17 Reasons My Baby Cried
01. My baby was tired.
02. I put him in his cot to sleep. WRONG! Baby did not want to sleep in his cot! Wanted to sleep ON ME.
03. While complying with the above demand, I yawned. THE ABSOLUTE NERVE OF ME!
04. Baby had a dirty nappy. Er, CHANGE PLEASE?
05. I changed it. HOW COULD I?!
06. BABY WAS BRIEFLY NAKED WHILE HIS CLOTHES WERE CHANGED. SOUND THE ‘NAKED BABY’ KLAXON! WAH! WAH! WAH!
07. Knowing how much he hates to be naked, I dressed him. I am a terrible, terrible person.
(At least I dressed him cute, though, right?)
08. I put him in his car seat. He HATES being put into his car seat. BAD MUMMY.
09. Once at our destination, I removed him from his car seat. But! But! He LOVES being in his car seat! Is the only place he wants to be! BAD MUMMY.
10. I put him in the bath. He DID NOT WANT to be in the bath.
11. I took him back out of the bath. But! He ONLY wants to be in the bath! Bath is the only place to be! BACK IN BATH, MINION.
12. I handed him to his dad. THIS IS INTOLERABLE.
13. His dad handed him back to me. MISTAKE. Biiiiiig mistake. GIVE ME DAD AND GIVE ME HIM NOW I ONLY WANT DAD.
14. Baby was hungry.
15. Once this fact was telegraphed, it took at least 30 seconds to be addressed. Baby now hates me.
16. The song I was playing to rock him to sleep ended. SONGS MUST NEVER END. MUST PLAY ETERNALLY.
17. While writing this post, I placed my coffee mug on a coaster next to the baby’s cot and it made a small noise. How should I die?
You can follow Max’s adventures – in his “own” words – over at his very own Instagram account, and, if you’re sick of my overly-staged grid, you’ll find Terry’s slightly less filtered view of our lives right now over here.
(P.S. I hate that I have to say this, but I hope it goes without saying that this post is supposed to be very much tongue-in-cheek: my baby does not cry constantly, and nor do I resent him when he does – it just amuses me how totally irrational our infant overlords can be!)
Laura
Haha, this sounds 100% familiar.
Nicola
This is hilarious and I recognise all of these. We tend to repeat 1 and 2 most of the time!!!
Myra
Oh yes, every me lol
Myra
*every one
Brenda
Ha!! Love the “Infant Overlords” titling. So freaking true, too! They rule our lives!
Elaine
Yes this brings back memories! My babies hated being dressed, undressed, bathed and especially having hats put on! My daughter liked music on all the time too! And she preferred to sleep in the car or being pushed in the pram but not in her cot!
Erin
I am very much enjoying Max’s “own” take on his life. Super cute as is this post <3
Linzi
Totally agree with all of these… we do a last minute dash to get Isla in her seat literally as one of us puts the key in the lock and runs out the door, the. get the car started as fast as humanly possible! It is always the last minute job to minimise the screams!
Kristian
I am dying. Of laughter. Oh, oh, this is soooooo exactly a description of life with a newborn… or, well, most babies under one (Ours recently turned one and basically the reasons change for crying change, and toddlerhood with its tantrums starts to creep in so…. the more things change the more they stay the same).
Good luck navigating the “new normal” and thank you for keeping things real!
PS Our baby was colicky and did cry all the time. You can love them to death and still wish they would stop crying.
PPS Also- Max is SUCH an adorable baby.
Pia
Hahah, I love fun posts like this! And OF COURSE, your baby will be impeccably dressed!
xx Pia
http://gymbagsandjetlags.com
D Johnson
I can relate to this too- with a twist. Your writing makes it hilarious and, of course, Max is impeccably dressed.
Amber DeSadier
Yep. All of the above. Had a problem seeing Max’s instagram. It says its private
Amber
It is private – you have to request to follow it ?