secret journal

The Secret Diary of a Failed Author

I started keeping diaries when I was 11 years old.

Those early rambles about my life, my thoughts, and how I was TOTALLY going to become a world-famous showjumping star one day, started a habit which I’ve never been able to break: and which, in 2006, led me to start this blog – which was basically a continuation of all of those paper journals I’d been confiding my deepest, darkest secrets to for most of my life.

The blog became a business, and now I spend my days writing about my life, and getting paid for it: a career I know my 11-year-old self would’ve thought was almost as cool as that of “showjumping detective” – which is what I thought I’d be doing by this point.

Blogging might have replaced journalling as my main creative outlet, however, but I still have all of those journals: a box full of them, in fact, going all the way back to my childhood. I’ve spent the last few years wondering what on earth to do with them all, and one night in May, the answer came to me: if my diaries were the precursor to my blog, then I might as well make them a part of it, by transcribing the entries, and making them a part of the story I’ve been telling here for the last ten years.

So that’s what I’m doing.

This section of my blog contains my not-so-secret diary entries. Over the coming months, I’m going to go through all of those paper journals, transcribe the bits I think are worth keeping, and get rid of the rest. As much as I’d love to be able to share the entire story, I know that’s not going to be possible: some things are just too personal to be published on the internet, and other stories (the ones which involve other people) are not mine to tell. I will, however, do my best to tell my story, in my own words, just as it was written all those years ago – no matter how boring or embarrassing it gets.

On that subject, if you do decide to follow these posts, I hope you’ll cut my younger self some slack: bear in mind that the person who wrote these entries didn’t expect them to be published, so she (er, I, rather…) didn’t write with an audience in mind, and didn’t worry too much about whether they were actually interesting or not. I mean, they probably WON’T be, for the most part, let’s be honest. That’s not why I’m doing this, though: I’m doing it because I’ve spent most of my life telling my story, in one form or another, and it suddenly occurred to me that I’d like to have it all in one place, here on my blog.

A quick guide to the secret diary…

As you read these posts, please bear in mind that:

01. These are real diaries, and were written a long time ago: I’m no longer the same person who wrote them!

02. For the sake of authenticity, grammar and spelling is (mostly) as in the originals, so there will be plenty of mistakes: no need to point them out!

03. Most names have been changed to protect the innocent (or guilty, as the case may be…).

Of course, the story isn’t over yet – or, at least, I hope not: so once you’re done with the diary entries, feel free to click the home button, and find out what I’m up to now!


  • I, like you, have years and years worth of journals from my younger life. Being that I’m a bit similar in regards to writing everything down, and growing up around the same time – albeit in different countries – it will be neat to read about your younger life. Very neat idea; I’ll be following along.

    May 12, 2016