all-white bedroom with white LED tree light and WISH sign

Pants. You gotta love ’em

In the early hours of Saturday morning, I woke Terry with a prod to the back.

“I’ve done pants for you,” I informed him importantly as he turned round, blearily.

“Pants? Eh?” Terry rubbed his eyes, and stared at me, confused.

“Yes, pants. I’ve done them for you,” I said again, clearly expecting praise of some kind.

“What do you mean you’ve ‘done pants’, though,” asked Terry, carefully. “I mean, how do you ‘do’ pants? Have you made them? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“I’ve done them!” I repeated, irritated. “Remember how we were just talking about them?”

“Er, no.”

“GOD!” I said, now very annoyed. “Well, it’s far too complicated to explain now. Just… I’ve done pants.”

Then I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Mental, no? And actually, this kind of thing has been happening more and more often. Why, just last week I woke Terry to thank him for the large balloon that was floating around the room, and which he had obviously bought for me. (Note: he hadn’t. And there was no balloon.) The week before that? I woke him by screaming that OMG! There were crabs in the bed! AGAIN!

Yeah, our bedroom is way too warm at night. Either that or I? Done lost my mind, people…

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books by Amber Eve
  • Zed


    It's not just me having delusions, then. On Friday, I woke up utterly convinced I'd been on "The Crystal Maze" when I was about twelve – I had all sorts of memories – and spent about an hour trying to find websites that would confirm or deny this. Later that day, it became obvious that I hadn't. Normally, though, of late I just come to believing I've checked a) Facebook and b) my alarm clock and seen things that are not even remotely real.

    Hope they cease soon though, that's a bit disturbing – albeit amusing for us readers!

    May 30, 2007
  • Coke.Everywhere.

    I LOVE it, that's hysterical, and sure beats my recent dreams in the comedy stakes-which have been disturbingly macabre, like the night I dreamt my OH was trying to murder me with a Dr Who-esque ray gun. Depply frightening.

    I am particularly liking, however, your pants episode. Brilliant!! Poor Terry.


    May 31, 2007
  • Hahaha, that's hilarious. My wife also talks in her sleep and often wakes me up to ask the most ridiculous questions/comments like "Don't let the aliens in tonight!" or "let the monkeys out of the house."

    June 9, 2007