gingerbread man in coffee

Defence Against the Dark Arts

[TRIGGER WARNIG / CAVEAT: I wrote this post as a diary entry back in December 2016, when I had just been diagnosed with, and was receiving treatment for, an ectopic pregnancy. If you’re reading this now, you should know that I suffer from extreme health anxiety, and have a crippling phobia of surgery, both of which made my reactions to this situation much more extreme than might otherwise be the case. So please read with kindness, and be aware that this post may be triggering for people who are pregnant, have experienced pregnancy loss, or who suffer from anxiety related to health and medical procedures. Thanks for understanding. If you’d like to read all my posts on ectopic pregnancy, you’ll find them here.]

Guys, the HCG went down by 62%!

Sixty. Two. Percent.

Given that the hospital are mostly looking for a 15% drop at this stage, and would consider that to be a decent result, I think I just might be the happiest woman in the UK right now. I’m definitely one of the most relieved, because… well, you’ve read my last few posts on this (er, unless you’re the person who keeps commenting asking me to measure my Ikea dressing table, obviously, in which case you probably didn’t…): you know how off-the-scale-anxious I’ve been about this, don’t you?

Anyway. I’m not going to say I’m out of the woods quite yet, because I said that before, and we all know how THAT ended up, don’t we? I will, however, say, that I’m currently feeling better than I have in weeks, and that things are looking very, very positive – much more so than I had even dared hope.

gingerbread man in coffee
I still probably have a long road ahead of me before I can consider this whole thing truly over: I have another blood draw scheduled for Saturday morning, and it’s still possible that the levels could rise or plateau again, so it could still be a few weeks before I’m officially discharged. The current levels of HGC in my system, however, are now lower they were when I was first tested, four weeks ago, and are low enough that it would basically be something of a medical miracle if they were to somehow manage to rise to a level that would cause any concern.

Although my health anxiety likes to try to convince me otherwise, I know I am NOT in fact a medical miracle, so while I’m not counting my chickens (I mean, where would I even GET chickens to count at this time on a Tuesday?), it’s looking good. I’m feeling good. And I know there will likely be some tough times ahead when I start to really process what’s happened, and address the anxiety issue, but for now I’m just trying to enjoy the return to sanity I’ve been experiencing since we got the results back this morning, and to focus on the positives, of which there are many.

On that subject, today was actually easier than expected. Not only did the blood draw go without a hitch (“Yes,” said Terry, as the nurse took out her kit, “The butterfly needles are my preference, too: I always find them more reliable…” “Er, my husband did two years of dialysis,” I felt I had to point out, “That’s how he knows this stuff. He’s not a nurse. Or, you know, a junkie…”), they got the results back to us within a couple of hours, during which I managed to remain almost as calm as, well, a normal person would be. I even managed to drink a cup of coffee, although I will admit to being a little bit perturbed when Terry ate the gingerbread man shown in the photo. I mean, he had a FACE, people! A face!

Anyway. I just wanted to update those of you who’ve been kind enough to show an interest in this whole saga (Again, if you’re just here for the dimensions of the Ikea dressing table, THEY HAVE THAT INFORMATION ON THEIR OWN WEBSITE. Seriously, CONTACT IKEA: I’m sure they’ll be more accurate than I would be, anyway!). I can’t promise an instant return to normal content (and if you’ve emailed me, please don’t be offended if it takes me a while to get back to you: I have read and appreciated every single message so, SO much, but my inbox is currently looking almost as intimidating as the hospital itself right now…), but then again, I’ve just this second remembered that unopened ASOS parcel waiting downstairs for me, so you never really know, do you?

Thanks again to everyone who’s commented/emailed/messaged/just spared me a kind thought over the last few days: if this whole, horrendous experience has taught me anything, it’s that there are some amazing people out there, and if that’s not a good note to end on, I don’t know what is.

Read all my posts on ectopic pregnancy

P.S. I write a weekly diary which goes out every Friday to my subscribers. Sign up below to get on the list...

I also write books
COMMENTS
  • Wendy

    REPLY

    A cautious “Whoo Hoo” shout out from me. I’m very very glad that things seem to be resolved. Xx

    December 13, 2016
  • Myra

    REPLY

    Delighted to hear this news, and continue to hope all goes well now xx

    December 13, 2016
  • Žanete

    REPLY

    I’m so happy for you, Amber. 🙂

    December 13, 2016
  • Natalie

    REPLY

    YAY!!!!!!

    December 13, 2016
  • Husband

    REPLY

    I know my needles 🙂
    Husband

    December 13, 2016
  • With numbers down as they are, things do appear to be looking up. Take good care Amber.

    December 13, 2016
  • SO happy the results were such good news! xxx

    December 13, 2016
  • So glad that things are looking brighter x

    December 13, 2016
  • Maria

    REPLY

    Great to hear some positive news, take care of yourself.

    December 13, 2016
  • lila athanaselis

    REPLY

    Yaaaaasss!!! xxx

    December 13, 2016
  • Yay, this is brilliant news! Hope things continue to improve x

    December 13, 2016
  • Barbara West

    REPLY

    Very, very happy to know you’re feeling better and that the lab results are so encouraging!

    December 13, 2016
  • Theresa

    REPLY

    So relieved Amber to hear that things are going the right way at last! My son and his wife have been going through a similar situation on two occasions over the last year too, so I really feel for you and Terry.
    Let’s look forward to a much happier and less stressful year ahead and I hope this is just the start of a more positive road for you both xx

    December 13, 2016
  • Such encouraging news, I’m thrilled for you xxx

    December 13, 2016
  • Yay I want to give you a big hug. You’re still in my thoughts. xx

    December 13, 2016
  • Elaine

    REPLY

    Fantastic! So pleased for you. Well done today Amber!

    December 13, 2016
  • lalie

    REPLY

    thank you for taking the time to updating us! Happy times ahead!

    December 13, 2016
  • So happy for you

    December 13, 2016
  • Great news, Amber! Fantastic results! Wishing you well, and sending lots of love xxx

    December 13, 2016
  • Jean

    REPLY

    What are the dimensions… JUST KIDDING…. I’ve been thinking of you so much. Feel kind of stalkerish leaving three comments in the past few weeks when I normally never comment on anything (your blog included) but I just want you to know we’re out here thinking of you, checking up on you, and gunning for you. Like I said in other comments, sigh, I don’t have health anxiety, but sky-high generalized anxiety and I found this book DARE that actually helped a little today. So we’ll see. Good luck to you Amber and I know you’ll get the joyful holidays you deserve and can strategize next steps, if you feel like that, in the new year.

    December 13, 2016
  • I’m very glad to hear these positive news and wish that it may continue to be good news….hugs xx

    December 13, 2016
  • Maria

    REPLY

    Keep going the right way, gorgeous girl! We are all routing for you xx

    December 13, 2016
  • I didn’t responded before but I read your posts and I’m very happy for you! 🙂
    Wish you good health!

    December 13, 2016
  • Mel Mc

    REPLY

    xxx

    December 13, 2016
  • Wonderful news! Fingers tightly crossed that the physical side will all be over soon.

    December 13, 2016
  • Carmen Romero

    REPLY

    Glad to Hear good news. I wish you a more peaceful 2017. Sending kisses from the sunny southern Spain.

    December 13, 2016
  • Liana

    REPLY

    So glad to hear the good news!!! ?

    December 13, 2016
  • Emily

    REPLY

    Yay yay yay yay! So happy for you. Keeping everything crossed it all keeps going the right way, as I am sure it will x

    December 13, 2016
  • Stephanie

    REPLY

    So glad to read this latest update! As a long time reader but rarely a commenter, I have read each post, hoping for the very best for you.

    December 13, 2016
  • So glad to hear the results are looking good and that you’re feeling more positive. I’ve been reading all your posts lately and hoping for the best so it’s great to hear that things are looking up!

    December 13, 2016
  • Louise

    REPLY

    Glad to hear things seem to be looking up, enjoy just right now xx

    December 13, 2016
  • The Other Emma

    REPLY

    Excellent, fingers crossed you continue to get good news xx

    December 13, 2016
  • I am *so* pleased things are looking up for you and you’re feeling somewhat better. Like I said previously if you ever want to talk about techniques for handling anxiety I’m more than happy to help, if I can. Lots of love xxx

    December 13, 2016
  • I’m so pleased the results have improved! Keeping you in my thoughts until you have the all clear!

    December 13, 2016
  • Moira

    REPLY

    So pleased things are heading in the right direction xx

    December 13, 2016
  • Kelly Glen

    REPLY

    This is such a positive result and I along with everyone else hope it continues to go well for you and Terry.
    Take care and all the best.

    December 13, 2016
  • Anna

    REPLY

    I’m very happy to hear such encouraging news! xx

    December 13, 2016
  • Anna

    REPLY

    I’m very happy to hear that things are looking up, and I wish you a speedy and complete (or as complete as possible) recovery.

    December 14, 2016
  • I know that this isn’t the end of the road (especially for someone with HA – I’m still not 100% sure about that mole a doctor told me was fine seven years ago; god isn’t HA just HILARIOUS) but this is real, hard numbers and I am so, so hoping things continue in the right direction. The terrible days are bad enough; enjoy the good ones. Thinking of you x

    December 14, 2016
  • I’m so glad to hear you finally got a bit of better news. I hope all continues to go as well as can be expected. My thoughts are with both of you.

    December 14, 2016
  • I’m so glad to hear this! I’ve been following your posts and crossing all my fingers that you’d be getting some good news soon, so yay! Hope it all continues to go well and you’re feeling as well as you can be as soon as possible 🙂
    xx

    December 14, 2016
  • Yay, some good news at last! Seriously glad to hear it 🙂

    December 14, 2016
  • Helen

    REPLY

    Amazing news… hope next lot of blood test continue to show a decrease, and that you are discharged soon Amber! Sending my usual love and good vibes! xxx

    December 14, 2016
  • Erin

    REPLY

    Still sending you all my good vibes <3 Glad to hear the positive news!

    December 14, 2016
  • Aw so glad to hear that good news. Happy to hear all going better x

    December 14, 2016
  • A

    REPLY

    I am very glad to read that things are improving and that you are feeling better!

    December 14, 2016
  • Liz in Paris

    REPLY

    Brilliant news Amber! You may even find you come through this stronger. Just imagine, a routine doc’s visit is a piece of p*ss compared to what you’ve been through. Thinking of you. Stay strong. And a big hug to Terry and your parents too.

    December 15, 2016
  • Amy K

    REPLY

    I’d taken a break from reading most blogs over the last six months, but I wandered back to yours last week and got caught up on recent events. Amber, I’m so sorry you and Terry have gone through this. Thank goodness the medical part of your saga appears to be winding down. Here’s to a much improved 2017. After the surprise election of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named over here in the US, one popular ornament this holiday season has been a burning dumpster (skip) with the year 2016 written on it. I haven’t bought it because the last thing I want to do is revisit this year’s awfulness each time I put up my Christmas tree, but I’m sure you can appreciate the sentiment.

    December 15, 2016
  • 3 days late but yay, really pleased for you. Have a good weekend & good luck with the bloods tomorrow x

    December 16, 2016
  • Princess Peach

    REPLY

    Tip from a fellow needle phobe with difficult veins: put your hands under hot water to bring them to the surface. I learns this after a week in the hospital and SEVERAL failed hand attempts to draw blood. Also, relax. Easier said than done, I know, but freaking out will it more painful. Perhaps try a guided meditation with breathing exercises? Any port in a storm eh?

    December 18, 2016
  • Glad you are seeing a positive outcome, and sorry you get such insensitive comments on posts like these.

    December 18, 2016
POST A COMMENT