The Awkward Files # 3 | When Things Go Wrong

All this and moreFirst things first: the canvas print at the top of the page was a gift from Photowall , who we’ve worked with before, and highly recommend for all things wall art / canvas print related : I’ve actually had my eye on some of their giant wall murals ever since our stay at Novotel Edinburgh last month , but, when I suggested this to Terry, he gave me the kind of look he normally reserves for Max when he’s just deliberately thrown his cup of milk on the floor, and then reminded me that we barely have time to breathe right now, let alone install murals. But I’m working on it, people. I’m working on it…

In retaliation, however, Terry is now having to live with a large pink canvas print with a slogan on it. In my defence, I actually intended to put this in my dressing room – and probably still will – but there’s even less light in there than there is in the living room at this time of year, so I popped it up here to photograph it, and …. well, it’s still there. For now. 

But on with the awkwardness! This is part 3 of my occasional series rounding up some of my most recent awkward moments and/or random acts of stupidity (You can read the first two instalments here and here …): so here we go…
all this and more

When swimming lessons go wrong

At the end of Max’s weekly swimming lesson,  we always sing a little song, during which the instructor, Charlene, ducks down under the water, and sits on the bottom of the pool for a few seconds, before popping back up again: an event which which Max finds absolutely hilarious. 

Last week, we had a new class member, along with his mum, so, naturally, that was the week Max decided to pull this little stunt on me:

CHARLENE: *ducks under the water*

ME [Excitedly]: Look, Max, she’s gone under the water! Do you think she’s going to pop back up again?!

MAX [Matter-of-fact]: No, she’s going to die.

NEW MUM

via GIPHY

NEW CHILD:

via GIPHY

MAX [Cheerful]: Yes, she’s dead!

Spoiler alert: Charlene was, thankfully, very much NOT dead. I kind of wished I was, though, because, SERIOUSLY, Max? SERIOUSLY?

When brand collaborations go wrong

Last week, a brand rep I’ve been working with on a blog collaboration asked me to send a signed contract back to him. I cheerfully agreed, then sent him an H&M returns label instead. So, he didn’t have my contract, but, on the plus side, it would’ve been super-easy for him to return something to H&M? 

When my skincare routine goes wrong 

Last night, I went to bed a bit later than usual, and sat down at my dressing table to begin my lengthy evening skincare routine . I’d obviously removed my glasses by this point, so it was only as I diligently massaged in the last of the FOUR SEPARATE CREAMS I use on my face every night that it suddenly occurred to me that my reflection in the mirror looked a little different to how it usually looks at that time of night. Even stranger, I actually looked better, somehow? Like, my eyes were way more defined than they usually look without mascara, and you’d almost think that… OH.

Yes, folks, I had sat down and carefully applied all of my skincare OVER THE TOP OF MY MAKEUP. And I don’t just mean a little bit of makeup, either: we’re talking full foundation, blush, mascara, eyeliner, the works – all now smudged together and blended in with all of the oils and other lotions I like to apply to my face every night. I mean, YUCK, right? 

It’s obviously much too late to blame this one on baby brain , but, at the same time, I really don’t want to have to admit to myself that I really AM that stupid, so, baby brain it is, then!

All this and more

When grocery shopping goes wrong

OK, so it didn’t go wrong exactly: it did, however, turn a little bit awkward when I found myself pushing Max round one of the smaller branches of M&S food, with him shouting, “AAAAAAAHHHHHHH ZABENYA!” (From the Lion King?) at the top of his lungs, the ENTIRE time we were there, including the whole time we were going through the checkout, and all the way back to the car. On the plus side, it did help make our otherwise mundane shopping trip feel a bit more EPIC, I guess? 

When nursery pick-up goes wrong

To help ease Max into nursery, Terry and I decided it would be a good idea to explain to him WHY he goes there: so we carefully explained that mummy and daddy have to work in order to get money to buy things for him – and we even illustrated this by promising to buy him a specific toy after his first day back after the Hand, Foot and Mouth episode .

We thought we’d been pretty clever here, by successfully explaining the abstract concept of “work” to him, and also demonstrating a concrete benefit to him personally. 

We felt slightly less clever, though, when we went to pick him up that first day  – and every day after that – only to be greeted by him running towards us shouting, “WHERE’S THE MONEY, MUMMY? WHERE’S ALL THE MONEY?” Like this, basically:

via GIPHY

Since then, he’s done exactly the same thing every single time we pick him up from nursery, so we’re at the point now where the staff there are basically like, “Yeah, where IS the money? We’ve heard so much about it…”  And we have only ourselves to blame, too. 

Speaking of nursery, meanwhile, you know what else is awkward about those pick-ups? When you walk in to collect your own child, and almost end up leaving with everyone else’s. Seriously, the second I walk in there, they all start coming at me: before I know it, I have one child on my hip and two on each leg, and they’re all calling me “mummy”, and asking when we can go home, while Max looks on in open disgust. And, actually, I WAS thinking the kids just liked me, for some reason, but it’s just this second occurred to me that they’re probably only flocking to me because they’ve heard about THE MONEY.  Thanks, Max!

When shoes go wrong

I put on a pair of shoes purely for the purposes of taking the photo in this post (Because, as you all know, I would NEVER wear shoes in the house normally …) then went into Max’s room to get him up from his nap. As soon as I put the light on, he looked at me with undisguised horror and said, “Don’t use those shoes, mummy! Those shoes are ‘meh’!”

(For a few weeks now, he’s been using the phrase, “A bit ‘meh,” to describe anything he doesn’t like. I swear I have NO IDEA where he got that from, honest…)

So, that was… blunt. I wore them anyway, obviously, because, well, this is a child who insisted on wearing a pair of Santa socks to bed last night, so it’s not like he’s the world’s foremost authority on fashion or anything, but, yes, if he’s planning to make a habit of offering up commentary on my outfit choices, this could get very awkward indeed…

Anyone care to make me feel a bit better by sharing some of your own awkward moments from the past few weeks?

 

COMMENTS
  • Well this week I told a customer if he was having trouble just give me a shout and I’d come over and help him get it up…

    What I meant was I would help him get a document up on screen.

    Brodie is 2.5 and has miraculously slept through almost every night lately so I really can’t blame him.

    February 7, 2020
  • Ginger

    REPLY

    Sorry, I’m still over here howling about the “Yep, she’s dead!” and epic shopping trips and MONEY and so forth… My things that go wrong are never this fun.

    February 7, 2020
  • Absolutely loved all of these, but Max shouting AAAAAAAHHHHHHH ZABENYA! all round M&S is an absolute classic, made me laugh out loud…!!!!! Please keep these posts coming 😀

    Catherine x

    February 7, 2020
    • Mirta

      REPLY

      Max is hilarious!! 😁 Keep writing it all down, you’ll have some lovely memories when he’s older. 😊

      February 10, 2020
  • Mary Katherine

    REPLY

    The Amber That Makes Me Laugh Out Loud At My Desk is BAAAACCCKKK – woop woop! The MONEY is just TOO funny. Excuse me, I have to go clean up coffee that snorted out my nose….

    February 7, 2020
  • Myra

    REPLY

    Very funny post, made me laugh out loud. This one is not so much awkward as downright embarrassing. A few years ago when Max was about 8 and we were on holiday in Devon I was in one of those little paddle boats on a lake (more like a big pond) and when we came back in I unfortunately passed wind getting out onto the jetty. Max called out to his mummy who was still on the water “Granny farted!” the dozen or so people waiting their turn thought this, was hilarious, and I still had to walk through the crowd.

    February 7, 2020
  • Laura Webb

    REPLY

    I had an interview today and still managed to get the job by saying I can talk to anyone from a CEO to a milkmaid..I mean why did milkmaid pop into my brain…. Thankfully they laughed.

    February 7, 2020
  • Melissa

    REPLY

    Aww hilarious! Children come out with some very funny things.

    We have a photowall mural in our kitchen, the sunbeams one. I have to say it was very easy to put up. Far easier than normal wallpaper. Maybe that’ll help persuade Terry…

    February 8, 2020
  • sophikita

    REPLY

    LOVE IT! This made me laugh so much. My child also does the “BYE BYE” to visitors when he’s had enough, he did it to Grammy and grandpa on skype the other day too…

    February 16, 2020
  • haha, I love this series! I am still suffering from baby brain two years on. I think being a parent you are just constantly “on” and it’s impossible to keep on top of everything!

    February 26, 2020
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