Inside the mind of a dog

Sometimes I look at Rubin and I think, “GOD, what is that on his face? Has he been eating cat droppings again?” “You know, I really wish I was him.” I mean, not in respect of the Eating of Unmentionables, obviously. And, all things considered, I’d probably prefer not to have to pee in the garden. (Which, funnily enough, isn’t Rubin’s preference either.) But every day in Rubin’s life is just a voyage of discovery. Everything Terry or I do is utterly, utterly fascinating to him. It’s just one new and thrilling thing after another – even when it’s just exactly the same as yesterday in every single respect.

To illustrate this, here is a quick glimpse inside Rubin’s head, starting from the point where he wakes up in the morning:

rubinman1RUBIN’S BRAIN:
“Awake. OMG! OMG! This is the best day EVER. Whee! Wait, is that…?

AMBER & TERRY OMG! I totally haven’t seen them for SO! LONG! Excitingexcitingexciting! AMBER & TERRY WHO WOULDA THOUGHT IT?!!! WOW!

Outside. Pee. Peepeeepee. Hee! Best. Day. Ever. OMG! Soooo much fun, peeing in the garden, I think I… OMG! POST WOMAN! POOOOOOSSSSTTTT WOOOOOOMMMMMAAAAANNNNN!!! Alert! Alert! Warning! OMFG! Attack! Attack! SO. HYSTERICAL. AAAAARGH! AAAARGH! AAARGH!

Inside. Just can’t get over it. Can’t believe it happened. She was, like, in my driveway and everything. I will never forget it as long as I live. EVER. Maybe sleep now, though.


Awake! OMG Amber is sitting on the bed putting her makeup on!!! Aaaaargh! I want to sit on the bed too! Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the….

On bed. OMG! Best day ever. Best moment of life. WOWOWOW! Cannot belieeeve it! Amber putting makeup on. SO. INTERESTING. Cannot stop looking. Am not going to take my eyes off this. Stare. Starestarestare. STARE. Maybe sleep now.


AWAKE! OMG Terry is … he is GOING DOWNSTAIRS! Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? OMG!OMG!

Downstairs. Terry opening fridge, aiiiieee! WOWWOWWOW. Best day of life! Give me something. Give me something. Give me something. Give me something. Give me something.

HE GAVE ME SOMETHING OMG! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Back upstairs. Watching Terry intently. SO. INTERESTING. Will not take eyes off him. Stare. Starestarestare. OMG AMBER! Is going into bathroom! WOW. Am going to get in before her! Ruuuuuuuuunnnnn!

Fail. Will never get over it. Outside bathroom door. Waiting. Will wait here for as long as necessary. Staring at Terry while waiting. Fascinated by him. Will watch him forever… OMG AMBER! IS BACK! WOWOWWOW! It’s been SO! LONG! Whee!

Sleep now.”

Rinse, repeat.

And that was all before 10am. Wouldn’t it be great if we ALL got so much excitement out of the simple things in life?



P.S. I write a weekly diary which goes out every Friday to my subscribers. Sign up below to get on the list...

I also write books
  • I’ve just giggled and snuffled all the way through that, thanks.

    Camilla´s last blog post..Money, it’s so funny

    May 18, 2009
  • I would absolutely love to be a dog like Rubin. He seems like my mom’s dog, who is the same size as Rubin and is able to punctuate her unending joy at every day life with straight up and down jumping to the height of your waist.

    Amanda Nicole´s last blog writer’s journey

    May 18, 2009
  • Sandra


    OMG, I just laughed and laughed through this! He looks just like that – all that OMGs and weeees and all! 🙂

    May 18, 2009
  • Sandy


    OMG! Woweeee! LOL! I SO want to be Rubin now. (but without the outdoorsy stuff, I'd have to have a doggy loo indoors.)

    Love it.

    May 18, 2009
  • I’m going to try and by that excited about things tomorrow! BLOG POST BLOG POST! OMG TEA! OMG EMAIL! OMG! SPAM! SPAM! TEA! TEA! BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG NEIGHBOURS. OMG ZEKE IS ALIVE! Lunch. Nap. Pretty fun.

    Siany´s last blog post..Sluttishly Easy: chocolate ganache truffles

    May 18, 2009
  • Kathleen


    All that neverending excitement! It would wear me out. Or perhaps annoy me. But reading about it makes me smile.

    May 18, 2009
  • Cheska


    I snorted 🙂

    May 19, 2009
  • If only life was that exciting for me.

    May 19, 2009
  • 1. Rubin needs to learn to brush his teeth.
    2. Rubin needs to learn to take a shower.
    3. I wish I was Rubin.

    He is one cool wolf!!!

    May 19, 2009
  • See, now am jealous. Wish I was an enthusiastic lil' wolf, able to see bright and shiny newness in my owner's every action…

    Made me think of Harry when my brother and I went home last week, bouncing between us going "OMG IT'S BEN… BUT OMG ITS CIE!!!!!… BUT OMG, BEN's OVER THERE… MUST GO….. OMG CIE IS RIGHT OVER THERE! LOOOOOK! I HAVEN'T SEEN THESE TWO SINCE, LIKE, LAST WEEKEND!!!!!!!!". Etc.

    Thought of you this morning. Chav Mum was walking small child (no more than 6?) to school and said child was playing R&B on a mobile phone through tinny speakers. I summoned your wrath to back up my own courage and shot her a disappointed look. 😀

    May 19, 2009
  • Loved it! Hilarious! Best read I've had in a long while.

    <abbr>mysterycreature´s last blog post..Blog Award – Lovely Bloggers</abbr>

    May 19, 2009
  • Hehe I smiled the whole way through. I want to be a doggy.

    <abbr>Anna´s last blog post..Anna's guide to how not to be annoying on the road</abbr>

    May 20, 2009
  • Haahaa, just laughed my a** off 😀 Hilarious picture btw!

    Nina´s last blog post..Patience

    May 21, 2009
  • Hahahaha! If I did this for my cats it would be “Sleep. Sleep. Pee in laundry basket. Sleep. WOMAN WHY ARE YOU WAKING ME UP FROM MY NAP TO PET ME. Sleep. Meow. Sleep. Pee in litterbox, because I know how to do it, but I just choose to pee on her clothes because it pisses her off so, so much. Sleep.”

    That last photo is pure joy!

    Kristabella´s last blog post..Mary Jane, I Am Not In Love With You

    May 22, 2009
  • Aww..This is my favorite foreveramber post!

    August 12, 2009