This week we finally ran out of new things to watch on Netflix, so we did what we always do in this situation: we started re-watching Friends.
Now, I know it’s not really the done thing to still like Friends these days, because of all of the things that are retrospectively problematic about it, but as we worked our way through the first couple of seasons, it wasn’t the fat-shaming, or the ‘Chandler’s dad’ storyline, or even the really quite incredible late 90s hairstyles that jumped out at me.
No, it was Richard.
I remember when the Monica/Richard storyline first aired, I was vaguely creeped out by it, because Richard was OMG OLD. He was a grandfather! An elderly gentleman! Pretty much dead, really. And every time Rachel and Phoebe inexplicably lusted after him, or Monica so much as looked at him, I’d just be like, “Seriously? He’s going to literally die soon, surely?! What are they thinking?!”
And then this week I re-watched the episode where Monica’s parents find out that Monica and Richard are together and it turns out that the other thing that was revealed in that episode is that Richard? Was supposed to have just turned 50 at the time: as had Monica’s parents, who also seemed to me to be more or less ready for the urn, basically.
Fifty.
They were only 50! Which actually seems quite young to me now: or at least not that old.
“Oh my God,” I said, turning to Terry in horror. “We’re closer to Richard’s age than we are to Monica’s age now. We could literally be Monica’s parents. Well, almost. If we’d had her when we were really young, obviously.”
I’m not sure why the aging process always comes as such a shock to me, but it always, always does. Like last year, for instance, when I was at a wedding with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while, and at one point I remember looking at them all and thinking, “Wait: these people all look like they could be someone’s parents suddenly!” And, of course, they are all someone’s parents. I am ‘someone’s parent’. Somehow, almost without noticing it, we’ve gone from being the Friends to being the Friends’ parents, and I’m finding this concept kind of hard to get my head around — for reasons that are obviously hopelessly tied up with ageism and misogyny, etc etc, but which are nevertheless proving hard to shake when I’m still sitting here waiting for my life to really begin, and wondering if I should just have the last of the Christmas chocolate for breakfast again.
In my head, though, I’m still about 25/26 — the age the Friends are supposed to be during the ‘Richard’ era — and I still feel like I have much more in common with Monica, Rachel and co. (and particularly with Chandler…) than I do with their parents, with their shoulder pads, and their knowledge of how to tip someone without making it awkward. Because I, too, still feel like I’m always stuck in second gear. That it hasn’t been my day, my week, my month, or even my year. That these two people are not even CLOSE to being my age:
I mean, Judy Geller would no way have impulse-ordered an ASOS jogger co-ord yesterday because she saw it on an influencer half her age and momentarily forgot she can’t pull that look off, would she?1 And Jack definitely wouldn’t be borrowing money from his mum for the Taylor Swift concert. No, Jack and Judy Geller were proper adults; ones with pension funds and retirement plans, and… wait: is that just the same thing? Is there a difference? Should I know the difference? I bet Judy and Jack know the difference…
(In this episode, Jack reveals that he bought a Porsche as his mid-life crisis item. “We’re not even going to be able to afford a mid-life crisis!” I wailed to Terry, obviously forgetting that the green ASOS tracksuit probably IS my mid-life crisis, and that I can’t really afford that either. “Everyone else is going to have a much cooler mid-life crisis than us, because they’re all REAL adults, and we’re not even financially stable yet.”)
Does everyone feel like this, I wonder? I mean, is it weird that I feel like I have more in common with a group of house-sharing 20-somethings than I do with people my own age, or does everyone secretly feel like they’re just pretending to be grown-ups, and not really fooling anyone in the process?
And yet…
“Mummy, did planes have propellors when you were alive?” Max asked me a few nights ago, during one of his regular bedtime ‘Q&A’ sessions.
“I still AM alive, Max,” I pointed out, pinching myself just to be sure we hadn’t inadvertently slipped into some kind of ‘I see dead people’ situation. “And, no, planes looked the same as they do now. I’m not THAT old.”
Max looked at me doubtfully. Then he went to his room where he drew this picture of me writing my books on a typewriter, because that’s what people did back when I was ‘alive’, apparently:
(I like the way the pieces of paper which are flying off my typewriter appear to be going from the typewriter directly to the bin behind me, almost as if that’s where they belong. Ima try not to read too much into this…)
As far as Max is concerned, I am a ‘proper’ grown-up: one who has all — or, OK, most — of the answers, and who probably remembers the invention of the wheel. No amount of ill-advised tracksuits or Taylor Swift tickets will persuade him otherwise. To him, and to pretty much everyone under 30, I am an old person from ‘the olden days’, and am almost certainly lying when I try to insist that planes didn’t still have propellers when I was ‘alive’ — which is his way of saying ‘when I was young’: a distinction which, to most people, doesn’t really exist, as you’re only really alive when you’re young, and everything that comes after that is irrelevant.
I am basically Tom Selleck, then, only hopefully without the moustache. Meanwhile, my husband is on the board of the village community association, our best friends are teachers, and, to all outward appearances, there is absolutely no doubt that we are, in fact, the older generation.
Yes, folks, I’m calling it: it’s time for my mid-life crisis. It’s going to be hard to pull off without a Porsche and a retirement plan, but at least I’ll have that green tracksuit, so I guess that’s something …
Peggy Lyu
01/02/2015Happy New year to you and Terry! And rubin too!
Shari
01/02/2015Oh good Lord, your photos are always amazing and inspiring, Amber! Who takes them, btw? 🙂 I hope you have a great 2015! Your voice is awesome and I hope to read more of your adventures this year! 🙂
Amber
01/02/2015Thanks! The outfit photos are taken by my husband, Terry, and the rest are taken by me 🙂
Holly
01/02/2015Completely superficial, but that skirt looks amazing on you!
Tina
01/02/2015Dear Amber,
I am really glad all difficulties are over and next year will be full of good things only!
I love love love your blog and wish you further success!
I like everything you wear, your taste, looks, everything! 🙂
Happy New Year!
Anna Nuttall
01/02/2015Happy New Year Amber. I love that striped skirt! Keep us up to date on how you get on writing your book. 🙂 xx
Corinne
01/02/2015I would be all for buying and reading a book by you!
Now I’m going to have to listen to Counting Crows have you have that song stuck in my head!
Hope you have a bit more excitement in 2015!
Corinne x
Brit
01/02/2015Happy New Year Amber. I would love reading a book by you. Thanks for introducing this song from the Counting Crows. I didn’t know it and now I think I will listen to it for the rest of the day.
Brit
DANA
01/02/20152014 was when I stumbled upon a blog I found myself wanting to return to (a first!), and have been returning regularly to make sure I don’t miss a post.
What draws me in is the varity in topics, the insights, the unique style of writing – and of course the Random Acts of Stupidity and assorted googly eyed beings.
2014 was also the year I typed up my first comment – anywhere on The Internets.
And here we are again in 2015…
Rubin, Terry and Amber – may you have a 5 gnome year!
(perhaps Larry will make an appearance; unless he insists on keeping a low profile)
Tess
01/02/2015High 5!
TinaD
01/02/2015Happy New Year–and for the record, I think “look ma, new bathroom!” and “the day they came and dug up my house” might count as milestones of a sort. Although it’s really nice to see that, as with childbirth, in the aftermath you appear to have forgotten some of the pain:)
Emily Jayne Phillips
01/02/2015Spectacular outfit! Happy new year to you – and there is a lot to be said for fine 🙂
Layla
01/02/2015Happy New Year! I’m sure 2015 will hold lots of exciting things for you!
Diana
01/02/2015Lovely outfit, I love how you combined everything and those shoes are amazing!
I hope 2015 turns out as great as you want it to be! 🙂
CiCi Marie
01/02/2015I feel exactly the same about 2014 – hence my round-up posts were all about the superficial things that wearing clothes during the year taught me. Really not that life-changing..! I felt a bit of a failure, everyone else seemed to be doing everything and my 2014 ended much as 2013 did. But, having nothing bad happen, like you say, is definitely good. And means that the next year could bring something amazing. I’m glad you’re saying the same thing, really. Oh, and you look absolutely stunning in these photos – I love the leaning out of the car shots, they’re beautiful. Happy New Year 🙂 CC x
secretlittlestars
01/02/2015You look so gorgeous! Probably one of my favourite posts of you! 🙂 Happy New Year! xxx
Tatyana x
Secret little Stars
http://www.secretlittlestars.com
Call me M
01/03/2015That first photo is soooo beautiful! It looks like a movie poster, or a photo in a magazine! And such a pretty look once again! You always look amazing.
Happy New Year Amber! I hope all your wishes and dreams come true this year! 🙂
Lisa
01/03/2015Happy New Year Amber! Love this look… so old Hollywood Glamorous!
xo,
Lisa
http://www.prettylittleshoppers.org
Lisa Ven
01/03/2015Very well put! Your blog is def my fave! happy new year 🙂 x
Maissaa Zahran
01/03/2015Awesome photo you look great.
Maissaa
01/03/2015You look amazing. Hair glasses makeup outfit and sheos I loved the look so much it hurts
L
01/04/2015Here’s to a 2015 that is more than “fine” – and now I’m going to go listen to that song, which I haven’t heard in years. It sounds better than I remember it being. 🙂
Moni
01/07/2015Same here, Amber, and I don’t feel bad about it.
For me 2014 has been a pleasant year, but without big events that changed my life. So what? I had my share of “big things” (new job in 2012, vacation overseas all by myself in 2013) in the years before, and I was very satisfied with just having a nice, easy year that just let me be happy enjoy myself.
And I wouldn’t mind if 2015 continued along that line.
last year's girl
01/08/2015Oh, my 2014 was (at least at its lowest points) abysmal. Win some, lose some.
Thanks so much for commenting on my blog as it means I’ve been able to discover your own site! Cue a flurry of subscribing every which way, because I love you already 🙂
And these photos are incredible.
x
Amber
01/08/2015Oh, thank you – I’m really enjoying yours, too (and also Cameron’s, which I’ve just discovered through you!): fabulous stuff – it’s been ages since I found a blog that made me want to sit and go through the archives for hours, so I’m happy to have found you 🙂