MY WEEK 16 PREGNANCY DIARY
So, the theme for this week is “there is no theme for this week”. GOD.
Yup, it seems that week 15 flowed easily into week 16, the way weeks tend to do, and there’s basically nothing much to tell me I’m pregnant right now: well, other than the giant bump that used be my midriff, obviously. Which means that, actually, I guess there IS a theme for this week after all: the theme is, “WHY THE HELL CAN’T I FEEL MOVEMENT YET, SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?”
Now, I know what you’re all going to say: the average time for women feeling movement is 17 – 21 weeks, and lots and lots of people have told me that I’m totally average in this respect, and that they didn’t feel movement at 16 weeks either. For every person who tells me that, though, there’s been at least 5 other people who could feel their babies blink right from the moment of conception, and WAH, why can’t that be meeeeee? Because I don’t WANT to be “average” right now: “average” is scaring the crap out of me, and making me worry, and then worry some more, and, actually, I would quite like to be an over-achiever in this respect, thanks. Why can’t I do that?
The main consequence of this uncertainty is a whole lot of anxiety, obviously. Seriously, if you were to look at my Google searches this week, they would look a bit like this:
“IS IT A BABY OR IS IT JUST GAS?”
“SERIOUSLY, BABY OR GAS????”
“MOVEMENTS AT 16 WEEKS: DOES IT FEEL LIKE GAS?”
“PICTURES OF ‘DOODLE’ PUPPIES“
“PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T FEEL BABY MOVE AT 16 WEEKS BUT EVERYTHING TURNED OUT TO BE TOTALLY OK”
“PUPPIES AND BABIES: REALLY GREAT IDEA”
“I THINK IT’S JUST GAS, BUT COULD IT ACTUALLY BE BABY?”
“CAN I JUST BUY THAT ZARA SKIRT ONE SIZE UP AND IT WILL FIT ME AT 16 WEEKS PREGNANT BUT STILL FIT ME AFTER THE BABY IS BORN?”
“BABIES AND GAS VIRTUALLY INDISTINGUISHABLE REALLY”
“HOW TO STOP YOUR FEET GROWING DURING PREGNANCY”
“PREGNANCY WEEK 16 STILL NO MOVEMENT TOTALLY NORMAL, SERIOUSLY”
“HOW TO AFFORD REPLACING ALL MY SHOES IF MY FEET GROW LIKE EVERYONE SAYS THEY WILL”
“PEOPLE WHO WERE TOTALLY SURE IT WAS JUST GAS, BUT IT WAS REALLY THE BABY”
(It was gas, btw. Don’t ask me how I know…)
So, yeah, week 16 has seen a bit of an uptick in anxiety, and it’s mostly due to the lack of reassurance that there’s actually anything going on in there. Luckily I have my next midwife appointment next week, so I’m hoping she’ll be able to listen to the heartbeat and give me at least some reassurance then (We’ve used the home doppler a few times, and have always managed to find the heartbeat on that, but all of the scare stories I was sent when I first posted about it have terrified the life out of me, unfortunately…): other than that, it’s just a countdown to the 20-week scan, which, in their infinite wisdom, our hospital have booked in for 21 weeks. They also booked my 12 week scan in for 13 weeks, and my 16 week midwife appointment for 18 weeks, so I feel a bit like they’re just trying to taunt me now, and that, as soon as I get close to one of those milestones I’ve been chasing, they’re just going to keep on moving it a little further away. We DID manage to get the 12 week scan moved forward, though, so I’m hoping we can do the same with the 20 week one, but… yeah, not going to hold my breath, really.
Week 16 Pregnancy Symptoms
EATING ALL THE THINGS. It’s strange, actually, because most of the time I’d say I don’t really have much of an appetite, and I never really seem to feel hungry, as such, but then, as soon as I start eating, it’s like the floodgates open and I can’t seem to stop myself, until I’ve eaten half the house. This is actually worrying me a bit: not in a health-anxiety kind of way, just in a “wow, I’m going to be absolutely HUGE by the end of this, aren’t I?” kind of way. I know you’re not supposed to say that, because wanting to keep your figure is silly and frivolous, and all that, but, well, I guess I AM silly and frivolous: WHO KNEW?
Still, I have to admit (and feel free to follow me through the streets, ringing a bell and shouting, “SHAME! SHAME!” at this point…), although I’ve been eating a lot, I haven’t been eating particularly healthily. This is honestly (HONESTLY) not like me, because Terry and I are usually pretty good at sticking to a balanced diet, but, as I mentioned, Terry’s mum started chemo last week, and although the first few days went pretty smoothly, that turned out to just be the universe taking the piss, and the rest of the week was pretty damn rough: for her especially, obviously, but I can’t even tell you (And sadly, I know I don’t even need to, because so many of you have been through this, too) how hard it is to watch someone you love going through this. We’ve been doing our best to be there for her as much as possible, because that’s really all we can do, and that’s meant we’ve been relying on fast food much more than we usually would. I keep telling myself I’ll totally manage to resit it, but then someone produces a bucket of KFC, and before I know what happened, I’m wearing it like a nosebag, and… yeah, I’ll just start handing out a free “SHAME!” bell to each new newsletter subscriber, shall I?
I will do better this week, I swear. All being well, we’ll (hopefully) be eating at home most of the week, so that should help: just, no one say the words, “Egg McMuffin” to me, OK?
Week 16 pregnancy aversions
Still coffee, I’m afraid. Sorry, coffee: I love you so much, but I just can’t be around you right now. It’s not you, it’s me, I promise… Maybe we can catch up again in January?
Week 16 pregnancy cravings
Steak pie. Which I wasn’t even thinking about until someone happened to mention it to me, and then it was all I could think about. We were going to go out and get some that day, but something else came up: luckily, the very next day, we came home to find that a steak pie had mysteriously appeared in the fridge – thanks, mum and dad!
Week 16 pregnancy fears (other than the obvious)
SLEEPING POSITIONS. I KNOW. Who the hell is scared of SLEEPING POSITIONS? Er, this girl, that’s who: ever since she read that she’s only “allowed” to sleep on her left side, and never, ever on her back, otherwise the baby will die. SOOOO reassuring, no?
When I first read this, I actually felt quite smug, because I’d finally – FINALLY – found something I could DO. I mean, I sleep on my left side anyway, always have, so I’d be able to just keep on doing what I’d always done, AND get Brownie points for it: I WIN AT PREGNANCY! Or, well, at this particular aspect of it, anyway. Of course, what I was totally forgetting here was that aspect of my personality which dictates that as soon as someone tells me I HAVE to do something, I immediately want to do the complete opposite. So, pretty much the second I read the whole “left side only” thing, I immediately wanted to sleep on my right side, but only when I’m not sleeping on my back, which is what I really, REALLY want. And, I mean, lord knows, I’ve spent YEARS trying to teach to myself to sleep on my back, purely to avoid those annoying sleep lines that I’ve been a martyr to for year nows. Nope, couldn’t do it: until it became absolutely essential that I NOT do it, and now, God, it’s just so damn comfy, WAH.
So, I’ve obviously been trying my very best NOT to sleep on my back, obviously, because although the study that all of this scaremongering comes from doesn’t seem particularly conclusive, I am very, very susceptible to scaremongering, and I’ve been well and truly mongered with this one. So every night, I dutifully lie on my left hand side, even although every nerve in my body is screaming, “RIGHT SIDE! RIGHT SIDE!” and then, what happens? Well, yesterday morning, I woke up flat on my back, with no memory of how I got there. After a quick freak-out, I rolled onto my left… and then woke up for the second time, a while later, happily curled up on my right. And now I feel like the worst person ever, because seriously, Amber, how hard can it be?
Anyway, I’ve given it a bit of thought, and the only solution I can come up with is to buy one of those weird body pillows pregnant women seem to love so much. I don’t really want to get one of these, though, partly because I don’t actually have any discomfort when I’m sleeping (YET), but mostly because they look huge, and I can’t imagine how one would actually fit into our small double bed, without Terry having to vacate it first. Still, I guess if it stops me constantly rolling onto my back, it might be the only option, so BRB, just off looking at kingsize beds…