OK, so I’m just going to begin this post by indulging myself in a quick freak-out, because OMG, it’s MAY, people. MAY.
Now I’m going to make some of those annoying, “doesn’t time fly!” and “It feels like just last week we were celebrating Christmas!”observations. Because everyone enjoys those, right? And with THAT out of the way, let’s move on to my monthly spending report…
This month I continued with my ongoing mission to build a wardrobe that works for my lifestyle, and I’m pleased to report that I successfully managed to resist the temptations of ASOS and Chi Chi London, and instead of buying a prom dress I’d never get the chance to wear, I bought a pair of boots instead:
Item 1: ALDO ‘VITALY’ camel knee boots
Yeah, I bought winter boots in April: I KNOW. In my defence, it snowed more in April than it did in January, so they were actually a much more practical purchase than you might think. Also in my defence, I’d had my eye on these for ages, and had planned to buy them in the winter sale, only for them to sell out before I got the chance. Story of my life, huh? Earlier this month, though, I was clearing out the secret Pinterest board I keep in order to stalk items of clothing online, and I found a link to The Boots. I clicked, purely out of curiosity, and lo! They were back in stock! And on clearance! To be completely honest, the LAST thing I wanted to do this month was buy boots I wouldn’t be able to wear until Autumn, but, well, I DID say I was going to be sensible, and I HAVE been searching for camel/tan boots for my entire life, basically, so I figured this was the kind of “sensible” purchase I’d be grateful for eventually, even although I’d rather have bought a prom dress NOW.
I’m slightly less pleased to report, however, that I failed in my other mission of the month, which was to track down a replacement for the pair of Zara jeans that are constant rotation right now, and which I’ve had to start rationing my use of, because although they are still wearable, I suspect they won’t be for much longer – especially not if I keep wearing them like they’re the only clothes in the world. For reasons I’ve never really understood, most of my jeans eventually do this thing where one knee – just one, mind – will start to go white, and that’s the stage the Zara jeans reached recently. (It’s the right knee, just in case you were wondering.) This was a cause for concern, because a) no one wants to walk around with one white knee, do they? and b) jeans are just the WORST to shop for, seriously. My requirements are short, but specific: the replacement jeans must be…
- Skinny, but not skintight: this is the main stumbling block, because most jeans these days are so tight on the leg that they make me feel like I’m wearing Spanx. And I hate that.
- The perfect mid-blue wash. Not light blue, not dark blue: mid blue. Oh, and with none of that “giant faded patch on the thigh” nonsense, either: I’ll fade my jeans myself, thanks.
- Little to no distressing. I do have some distressed jeans, and I’m not totally opposed to them, but the current search revolves around non-distressed (or at least minimally distressed) jeans.
- Short enough that I don’t have to hem them. Yes, I know I could have my jeans hemmed. No, I don’t want to.
With that set of requirements in mind, and given that Zara had been the provider of The One Jeans, I naturally turned to them first in my search for a replacement. I was out of luck, though, because…
Item 2: ZARA cigarette jeans
SERIOUSLY, people: SERIOUSLY. These were straight-up the most unflattering jeans I’ve ever had the misfortune of placing on my body: I just couldn’t get them off fast enough. I wanted to take them off as soon as I started to put them on, in fact, but I knew you were all depending on me to show you the ugly jeans, so I took one for the team and grabbed a quick photo.
(Yes, I know my torso is blending into the wall in this photo: if only that were the worst thing that was happening in this photo!)
I’d ordered these thinking the cigarette leg would be the answer to my “all jeans looks like leggings on me” issue, and… well, yeah, I guess they don’t look like leggings: I’ll give them that. Unfortunately they don’t look like cigarette jeans, either: I’d say these would be better described as boyfriend jeans, mom jeans, or just plain ol’ hideous jeans, really. In fairness, I’m wearing a size larger here than I usually wear – I decided to size up based on what they looked like on the Zara model, but I honestly don’t think the correct size would’ve been a whole lot better, really, and I’m in no hurry to find out, either.
VERDICT: I’d have returned them twice if I possibly could have.
There was, however, one good thing to come out of that Zara order, and it was this blazer – shown here with the orginal, and apparently irreplaceable, jeans: pray for them, please:
Item 3: Black Zara blazer
If you’ve been paying attention and/or stalking me, you might recall that Terry bought me the white version of this blazer as a birthday gift last month. I’d had a black blazer on my shopping list for ages now, and I’ve been wearing the white one constantly, so I figured I may as well get it in black, too, so at least I’d be able to switch things up, sometimes. Like, sometimes I’d wear this exact outfit with the white blazer, other times I’d wear it with the black one: TOTALLY different look, I’m a genius, really. Anyway, I have, indeed, been wearing this on the regular, so…
(Does anyone else feel like this post is NEVER going to end? Seriously, Amber, just GET ON WITH IT.)
As well as that Zara order, I also placed an H&M order this month and, look, there’s no easy way to say this, but one of the things I ordered was another trench coat. Yes, it was.
Item 4: H&M powder trench coat
Honestly, I spent ages coming up with different ways I could possibly try to justify this (“But this one’s pink!” “I don’t have a FLOWY one, though!”), and what it basically comes down to is that there IS no justification: I’m just a bit obsessed with trench coats, obviously. I’d say I could stop any time, but I actually don’t think I could. Is there some kind of support group for this?
Anyway, this trench is from H&M, and I actually DID order it because it was blush pink and flowy, and I’d just been looking at photos of women on Pinterest wearing pink, flowy trenchcoats, and had managed to convince myself that my stubby-legged self would be transformed into one of these bambi-like creatures if I only had one of those trench-coats. Then I opened up the H&M website, and there it was.
“It would look so good over an all-white outfit!” I told myself, excitedly.
“Or over an all-black one!” my self responded.
“I think it might look good over that floaty pink skirt you have,” said Rubin. “You know the one that’s always a bit tricky to wear, because you never have the right outerwear for it?”
OK, Rubin didn’t say that: it was still me: or the little devil-horned part of me that likes to lead me into temptation. (There’s an angel-winged part of me too, somewhere, but I don’t see her much these days. I’m actually wondering if she’s OK, now I come to think of it?) That devil-me made a good point, though, and the fact that the trench was out of stock in my size when I found it just re-affirmed the fact that I probably wouldn’t be able to live without it, so when it came back into stock, I had it in my basket (case) before you could say, “FFS, Amber, enough with the trench coats, already!”
Anyway, it arrived, and my thought process went like this:
ME: OMG, TRENCH IS HERE! <rips open package>
ME: OMG, TRENCH IS JUST THE RIGHT COLOUR! NOT TOO PINK, NOT TOO BEIGE!
ME: OMG, TRENCH IS… just a thin piece of material, actually, with no lining whatsoever. So, basically just a very long top, then, as opposed to a useful piece of outerwear. Or, like, a coat that you just wear for show, rather than to keep you warm? Do people do that? WHY THEY DO THAT?
<TRIES ON TRENCH>
ME: OMG, IS PERFECT FIT AND LEVEL OF DRAPINESS! But…
ME: WTF?! ARE THESE SPLITS ON EACH SIDE?
And yes, it has these giant splits up each side, which, WHY? Why would you DO that to an item of clothing? Or, I mean, I KNOW why: it’s to make it all “edgy” and “fashion forward” and stuff, and, as far as I’m concerned, when fashion designers decide to make an item “edgy”, what they normally mean by that is, “Let’s take a perfectly nice, useful item of clothing, and do something really stupid to it. I know! What about a giant split down each side?”
Yeah, I’m just not the “edgy” type, apparently. WHO KNEW.
Oh, and Item 5…
Was the blue stripe version of these trousers, which I already have in white, and which I bought almost entirely because of this photo of Kendall Jenner wearing an almost identical pair. No photos of these because a) I really set myself up for a fall there by linking to that photo of Kendall Jenner, and suggesting might copy her outfit and b) I think the photos in this post are already bad enough, really, Sorry about that, by the way: it’s completely impossible to get decent indoor photos unless I set up the studio lights, and I just can’t be bothered dragging them out every time I order something new, hence the crappy photos. I’ll try to do better next time…