Aaaand we’re back!

Did you miss me? Did you? Did you? Actually, on second thoughts, don’t answer that…

So, we got back late last night after a three hour delay in an airport in which every second flight seemed to have been either cancelled or diverted somewhere else. The place was just one seething mass of humanity, with people crammed into every available space, tucked under chairs and swinging from the ceilings like monkeys. Somehow, though, we survived, and have returned from our holiday to a towering pile of junk mail and an even bigger one of laundry, yay!

Some holiday highlights that I may or may not bore you all with later:

1. How the flu followed me from the UK to Tenerife, forcing me to spend the first three days of my holiday shivering under a pile of blankets, beach towels and assorted items of clothing, convinced that I was doomed to die far from home, in some Spanish hospital where I did not speak the language and therefore would be powerless to prevent the battery of hellish, experimental tests and procedures they would no doubt subject me to.

2. How, instead, I made a full recovery, and felt a bit stupid for having made Terry hire a heater for our hotel room, because, hello, it wasn’t THAT cold!

3. How it WAS quite cold, though: overcast most days, requiring sweaters and jeans/trousers to be worn most of the time, sometimes in multiple layers.

4. How I hadn’t actually packed many of the aforementioned items, having allowed myself to believe that it would, in fact, be blisteringly hot at all times, and no warm clothing would be required. (A particularly stupid move on my part because I’ve been to the Canary Islands out of season before, and I KNOW the weather can be chilly).

5. How this horrendous packing job of mine (look, I had the flu at the time, I obviously wasn’t thinking straight, OK?) “forced” me to visit the Zara near our apartment no less than seven times.

6. How I also visited the Mango close to our apartment often enough that I could probably draw you a map of that store, and everything in it, in my sleep.

7. How we managed to get our hire car impounded, and had to pay 119 euros to get it back.

8. How our apartment was located directly above a KARAOKE BAR. That was LOUD. Every night. Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE noise?

9. How, on our first Saturday night there, we were woken at 5.30am by an open air rave which we at first thought was happening in our bathroom, so loud was the music, but which actually turned out to be coming from the car park opposite the apartment. And which went on until 8am, even after 10 police cars showed up and made them turn the music down slightly.

10. How we insisted on being moved to another apartment after that.

11. How the new apartment was located next to the pool, which had a bar which played loud music all the livelong day. And into the night.

12. How it also had a double bed which was dressed with sheets belonging to a single bed. If you’ve never tried that particular combination, all I can say to you is: don’t.

13. How, actually, none of these events prevented us from having a fantastic time. No, really.

14. How we went to visit MONKEYS. And the monkeys came and sat on us, and put their little hands into ours, and tried to undo the knot in my halter neck top.

15. How I enjoyed this so much that I insisted we go back to visit the monkeys a second time.

16. How I then talked obsessively about monkeys for the rest of the holiday, and am still talking about them now. God, I want a monkey.

17. How we saw dolphins in the wild, from a speedboat which we got completely to ourselves, to sail close to the biggest cliffs we’ve ever seen. Amazing.

18. How an American bald eagle flew over our heads and touched me with his feet.

19. How we went to a water park on a sunny day and were flushed down a giant plughole.

20. How we drove up Mount Teide, on a road where we were above the clouds almost the whole time.

21. How we ate a LOT.

22. How, even although I’ve made it sound like a complete catalogue of disasters, we had a truly fantastic time. And I wish I was still there. Good job Christmas is coming up to distract me…