Terry and I are both sleep talkers. As you can imagine, this has led to some fun times in our house of an evening, and it’s weird because we can go for months without saying a word, and then all of a sudden we’re both Chatty McChatterson, talking non-stop, and none of it making sense.
My favourite sleep talking episode? That would be the time a couple of years ago when Terry was woken one night by the sound of my hysterical laughter. When he asked me just what the hell was so funny at 4am, all he could get out of me was the immortal line:
“There’s a puppet on my hand! And the bird is trying to get it!”
Now, Pepe le Parrot was staying with us at the time of this utterance, which may well explain the reference to “the bird”, but as for the puppet on my hand? No idea. Don’t even want to know, to be honest. Terry did manage to get me back a few nights later, though, when I woke up to find him patting my nose. “Good dog,” he said when I opened my eyes, “You’re a good dog…”
As insulting as that was, it was actually LESS insulting than the time I woke up to find him staring at me in abject horror. When I spoke to ask him what his problem was, he gave a high-pitched shriek, and later explained, “I thought you were a log. I couldn’t believe it when you moved…” In Terry’s defence, his talking mostly happened when he was on dialysis, and we reckon all the various medications and chemicals in his blood combined to create the perfect conditions for a good old Sleep Talkin’. Dunno what my excuse is, though.
Anyway, it so happens that we’re currently going through a McChatty period in our lives, which was marked last week by two episodes in the one night. Mine was just your regular, run-of-the-mill “Oh my God, there’s a spider on the ceiling and it’s totally going to crawl into my mouth any second!” sleep talk. (Note: there wasn’t.) Terry, however, managed to score a personal best by shaking me awake to say – with a great deal of excitement and a small amount of self-importance, I might add – “There’s a melting coming! And when the melting comes? We will follow it!”
I’m hoping that was just nonsense and not, you know, a premonition. But just in case you believe in these kind of things, let me be the first to warn you about THE MELTING. It is coming, people. You’re welcome.