So, Iām writing a novel. God, I know, how tedious of me. Everyone is writing a novel these days. Even Terry has tried it, and, to be perfectly honest, Iād be surprised if Rubin doesnāt have one in the pipelines too ā “My Life With Wolves” or something. The thing thatās different about my novel, though, is that, unlike all of these other novels I’m always hearing about, itās highly unlikely that mine will ever be finished. Iām the mistress of procrastination, remember, and if thereās one thing I know how to do, itās how to do a job badly.
I am writing my novel very badly. Iām stopping and starting with depressing regularity (Well, the stopping is regular, anyway. The starting, not so much.) Every so often Iāll have a rush of enthusiasm, and Iāll spend two or three weeks hammering away at the keyboard, frantically cranking out word after word, absolutely convinced that this is totally going to be the BEST NOVEL EVER and that when Iām finished, why, an agent will probably snap me right up and Iāll be rich and famous like JK Rowling, and will spend my days lying on a chaise in a silk nightgown, sipping martinis and typing a few exquisitely crafted chapters every now and then, The End. (Agents who are reading this and who are desperate to make this dream a reality: call me!)
Anyway, this latest break has been the longest one so far. I had a rush of enthusiasm back in 2004, and another one in 2005. Both of these happened when Terry was ill and I was all āadversity maketh the man!ā and all that, but then the business got busy and I started spending all my time looking at shoes on the internet, and gah, no novel. Last night was the first time in about six months that Iāve so much as opened the folder in which the novel lives, though: I had been drinking wine and I thought that would cushion the blow, but nope, not a chance. The Novel was horrifically bad: so much so that I decided to start again from scratch. So I opened a new file, changed the font a few times, and thenā¦ nothing.
Well, actually, not quite nothing. I have about 2,000 words, but most of them don’t count because I just copied and pasted them from the last, doomed draft of the novel. Tonight I will copy and paste some more, and maybe even add some shiny new fresh ones, and, in this way, we will proceed for the next week or so, until I eventually throw my hands up in horror and announce, that GOD, I am so never going to be a novelist! Why do I ever tell myself I could be a novelist?
I do it, I suppose, because it’s still my most deeply cherished dream. One day I will do it, and I’m mentioning it here because, hey! If I give up this time, you all can shout at me, ‘kay?
Diane
09/26/2006Oh I’m just the same! Except mine’s a mysterious and secretive writing project and not a novel… here’s to getting things done! x
Amber
09/26/2006Ooh, I like mysterious and secretive! Is this the one you've mentioned in your blog?
Linda
09/26/2006Hey Amber, that's impressive.
I was supposed to be doing 12 short stories in 12 months for a collection called "I wish my wife was this dirty" (but not in that way) and so far I have managed…one that I am happy with and two that I'm not.
Good luck. You get on with it. Good day.
Amber
09/27/200612 stories in 12 months?! /faints. God, that sounds scary. Love the title though š
Diane
09/27/2006ooh that sounds like a great idea Linda- don't give up!
No it's even more mysterious than that, Amber! (this is breaking news in fact!)
I did move some words around on it yesterday after I read your blog though, so I feel better about it now š
Jen
09/27/2006Amber: that's fantastic! Think you'd make a superb novelist š
I once tried to write a novel at 15 years old. It was about a girl who went to drama school, and was pretty much me writing as if it were my life.
I wrote about 50 pages and then abandoned it. Because it was rubbish, mostly. Lol.
OE
09/28/2006Try this:
STEP 1: use Typepad's "export posts" thingummy to generate a complete text file of your blog posts
STEP 2: Paste text into a word processor, and do a word count.
STEP 3: Remember that a typical novel is only maybe 60-80,000 words.
STEP 4 [Probably] Be pleasantly surprised. If you already blog regularly, a novel is certainly acheivable.
OE
Gemma
09/28/2006tell you what…I'll let you read mine if you let me read yours?
Mine is crap. But I still have faith it can be rescued if I leave it alone long enough to get back some enthusiasm.
Amber
09/28/2006Thanks, Jen – mine is mostly about my life too, which is probably why it's so crap!
OE – the problem is, though, that there's no plot necessary for blogging š The novel needs a plot, and, um, it kind of doesn't have much of one…
Gemma – You're on. I just need to redraft it about a dozen times first š
Linda
09/30/2006Hi Amber, me back again.
Just wanted to let you know that after reading this and Gemma's thought on "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" I have just set up a new blog with my short stories on at http://passionatemedia.typepad.com/stories
The blog, like the stories, is a work in progress but I suppose I do want people to look at them so please do have a look if you get chance.
And I suppose I also have to admit I would welcome any comments.
Thanks, now I'm going back to bed.
Jen
10/01/2006OE. That's interesting, I'm off to try that now.
I blog an obscene amount, so I think I may well just surprise myself š
Amber
10/01/2006Linda – looks fab! Haven't had time to have a proper read yet, but will do soon!