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The Holiday Book

The battered looking object above is called The Holiday Book.

Actually, it’s called ‘Terry’s Holiday Book’, because it was Terry who started it: those of you with very long memories indeed may recall this post, in which I provided some extracts from Terry’s Holiday Journal: Tenerife 2010, along with some artfully filtered photos which I obviously thought were The Bomb at the time, but which quite blatantly aren’t – sorry about that. In the years since that post was written, however, Terry not only continued to keep his holiday journal (now in something like its 3rd edition), he also opened it up to the rest of the family.

I’m sure Terry would argue that he did this in order to get different perspectives on the important subject of our holidays, but actually it was because he got sick of having to sit and write a journal entry every night of a vacation, so he’d push it over to me and say, “Here, you’re the writer, YOU do it.” Then, on trips where my parents happened to be present, I’d hand it on to my mum and tell HER to do it. (The book never made it to my dad, for some reason: if it did, though, I’d imagine it would simply contain long lists of everything he bought, plus details of how much each item cost. What can I say, the man likes to shop…)

Anyway, as well as writing a quick journal entry every night when we’re on holiday (Yeah, OK, sometimes we miss a night … or five… and then have to backdate it), we also collect little random souvenirs from our trips, which we stick into the pages, a bit like a really crappy scrapbook. It’s mostly stuff like restaurant cards, receipts and suchlike, but we find it interesting to look back on it every so often, and it means that a lot of the little random things that would otherwise be totally forgotten get to be recorded – like the strange things our SatNav says:

Things Our SatNav says

(The SatNav is called ‘Marnica’ – she was named during our first trip to LA, when she repeatedly referred to Santa Monica Boulevard as “Santa Marnica Boulevard” – because she can say “boulevard”, but not “Monica”, apparently. So we named her Monica, but you have to say ‘Marnica’, obviously, or she won’t understand you.)

Or the time ducks started appearing in my bathroom during a trip to Flordia in 2012 (Black text mine, red text added by Terry later: by which I mean he originally wrote it in black, too, but I’ve used red in my transcription so you can tell which bits he added – I suspect you’d probably have guessed anyway, though…)

keeping a holiday journal

Day 11 – Monday 18/6/12

Woke up to find a 3rd duck in my bathroom. This one is polka dotted. The perp obviously knows me well: these are no random ducks.

Up at 7am for 8am departure. Terry almost hysterical with the effort of organising McNaughts into military precision. Today is his birthday. He is like, so sexy and hot, I can’t believe he is only 29! Made reasonably good time getting to Universal, and were rushed through the parking lot and Islands of Adventure by Drill Sergeant Terry, who was obviously some kind of evil dictator in a previous life. But deep down I thank God he knows everything. Park absolutely crammed with people. We joined a slow moving wall of flesh headed to Harry Potter Land. We were with these Muggles all day – felt like everyone in the state picked that day to go to Harry Potter Land. 

Got to Hogsmeade Village: it is absolutely stunning – definitely the best looking park I’ve been to, although we didn’t get to see too much of it as Terry had forbidden us from stopping for more than a few seconds at a time…

(Please excuse my terrible handwriting: I really wish it was all Pinterest-y and pretty, but the truth is that I write by hand so rarely these days that when I do pick up a pen, it feels a bit like leaning to walk again…)

OK, so the ducks thing DID get recorded in my blog, but these posts also helpfully illustrate the, er, precision with which Terry likes to manage family days out, don’t you think? Here is what my mum had to say on the matter of The Ducks:

19th June 2012

Woke up to accusation that I had somehow managed to lock Amber’s bathroom door from the inside. I am totally innocent of this particular ‘crime’. Eating breakfast when Amber announced that another duck had appeared in her bathroom. The ducks now number 4, and the mystery remains, well… a mystery. “

YEAH, RIGHT.

The Ducks

Just in case you think Terry’s level of organisation sounds unreasonable, however, bear in mind that the man basically spends family holidays herding cats, as evidenced by this entry, from our trip to Miami (My mum is Norma and my dad is John, just in case it wasn’t clear…):

Day 13

Waiting on The McNaughts getting ready to go to Vizcaya

Amber is faffing with plaster [Band Aid, presumably for a blister…] and asking Norma if she can ‘get away’ with that dress.

John is faffing with an attempt to purchase tickets to Jools Holland in Edinburgh. 

I am ready.

John is now applying Jungle Juice. Amber walks to the laptop and starts typing vigorously, probably blogging about the blister thing or something. 

Norma is now telling us that Jungle Juice is the best: going by the number of bites on her and John, the stuff works really well. 

Amber and John have now left the faffing area and gone to faff in their own rooms. Norma waits until they have gone, turns around to me with her waistband stretched out to reveal several spare inches, and says, “See this? I can eat as many pies as I like!”

John has now left the house to advance faff in the car.

Amber proclaims she is “ready”. Norma has now disappeared to look for her hat.

I am waiting at the door. Norma is the last of my flock still missing. She strides out of her room, rocket red hat in place and says, “Are we all ready to go, then?” I say yes, because I don’t have the heart to tell her that John is not wearing his red outfit today and that she should really have a brown hat to match his shirt. 

At last we leave. 

Miami 2013

 

Poor Terry.

Anyway! The reason I’m showing you this today is that I HAD planned to line up some advance posts to cover my holiday, but having to write an entire month’s worth of content for my two other blogs made that pretty much impossible. (Also made me lose my mind, but that’s a whole other story.) I DID write a few posts in advance, which you’ll be seeing soon, but the problem with having a “personal” blog is that you can’t exactly go and live your life in advance, just so you can line up posts for your blog, can you? So I figured that instead of trying to bend the time-space continuum to my will, I’m basically just going to blog the Holiday Book instead, by posting extracts from the ‘California 2015’ entries we’ll be writing whenever I have the time.

And, I mean, I’d probably have done something like that anyway – this blog may be monetised, but it’s also still my hobby, which means that I actually WANT to update it while I’m away – but I just thought I’d mention it so you don’t all abandon ship for the next few weeks, thinking I won’t be posting or something. I very much will be – and I’ll also be Snapchatting (ForeverAmberUK), and Instagramming and Tweeting and all that jazz*, so, you know, business as usual, basically. So I hope you’ll stick around…

*There will be no jazz. Sorry.

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13 Comments
  • Elise
    September 1, 2015

    Oh man I love a good diary post on here, I always laugh til I choke! (In hindsight, not a great thing, but worth it.) Terry and the faffing was priceless.

    • Amber
      September 1, 2015

      Bless you for commenting 🙂

  • Maria
    September 1, 2015

    We shall not abandon the ship. Go ahead and enjoy your holiday 🙂

  • Heather
    September 1, 2015

    Ive never heard the term “faffing” before but sounds appropriate 🙂

    Love the journal entries! Interesting to have a glimpse of a different viewpoint 🙂

    I feel a bit inspired to journal my next vacation….

  • Cat ^..^
    September 1, 2015

    Really love the holiday book idea and look forward to seeing it evolve during the holiday!

  • Natalie M.
    September 1, 2015

    Haha this is the best post. We’re so bad at keeping journals when we travel!

  • Fi
    September 1, 2015

    That original holiday diary post was possibly one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Looking forward to this year’s updates! X

  • Amber Rhodes
    September 1, 2015

    Your blog is the first I read each morning and I got such a great laugh this morning! Thanks Amber, very enjoyable and entertaining.
    Amber x

  • Chiarina
    September 2, 2015

    I am so jealous you actually manage to keep a travel diary… I have attempted and attempted and attempted that repetedly through the years, and even managed to convince my partner to help out (Amazing!) but when we travel we are just too caught up in the moment and end up with loads of White pages and a few scribbled words here and there. The few words we do manage to write down are good fun to re-read years later, though!
    I laughed out loud at Terry’s entry on faffing, whatever that means…
    Have a lovely, lovely time.

  • Allegra G.
    September 3, 2015

    We won´t leave the boat! Personally, I find your holiday posts hilarious (indeed, they are usually my favourite ones) and I am always looking forward to read more of them 🙂
    Posting about your vacation book is just a wonderful idea to let us get a glimpse into your off days without making you to write a complete and time consuming entry.

    Have fun in California!

When you have approximately 3 seconds to take a photo, but you just can’t let that wall go to waste... #bloggerproblems .
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#dresslikeamum #momiform #mumfashion #realmumstyle #spotmystyle #realoutfitgram #mumuniform #momuniform #mumswithstyle #stylemum #mumsthatshop #mumstylefiles #mumstyle #mumstyleblogger #streetart #wallmural #glasgowlife #glasgowstreetart

When you have approximately 3...

I took this photo on the little tram that takes you from the Magic Kingdom car park to the transportation centre: I’d give pretty much anything to be back there on this rainy Monday morning ...👪
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I took this photo on...

Currently inhaling my third coffee of the morning: I’ve been averaging about 6 hours sleep per night this week, thanks to a certain someone deciding that sleep is for the weak, and that he’ll just be getting up two hours earlier than usual 🤦‍♀️ Really hoping it’s just a phase: while it’s going on, I’m not fit to be seen, though, so here’s a photo from our visit to the beautiful Drummond Castle Gardens last week - such a beautiful place! 🏰 .
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#visitscotland #scotlandisnow #brilliantmoments #perthshire #visitperthshire #drummondcastlegardens #gardensofinstagram #ornamentalgarden

Currently inhaling my third coffee...

AD | So sad to be checking out of @highlandheatherlodges this morning: we’ve had such an amazing time here - it’s a beautiful place, with so much to do nearby, that we’ve really only scratched the surface: although that *could* be something to do with all the time we spent in the hot tub, obviously 😉 Thanks for having us, guys - we’ll definitely be back!
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AD | So sad to...

When other people take photos with their kids vs when I take photos with my kid... (Swipe right for an example of what happens every. single. time...)
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When other people take photos...

AD | We’re spending a few days at @highlandheatherlodges in beautiful Perthshire, for what Terry is optimistically referring to as his ‘birthday week’. (I say ‘optimistically’ - we’re only here for three days, and his birthday was yesterday, but don’t stop believing, Terry!)⁣
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There’s a hot tub for us and a playpark for Max, so needless to say, we’re having a fantastic time, and I’m already dreading having to leave. Today’s big question: can I pass as an under-12, so I qualify for a pony ride at the nearby wildlife centre? 🤔 (On second thoughts, don’t answer that one...)⁣
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AD | We’re spending a...

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The Holiday Book