Well, folks, I got nothin’ here. Seriously, I’m having to rack up so many blog posts in advance, so that I can go on holiday and still get paid, that there is absolutely nothing else going on my life right now. And so it is that I have once again opened up The News Book and am allowing my six-year-old self to write today’s post.  If only I had known at the time that I would one day end up doing this, I could have quit right there and saved my parents that expensive university education they gave me. But anyway!

This post is one I call simply “pants”:

my first blog

The text reads:

“Tuesday 22nd February

I went to the Doctors for a check up he was a nice Doctor he sed that I was growing up when I came out of the Doctors my mum got me some new pantes I was needing them I am good at panting picturs of my mummy and daddy I can paint a dog”

Still having that old “punctuation is for sissies” issue, then, eh?

What’s interesting about this, though, isn’t the fact that I spoke fluent LOLCat as a child, or, indeed, that I suddenly remembered that “paint” has an “i” in it, right in the final moments of the “story”, having referred to my new paints as “pants” throughout. No, what’s interesting about this one is the fact that I chose to illustrate the exciting tale of my new “pants” with a “pictur” of my bedroom, which apparently contained a large, caged beast:

Amber and the Beast
Amber and the Beast

Now, if you’ve read Part Two of this series, in which Rusty gets a frite and Snoopy does the toylet in the cichon, you’re probably thinking this beast is either Snoopy or Rusty, those bad, toylet-doing dogs, right?

But no. I gave no explanation of the presence of The Beast in this image, but if memory serves, this would be Coco. My hamster. He was a big ‘un, wasn’t he? Roughly the size of a small bear, I’d say.

I have absolutely no explanation for the … thing… I’m holding in my hand, mind you. Absolutely none. The juxtaposition of beast-in-giant-cage and me with… thing… is actually quite disturbing, though. I really hope PETA don’t read this…

P.S. Note, too, that I drew my own “star” on the pictur. Just, you know, in case the teacher forgot

  1. This post gave me flashbacks to a time at age six, we were taking turns reading out loud in class. I read that a boy "threw away his pants" when it really said he "threw away his paints." All the other kids thought it was absolutely hilarious and made fun of me for weeks. (I really didn't think it was that funny of a mistake!) You can tell I'm still a little traumatized by it.

  2. Well I think the thing in your hand is your first ever feather duster. After all, you are the Queen of Clean. And, maybe, now I've seen the size of the hamster you had as a small child, I think I might understand your cleanliness obsession 😀

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