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Amber Vs Philip Kingsley Elasticizer: A Play in Three Acts

ACT ONE: It Begins

Scene 1: A generic, blogger-bedroom, decorated in shades of pink and grey. AMBER is sitting at the dressing table, staring disconsolately at her refection. Her hair appears to have the texture and consistency of straw.

AMBER: I don’t know… it’s like, my hair used to look OK? But now my head looks a bit like that old sofa I saw abandoned by the side of the road that time, with all of the stuffing falling out of it. I expect an eye-wateringly expensive hair product is the answer to this porblem, and, even if it isn’t, I think I’m going to buy one, anyway!

Scene 2:The same room. Amber is still sitting by the mirror, however, she now holds an iPhone in front of her, with the ASOS app open on the screen. In a move that’s clearly familiar to her, she expertly navigates to the beauty section, and hovers over a product. It is PHILIP KINGSLEY ELASTICIZER EXTREME.

AMBER: OMG, this is £32! I’ve literally had haircuts that cost less than that! Still, it’s got to be REALLY good for that price, no? And it says it will add elasticity, bounce and shine, which is exactly what I’m looking for. I’ll add it to my basket! And also this Tangle Teezer detangling hairbrush… which, hmmm, is only for wet hair, so it looks like I’ll need this one, too? And now I’m spending an absolutely ridiculous amount of money on hair care, but, I mean, I guess I should see it as an investment? In looking like a mermaid? While I’m here, I might also just get this weird, knotted cushion. And, ooh! Is that a pair of those socks that make all the skin fall off your feet? GET IN MAH BASKET!

Philip Kingsley Elasticizer Extreme Review

(Philip Kingsley Elasticizer Extreme is SO extreme it could not be allowed in the house for this photo.)

(ACT TWO: The First Application

Scene 1:A messy white kitchen. AMBER is pulling a weird, knotted cushion out of a large cardboard box, while TERRY looks on, bemused. 

AMBER: Er, this cushion was all I got, seriously. Well, this cushion and a tub of £35 hair conditioner, which isn’t actually hair conditioner, it’s a pre-shampooing treatment that you leave on your hair for 25 minutes, then wash off, and after that, your dry, over-treated hair looks just like a mermaid’s!

TERRY: “…”

Scene 2: The bathroom. Amber is reading the instructions on the back of the PHILIP KINGSLEY ELASTICIZER EXTREME tub, with her wet hair wrapped in a towel turban.

AMBER: OK, so I wet my hair, as instructed, then I applied the product, put a shower cap and a towel over my head, and now I’ve to wait 25 minutes, except I think I’ll just wait for, like, 40, because what could possibly go wrong?

Scene 3: The dressing table. Amber is, once again, staring at her hair in the mirror, only, this time, her hair looks like it’s been dipped in a vat of grease. 

AMBER: Yeah.  They really weren’t joking when they said I might need to shampoo twice to make sure all the residue was removed, were they? Like, I know I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes blow-drying it, but my hair still looks wet? And even my hands are sticky, just from touching it! And I don’t have time to shampoo it again now, so I’m going to have to go out like this, having basically just spent £35, just to make my hair look even worse than when I started. Well, I have learned my lesson! I will never, ever do this again!

NARRATOR: But Amber did, in fact, do it again…

pink and grey bedroom with kotted cushion and LED marquee lightsACT 3: The Second Coming

Scene 1: The now-familiar dressing table, with AMBER sitting in her towel turban, clutching the tub of ELASTICIZER EXTREME. 

AMBER: So, I expect the problem here was that I applied too much, and left it too long. This time I’ve applied it much more sparingly, and only to the ends, so what could possibly go wrong now?

Scene 2: Bedroom. Mirror. A hairdryer now lies on the dressing table, along with the two hairbrushes from the ASOS order. Amber’s hair looks reasonably normal at the roots, however the ends of the hair, once again, look like they’ve been dipped in grease. 

AMBER: And NOW I’ve learned my lesson! Never, ever again will I spend a large amount of money on a product I know probably won’t work! Would totally get another one of those cushions, though.

She turns around to look lovingly at the weird, knotted cushion, which sits triumphantly on the bed, unsullied by its association with the tub of ELASTICIZER. 

THE END

Fade out on a shot of the tub of PHILIP KINGSLEY ELASTICIZER EXTREME sitting in the trash. It is hard to avoid the thought that it would’ve been quicker and easier – if not any cheaper – for Amber to have just thrown her £32 directly into this bin, thus skipping all of the above. We would like to think she’ll do that next time, except we know she definitely won’t, will she?

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20 Comments
  • EffEmm
    August 20, 2018

    Nice cushion 😉

    I was about to recommend Wella Power Mask. It was ace when I used to have dry, processed hair (not saying your hair is dry or processed!). But I’ve just discovered it’s been discontinued 🙁 Maybe worth asking a salon what’s replaced it, and whether it’s the same. It was honestly the best product I ever used.

  • Bex M
    August 20, 2018

    What a rollercoaster 😂 sorry it didn’t work out for you- I believe when I tried it it wasn’t hydrating enough would you believe it! Side note I would pay to watch this play.

  • shayja
    August 20, 2018

    Oh dear! I loved this treatment, and it really made a difference in my hair. For the better I mean. But briefly. And sadly I rarely have time to chill in a shower cap almost half an hour BEFORE going to shower. Sigh…

  • Alice
    August 20, 2018

    I read about this stuff and it didn’t make my hair greasy but it didn’t make the slightest difference, either. Not worth the hype or the money.

  • Linda Libra Loca
    August 20, 2018

    I guess it shows where I am at in my life if I am sitting here thinking: Oh, 32 $? That isn´t that much actually…

    Anne|Linda, Libra, Loca

  • lalie
    August 20, 2018

    sorry Amber had to go through that, but the post cheered up my day and made me laugh!
    Thanks to your post a wayyyyyyy back, my life changed with Babyliss Big Hair, so I hope you find another holy grail very soon. Tangle Teezer are ace.

  • Sara
    August 20, 2018

    I too found it left my hair extremely greasy unfortunately 🙁 I purchased from QVC though and was able to return under their 30 day money back guarantee (they let you return USED products for a refund if not to your liking – you just have to pay P&P!). Great way to avoid costly mistakes as these hyped products can so often be disappointing!

  • Myra
    August 20, 2018

    I’ve used this brand and have had tricologist sessions at their salon in posh end London at astronomical costs. I found their products excelkent.

  • Rebecca
    August 21, 2018

    I have curly, bleached to high heaven hair and I love this stuff. I find that the only way to use it is to shampoo first, apply and leave (sometimes for hours!) and shampoo twice to remove. I think shampooing first makes all the difference and it leaves my hair soft, smooth and not greasy in the slightest and I have extremely oily roots. Maybe give it one more go?

  • Ruby
    August 21, 2018

    You might have low porosity hair – looking for products aimed at that could be worth a try. Mine is, and non-specific conditioning treatments tend to do this to it. And anyway, you needed another reason to spend time and money on hair products right…

  • Catherine
    August 21, 2018

    This post is brilliantly formatted. And I am reminded of the time I did a olive oil hair mask. Pure olive oil. All over my hair. Had to wash my hair 3 times to get it all out… 🙁 It defeats the purpose of a moisturising product if you are having to wash your hair multiple times to be free of it…

    • Amber
      August 21, 2018

      I once did the same with coconut oil – seriously thought it was never going to come out. And I did really late at night, too, so I had to go to work with my hair in a bun the next day, because it was still so oily it literally looked like it was soaking wet!

      • EffEmm
        August 22, 2018

        Now I am having flashbacks to henna hair dye, bought as a powder from The Body Shop in the mid-90s. Mixed it up to a paste, left it on for the recommended five (!) hours… and then had to pretty much chip it off where it has set. And I stank of teabags!

  • Rosy Creasy
    August 22, 2018

    Have you tried ‘clean and clear deep cleansing lotion’ ? It costs about £2 in Boots or Tesco. Could be worth a go if you want to side step
    P.R. beauty-product-hype in women’s magazines.

    • Amber
      August 22, 2018

      That seems to be a skin cleanser, so I’m not sure it would be great on my hair either, tbh 😉

  • Lynn
    August 24, 2018

    I laughed so hard with the last line of this post. The image of a triumphant knotted cushion is priceless. 😀

  • Pat foster
    August 30, 2018

    This Madame me laugh out loud, not something I do often, so thanks, I partly thought it funny because I too thought this product would transform my hair. It did, sort of, but not in thr right direction. Biut mostly it was your brilliant story telling that made me laugh.

  • Laura
    April 12, 2019

    Have you tried normal Elasticizer? The extreme version is really for Afro hair textures so is way heavier and harder to absorb for finer hair textures. I use it on the very ends of my hair where it’s most porous with normal Elasticizer everywhere else and it works like a charm 🙂

  • Lisselle
    May 12, 2019

    I think your problem was you bought the ‘extreme’. I’ve been using Elasticizer (regular) for years and I love it. I leave it on all day whenever I get the chance. My hair is fine, naturally wavy/curly (although it looks thick because I have a lot) and coloured. Maybe if you contact Philip Kingsley they will send you a sample?

  • Phoebe West
    June 16, 2019

    You need the normal elasticiser…this one is for coarse curly hair or afro Caribbean hair… If your hair is limp and straw like elasticiser would work for you, you’ve just gone for the wrong treatment…

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