Christmas Day 2015

Well, it’s been a pretty quiet Christmas.

I mean that literally, by the way: as in, I lost my voice on Christmas Eve, and it didn’t come fully back until Boxing Day. I LOST MY FREAKING VOICE. And, I mean, I almost always get a Christmas Day cold: it’s been happening for years, and is just one of the many things about Christmas that confuses me. Like that song that starts, “When the snowman brings the snow!” Snowmen don’t bring snow, people! FFS. Or like the way everyone goes around for the two weeks before The Big Day going, “Can you believe it’s only 14 days until Christmas? Can you believe it’s only 13 days until Christmas?” Like, it’s the same time every year, folks, it’s time you got a handle on this, seriously!

But I digress.

I was expecting to get sick, is what I’m saying, and while I was pretty resentful to be getting sick so soon after the LAST time I was sick (the time also know as “last week, and also the week before”), when I woke up on Christmas Eve with the start of yet another head cold, I was quietly resigned to my fate. And, again, I mean that literally, because by the time I went to bed that night, my voice was all husky and breathy, in a way I thought sounded a bit like Marilyn Monroe, but which Terry informs me sounded more like someone dying of consumption. Which is what I suspected was happening, actually.

(“Sing!” my mum kept telling me. “Sing!” This is the kind of thing I have to deal with, seriously…)

By Christmas morning, however, I was sounding more like Marge Simpson than Marilyn Monroe, and there were moments where my voice would just disappear entirely, much to the amusement of my family. I didn’t let it stop me enjoying the day, of course, but it did slightly put a damper on the evening (for me, anyway: I think everyone else quite enjoyed it, really) when my voice gave up altogether, and I was left having to helplessly try to mime, “Can I have another glass of champagne?” and “Is no one going to get the cheeseboard out yet?” GOD.

Anyway, as I said, it didn’t spoil the day itself, which was as lovely as it always is. One of the highlights for us is seeing how my mum will have decorated the table: every year she normally tries to incorporate little reminders of things we’ve done during the year, so we had playing cards from Las Vegas, cactus candles from Palm Springs, pink roses from PUMP restaurant in L.A. , and some amazing globes filled with fairy lights – which I’m afraid you’re just going to have to imagine, because guess who didn’t check the battery in the camera was charged before leaving the house? Er, yes, that’s right, it was Rubin. Totally his fault. HE HAD ONE JOB.ONE. Ahem. I did get a few photos before it died, but the rest had to be taken with my iPhone, and they really don’t do justice to it at all, so sorry about that.

Once I’d failed to properly photograph the table, we sat down to another amazing meal (We went the non-traditional route and had steak on Christmas Day, followed by the traditional turkey and stuffing on boxing day. GOD, it was good.), followed by the usual cheese, chocolates, more cheese, more chocolates, and I honestly don’t know how I even stood up at the end of it all, I really don’t. Still, we had a fantastic Christmas, and by Boxing Day my voice was almost back to normal, which I’m sure was a relief to everyone. (I mean, I did start the day sounding a bit like Bob Dylan, but at least that was better than the high-pitched squeak of the night before, which made me feel like I was in one of those nightmares where you’re trying to scream, but nothing comes out. Scary.)

Anyway, that was our Christmas, and a very lovely one it was. However you spent it, I hope you’ve all had a lovely few days: now roll on New Year!