What’s black and white and red all over?

How I wear a black and white dress with red shoes:

 

black and white dress with red shoes

Thanks for all of your comments on my last post, everyone: I’m still feeling pretty craptastic about it all, to be honest, so here are some photos from the weekend, when, in a bid to try to take our minds off things, Terry and I took ourselves out for the traditional Easter treat of sushi. Now, as I knew that we’d be eating with chopsticks, dipping things into soy sauce, etc, I decided the very best choice of outfit for this would be a dress with a large off-white section right down the middle. Because there’s just no way I could mess THAT up, could I?

Well, folks, I didn’t mess it up. It wasn’t for the lack of trying, though. For reasons that are still unclear to me, my chair in the restaurant was much higher than Terry’s, and far too high for the table we were sitting at. This, combined with the fact that I was:

a) completely overdressed, as usual

b) wearing two large, red paper napkins (but hey! At least they matched my outfit!) tied around my neck, in an attempt to protect the cream dress from spillage.

and

c) having to kind of hunker over the table, so I was constantly talking down to Terry, as if he was a child and I a (very large) adult…

…all made me feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland, right after she drinks the bottle that makes her grow.

That aside, we did have a nice meal, and I returned home feeling quite pleased with myself that I’d managed not to spill anything on my dress: turns out there really IS a first time for everything! Except… not really. Because once we got home, we settled down to watch a movie, and I decided that now would be a good time to break out one of those chocolate eggs we’d been given. (Well, another one of those chocolate eggs, I mean. Because I was – and am – still feeling horrible about the car, and chocolate is good for shock, yes?)

Halfway through the movie, I glanced down at my front, and…

Yup, you guessed it – chocolate all over the white section of that dress. Damn.

The good news is that I managed to get the chocolate out without too much trouble, or, indeed, hysteria.

The bad news, of course, is that I’m obviously not quite as ready to be trusted in society as I’d hoped I was. And I will have to continue to get all dressed up, and then completely conceal my outfit by tying large tea-towels, or napkins, or tablecloths, or whatever else I can get my hands on, around my neck. Actually, come to think of it, I should probably just stop buying clothes, and wear sheets instead. Think of all the money I’d save!

(P.S. My dress is from River Island, but is sadly long since sold out, so your best best now would be Vinted!)

Related: How walk in high heels without pain