At one point on New Year’s Eve, I found myself in the public toilet of the village community centre, where we’d gathered for a full-village Hogmanay bash (We’d gathered in the community centre, I mean, not in its toilet; that would’ve been weird even by Village standards…), along with a group of teen and pre-teen girls, who were rehearsing a complicated dance routine, which they would deliver later, to rapturous applause.
“My New Year’s Resolution is to stop caring what people think of me,” said one girl, during a break in proceedings.
Everyone nodded, impressed.
“Mine is to get abs,” said another.
Silence.
I paused in the act of removing my lipstick from the corners of my mouth, where it had already migrated, making me look a lot like The Joker, even though it was still only 8pm, and I’d only been wearing it for about 30 minutes.
As the only adult (well, sort of…) in the room at the time, I felt like I should maybe step up here to explain to these girls that no 11-year-old (or 12, or 13, or ANY year-old, really) needs to “get abs”. Like, I could deliver a rousing speech, a bit like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society — or maybe more like America Ferrera in the Barbie movie? — and, in years to come, they’d all look back fondly on the time a random woman who looked a bit like The Joker changed the course of their young lives in a public bathroom by pointing out that not caring what people think of you is, perhaps, a loftier goal than that of getting abs.
Fortunately for me, though, before I could work up the courage to speak in front of teenagers, the girls all launched into another dance routine, and the moment was lost. It was probably for the best, too, because not only could I not decide whether I was America Ferrera or Robin Williams in this scenario, as much as I’d love to be able to tell you that I am the Girl Who Doesn’t Care What People Think of Her in any given friendship group, I think it’s probably obvious to everyone reading this by now that I am, in fact, very much The Girl Who Wants Abs — and who secretly still believes that the start of a brand new year is the perfect time to get them.
As proof of this, here’s a photo of me on January 3rd 2023, three days into my ill-fated bid to learn to do the splits:
NARRARTOR: But Amber never did learn to do the splits; because even though the perky 21-year-old on the You Tube video swore it was easily achievable in 7 days or less, three weeks later Amber still hadn’t progressed much further than this, and by then it was almost February, and it seemed easier to just accept that there was probably something wrong with her which rendered the splits physically impossible. So she gave up.
It was a shame, really, because I was highly motivated at the start of January by an imagined scenario whereby I was surrounded by friends and family — for reasons still tbc — and I suddenly surprised everyone by sliding gracefully and effortlessly into a front split which absolutely no one had imagined me capable of. I’d already started writing a blog post about it in my head: it was going to be called ‘I Learned To Do The Splits Even Though I’m Old, and You Can Too!’ and, once I’d amazed everyone with it, I was planning to move onto other random accomplishments, like ballet dancing, say, or maybe those yoga moves where you balance on your arms with your legs held out in front of you. It was going to be ace, seriously. I was going to transform my entire life and personality; a change which would one day be traced back to this pink yoga mat, and a single New Year’s Resolution.
Ahem.
Back at our table in the community centre gymnasium, meanwhile, my nephew asked me what my goal for the year was, before revealing that his is to “be less reactive”.
“That’s a good one,” I said thoughtfully, not wanting to admit that mine was to learn to play ‘Cardigan’ by Taylor Swift on the electric keyboard my parents bought Max for his birthday. “I’m not sure I have any, really.”
This, of course, was a blatant lie, born mostly from the memory of my 2023 splits challenge, and the failure thereof. The truth is that I have TONS of goals for the year. I LOVE goals. And although I totally get why some people hate the idea of New Year’s Resolutions, they’re one of the few things I can’t bring myself to be cynical about, because I cannot resist that ‘fresh page’ feeling, or the idea that I could totally transform my life in the next 365 days.
“As well as playing it on the keyboard,” I told my sister-in-law, a few paper cups of prosecco later, “I think I might also learn to sing it. Oh, and the app I downloaded has guitar lessons too!”
My mind flashed-forward to New Year’s Eve 2024, at which I would surprise and delight everyone by sitting down at the piano which had somehow materialized, and revealing the kind of musical talent Simon Cowell can only dream of one day discovering.
“We’ve really misjudged Amber,” everyone would say. “We all thought she was just the weirdo who never speaks to anyone on the school run, but look at her now!” Then I’d go back to the beautiful, glass-fronted mansion I’d bought with all of the money I’d earned in the past year, from my books, and my Substack, and my miraculously-rejuvenated blog, and I would pull out a fresh, new notebook, and begin writing down my goals for 2025.
Oh, and I would also have abs, naturally. Why not, though? The thing about New Year is that it makes you feel like anything is possible. I can play the song. I can write the book. I can… well, OK, I probably can’t do the splits: experience has taught me that, if nothing else. But I can at least tell myself I can do the splits — and for a few short weeks, I will believe it, too. I will briefly be the kind of person who might one day drop gracefully into a front split, while simultaneously playing Cardigan on the piano, and if that thought doesn’t get me through January, I don’t know what will.
(We’ll, er, worry about February when we get to it, I guess…)
So. This year I aim to…
- Make my blog profitable again.
- Finish my book series.
- Become a Substack bestseller.
- Stay debt-free, other than my loan.
- Have as many holidays as possible.
- Learn to play Cardigan on the keyboard.
- Get abs.
- Care less what people think of me.
And you?
Amber McNaught (@foreveramber)
12/17/2013New blog post is up, featuring that gold sequin skirt: http://t.co/GTlTAPoxD5 #scottishbloggers #fbloggers #ootd http://t.co/M1cuc8piGD
Suzanne
12/17/2013Wow I love this skirt! And how you’ve styled it. And the fact that it has pockets. And hey! You don’t have any snow there yet!
I was one of those people that never wore sequins in my life, except when I was a kid when I took dance. Now I’m addicted to them.
bisous
Suzanne
Amber
12/17/2013Indeed! We’re hoping we don’t get any this year – the last few years have been a bit freaky for snow, so here’s hoping things are back to normal and we won’t get any!
Charlotte (@makupbcandlelit)
12/17/2013Beautiful, extravagant skirt – love it! Xx
Makeup by Candlelight
Frida
12/17/2013I love it! I have got a sequined grey/silver skirt with the sales and I was keeping it for the holidays, I was thinking of an almost identical look as yours, with a black turtleneck or black blouse, and seeing it on you makes me even more convinced about the skirt: you are right, a sequin skirt is something that should be in a girl’s wardrobe.. 😀
Kelly
12/17/2013That skirt is fabulous!
Tracey
12/17/2013I actually considered buying a dress with sequinned sleeves a short time ago, they were just like your skirt. It is awesome and you should wear it a lot.
Erika
12/17/2013It is a beautiful skirt! And you are right, the black turtle neck sweater seems to go with so much, and it is the perfect way for you to dress it down.
My problem is that all of the black tops I use to dress my outfits down are way too faded. I seem to go through black clothing the most!
Annette
12/17/2013That’s such a fabulous skirt and your styling is perfect. So elegant yet effortless.
It’s always the others who love the snow… we have snow and I don’t need it at all!!
Annette | Lady of Style
Sarah
12/18/2013That is such a great skirt!
char
12/18/2013I really, really love it on you! I totally forgot to take any photos of the time I wore mine, which I suppose means I shoudl recreate it and take some photos – please tell me I’m not the only person who does that.
If you get any snow, I’d be happy to take it off your hands, btw. I love snow.
Call me M
12/18/2013How gorgeous is this skirt! It was a good decision to buy it after all. I think you’ll find many ways to wear it. And it looks great dressed down. And pockets? Wow! I really love it when skirts and dresses have pockets.
Very elegant look!
Emily Jayne
12/19/2013Yay! It looks totally fabulous!
Violet
12/19/2013Hi Amber, I just wanted to tell you that you never stop impressing me with your sense of style, Like you I love retro clothing. I have been reading your blog long but I cannot comment often because I have trouble with my eyes, so I cant use a lot of the computer. But I will have a laser procedure soon so I will be finally able to read more books ( am addicted to books just like you) and of course write many more comments here. I absolutely adore your Shoeperwoman and Fashion Police pages. Your sequin skirt is a hit with me. Hug Rubin from me, he is SO adorable! Your blog makes my day! Keep warm! Violet.
Amber
12/19/2013Aww, what a lovely comment – thanks so much! Best of luck with your laser procedure: I would love to have laser surgery on my eyes, so I’d love to hear how you get on!
Susana N.
12/20/2013Love this look! Maybe I’ll finally be motivated to buy and use sequins. Anyway, I wanted to asks, do you wear tights? I’d like to find some that will make it warm and comfortable for me to wear skirts and dresses out on a cold night. Thanks in advance!!
PS I’m so glad to see you finally got a heartbreaker dress. (Yes, I know that was an old post) I knew those dresses would look fabulous on you.
Amber
12/20/2013Yes, I wear tights if it’s too cold bare legs – these are nude fishnets, but there are lots of photos of opaque tights in the archives too!
I actually have a couple of Heartbreaker dresses, one of which is a few years old now: I love them!
Tatyana
12/20/2013That skirt! Oh mu goodness! 🙂
Stunning as ever! x
Tatyana
http://www.secretlittlestars.com
Dolly
12/31/2013I love the skirt! I do like the colour gold but I can’t wear it sadly. I find its a tricky colour to wear but you’ve styled it very nicely
Olca
12/31/2013Loooove this dress! And the way you styled it, of course. Always so stunning!
http://www.olca.co.uk
Teona
01/03/2014Absolutely love this skirt! unfortunately they don’t have it anymore 🙁