in hell this is going to work, sucker!”  Also, these things seem to be verging on becoming collectors items: there’s a whole breed of people out there earnestly discussing the merits of the 1977 Philips Tea for Two versus the Goblin 860. I’m not sure I’m ready to become part of that community, so I got to thinking: I could just buy an ordinary coffee maker, and I could put it in the bedroom and switch it on my very own self in the morning, possibly without even leaving the bed. Then what I could do is, I could set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier than I actually needed to get up, and then sit back and enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee IN MY BED, while maybe flicking through the morning paper, which, in this scenario, would be magically delivered, not just to the house, but RIGHT TO MY BED every morning.

And then I thought, “Screw that, I could just bring the kettle upstairs.”

Which is how I came to spend last night sleeping with a kettle next to my bed. I’m such a student, no? “And did it work?” I hear you ask, breathless in your excitement. Well, no, obviously not. It’ll take more than THAT to get me out of bed in the morning, I’ll tell you: because when 7am came and the alarm went off, I looked at that kettle, sitting peacefully on the floor next to the bed, and I thought, “Yeah, screw you kettle – I don’t even WANT your coffee. It’s freaking 7am!” Then I rolled over and went back to sleep.

The next step in journey towards becoming a morning person: taking your advice and trying to bring my time down gradually. I WILL DO THIS! I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY MORNING! Or, you know, I probably won’t do it, but I will try. Wish me luck…

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  • Laura


    As a fellow non-morning person, and one who gets up at 6am every day, let me recommend to you this article by motivation guru Steve Pavlina:

    Basics are: get up at the same fixed time every day and only go to bed when you are really sleepy. Begin by telling yourself you have no alternative but to get up (true in my case as I'd get sacked!), and gradually that will just become your sleep pattern.

    Hope it helps!

    February 12, 2008
  • Thanks, Laura, I'll take a look at that 🙂

    I do think a big issue with me is the fact that I don't actually *have* to get up, so no matter how much I think I want to get up early when I go to bed at night, when the alarm rings the next morning I'm able to convince myself quite easily that hey, another hour won't actually hurt!

    February 12, 2008
  • Get a Tassimo. Ours is the greatest thing to ever happen to us, ever. You put the pod in and out pops a gorgeous cup of coffee with one button press. Love. It. Also, you can get expresso pods and just keep using them until you've got a full cup of coffee – that packs quite the punch.

    February 13, 2008
  • Don't forget to go to bed earlier too!

    February 13, 2008
  • Try one of those coffee gizmos from WMF, they're about £30 in John Lewis. You can use any coffee pad with them. I'm not on commission, honest: http://www.johnlewis.com/WMF/Brand.aspx?SearchTer

    February 13, 2008
  • Amber from Canada


    you could get yourself a coffeeMATE har har.

    wow, that was shameful.


    February 14, 2008
  • I was going to say the same thing about the Coffeemate.

    And also that being a morning person is overrated. At least this is what I continue to tell myself when I sleep until noon every weekend.

    And I also heard that kids will make you a morning person right quick. I'm just saying.

    February 17, 2008