crime scene

Crime Scene, Do Not Enter

Yesterday I was working away at my desk when I happened to look round to find that OMG, there had been a MURDUR! </ Taggart>


This photo doesn’t really do the scene justice, because there was stuffing EVERYWHERE. Whoever the victim was, it was clear they had been, not just killed, but also skilfully disembowelled. Closer inspection, however, revealed not just one, but TWO possible victims:


On the right of the picture: Bluddy. So called because he is a BLUE version of BUDDY. This unfortunate creature is “Buddy”:


As you can see, Buddy hasn’t been well for quite some time. My mum performed pioneering surgery to sew his face back on after the, er, event that led to its removal, but ol’ Buddy, he just hasn’t been the same since. Sometimes he can’t even remember who he is, the poor guy. We keep him around now for purely sentimental reasons: he was Rubin’s first toy, and actually, we’ve had Buddy longer than we’ve had Rubin, because as soon as Terry and I knew we were definitely getting a dog, we rushed out and bought Buddy for him. When we brought the young Rubinman home, Buddy was bigger than him. Then a year later? Buddy was dead. Shame.

Anyway, back to our crime scene, and as I’m sure your keen minds have deduced, our victim was not, in fact, “Bluddy”, but …


Yes, it’s the DUCK! Who is simply known as, er, “Rubin’s Duck”. Or who WAS known as “Rubin’s Duck”, past tense. I don’t think that duck will ever “quack” again, somehow, which is a shame, because it does actually “quack” when Rubin presses it with his nose. DID actually quack.

Of course, we didn’t have to look far to find the alleged perp: he was standing right there at the scene of the crime, looking strangely pleased with himself:


He’s all “Yeah, I did it. SO? I’d do it again…” And he would. For now, though, his work here was done:


Still looking inappropriately smug, considering he just disembowelled one of his best friends. That’s the closest we can get him to sit to that dustpan and brush, by the way. Not that I want to spoil anyone’s illusions of how Rubin is a WOLF or anything, but he is TERRIFIED of that thing. Any closer and he will totally lose his mind. I think it must come to life at night and attack him or something.

This concludes our investigation into the Sad Case of Rubin’s Duck. Don’t have nightmares, folks…

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  • Lauren


    Wow. What a post to read before bed. I can't believe how smug Rubin looks! Poor ducky.

    August 26, 2009
  • You've just totally brightened my lunch hour. This had me snorting with laughter at my desk – it's Rubin's face that does it! *grin*
    .-= Caroline´s last blog ..Learn your A, B, C, (D)s =-.

    August 26, 2009
  • Rubin clearly has more personality than most human beings. This worries me slightly.
    .-= Gemma´s last blog ..I got Dollyrockered. =-.

    August 26, 2009
  • I have onoly just calmed down enough to type this (I was crying I was laughing so hard!)

    Rubin is actually grinning in the pictures! How funny!
    .-= Aimee´s last blog ..Tuesday 25.08. =-.

    August 26, 2009
  • Rubin never fails to make me laugh! I think it is the incredibly chuffed and cheeky smile he is wearing…
    .-= Lauren Cooke´s last blog ..Modern life – Trials and Tribulations =-.

    August 26, 2009
  • Hahah, Rubin looks so smug! So cute.
    .-= Gemma´s last blog ..Review: Original Source Shower Smoothie =-.

    August 26, 2009
  • Aparna


    Because, yeah, that's what them WOLVES do. That, and look cuddly and smug.

    August 26, 2009
  • He may look cute but I can guarantee you all he is still 100% arse. For instance today he:

    Ate a tube of humous I left downstairs for about 20 seconds!

    Barked so much at a child on his walk that I had to pick him up like a handbag and walk away.

    Chewed noisily on a big plastic bottle for about 10 minutes

    and he's just warming up! 🙂


    August 26, 2009
  • HAHAHAHA!! LOOK! Look at him smiling by the dustpan. Rubin is BRILLIANT.

    August 26, 2009
  • Does he do the whole slinking-very-close-to-the-floor thing when he's been naughty? The dog I had as a kid did that, you'd know he'd done something wrong just by his body (doggy?) language.

    That said, Rubin looks pretty proud of himself, so I'm guessing… not 😉
    .-= Toni´s last blog ..Video: Jim Lovell Interview With Stephen Colbert =-.

    August 26, 2009
  • He totally looks pleased with himself! So cute!

    My friend’s dog is afraid of suitcases. Really, she’s afraid of any inanimate object that happens to move.
    .-= Kristabella´s last blog ..Sweet Dreams =-.

    August 26, 2009
  • Simone


    oh lord! for a second, I thought Rubin had murdered TED… while I'm sure that Bluddy and Rubin's Duck's deaths have had a huge effect on you, I'd be more worried about Ted at this moment in time…

    August 26, 2009
  • I really have to remember NOT to read your blog while sitting in a quiet room filled with my students (while they do book work), because it is TOO HARD NOT TO LAUGH!


    Mind you, poor Bluddy and Duck 🙁 I don’t like it when stuffed animals die 🙁

    Rubin, you’re a cheeky smug little puppy, you are!
    .-= Erin´s last blog ..Pretty Vintage loves Cath Kidston (a little too much) =-.

    August 27, 2009
  • Mousy


    I love Rubin's cheeky face!

    Here's something interesting you might not know – I heard this on a dog training programme not too long ago. Dogs think that if a toy makes a noise such as a squeak (or in this poor victim's case, a quack) that the toy is alive. Being predators, they eventually feel overcome with the obligation to kill this small animal and stop it from squeaking (or quacking). So, according to this theory, Rubin is trying to get back to his wolfish roots! 🙂

    Also, very strange that he should be scared of dustpans/brushes – because my dog used to be terrified of exactly the same thing! We didn't even have a bright pink one with a long handle; it was your plain, bog-standard, get-down-on-your-hands-and-knees-to-sweep-biscuit-crumbs-off-the-floor affair, and for a long time, whenever she saw it, she suddenly became devoid of any sanity at all. She's got over it now, after a long exposure period. 😛

    Anyway! Is Rubin going to get a new duck? 😀

    August 27, 2009
  • Sophie


    Rubin has the evilest grin! He has just been waiting for that moment when his mortal enemies Buddy and Co. would be swept away, disembowelled!!

    August 27, 2009
  • Kate


    I have the exact same duck. I'm quite traumatised seeing what he looks like dead!

    August 28, 2009
  • I'll never understand how you get Rubin to pose just so for photos. While he seems untrainable in all other respects (he's still peeing on things inside??) he is obviously a natural in front of the camera.

    September 6, 2009