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So, on Sunday evening, we broke the house.

This is, of course, the latest chapter in the never-ending-story that is our attempt to redecorate the bathroom. Sunday night’s installment started like this:

Terry: You know, I don’t think I’m going to get a plumber in to move that radiator. I think I’m just going to do it myself.

Amber (wearing her rarely spotted “Voice of Reason” cap): I don’t think that’s such a great idea. Isn’t moving radiators really complicated?

Terry: Nah, I’ve watched a few videos on how to do it on You Tube. It’ll be fine.

And so it was that, a few short hours later, as I lay on the bed reading (and polishing off the rest of the Christmas chocolate,) I heard a shout go up from the bathroom:

“CALL YOUR DAD! CALL YOUR DAD!”

Now, most people, upon hearing such a cry, would instantly spring into action. Not me. I took a moment to reflect on what was happening. Terry clearly hadn’t injured himself, because my dad’s not a doctor. He is, however, a professional “dad” (who has moved a few radiators in his time), and his advice was required to help Terry tackle the small but mighty FLOOD that was now happening in our bathroom. Or what used to be our bathroom Before The Flood Came.

I called my dad and asked his advice. “Build an ark and send the animals in two by two,” he said. Nah, I’m just kidding. What he actually said was:

“Stick your finger in the hole and keep it there until I get there.”

Which was less exciting, but more practical, you know? At this point, before Terry reads this, I should probably explain that the hole in the pipe was NOT TERRY’S FAULT. No, the pipe had a BROKEN BIT inside, and even if we had asked a plumber to do the job, the outcome would have been the same. Only probably without the phone call to my dad, I would imagine.

So, Terry stuck his finger in the hole, while I gathered every last towel in the house, and threw them into the bathroom, in a feeble attempt to soak up some of the water. Once there, they joined both our bathrobes, plus the towel we use to dry Rubin’s feet when he goes out for a pee. I don’t know how that got in there.

The water, by this point, had managed to escape the bathroom, and was making its way along the hall, headed for the bedroom. I started to try and add more towels to the mix, in an attempt to halt its progress, but as I did so, I became aware of a strange noise coming from downstairs, and realised that someone had left the shower on in the living room. This struck me as strange because, like most people, WE DON’T HAVE A SHOWER IN THE LIVING ROOM. Or we didn’t, until approximately 9pm on Sunday evening, at which point, the escaping water thought, “Ah, screw it, I’ll just get out through the light fixture,” and started pouring out of the ceiling light.

Well, I ran downstairs and started placing basins on the floor, and also a mixing bowl (Which, actually, I was wondering when we’d get some use out of that. Every cloud.). The water was coming thick and fast, and I had already emptied the basin twice before another, very pressing problem came to my attention. You see, I’d drunk a lot of coffee that day. And water. And hadn’t had access to the bathroom for a while. And had now been listening to the sound of running water for twenty minutes. Folks, I needed to go, and I needed to go BAD. There was a problem, though: the bathroom was filled with two inches of water, plus a Terry with his finger in a hole.

“Just go in the garden,” said Terry, through gritted teeth.

“No!” I told him, horrified by this. I mean, it was COLD on Sunday night!

“Why not?”

“Because. I. Don’t. Pee. Outside.” I said, totally forgetting for the moment, that actually? Sometimes I do.

There was only one option. That option was for Terry and I to swap places, and for me to take possession of the bathroom and its leaky pipe while Terry manned the mixing bowls downstairs. So we swapped places, amid a shower of water that would have made us look a bit like we were in some kind of body mist commercial or something, were it not for the fact that actually, I was about to try and pee in a flooded bathroom.

I will draw a veil over the next few,awkward minutes of my life, and leave it to you to imagine what it might be like trying to use the bathroom whilst at all times keeping your finger stuck inside a leaky pipe, at ground level. And now I’m just going to take a moment to reflect on this new low I have reached, in both my personal life and in my blogging career…

*   *   *

Not long after this, my parents arrived to, um, relieve us. (Boom Boom!) and my dad availed himself of the opportunity to stick HIS finger in the radiator, while Terry assisted him and my mum and I spread more towels upon the floors and walked around with anxious expressions, repeating the phrase, “Do you think we’ll need a plumber? Should we call a plumber?” at regular intervals.

Luckily, we did not need a plumber. Between them, my dad and Terry somehow managed to plug the leak, and my parents headed back home, taking with them three carrier bags filled with soaking wet towels to remember us by. Thanks, parents! I’m assured that the bathroom will be lovely when it’s finished. The rest of the house, though? Not so much, really. The wood floor on the hall and in the living room took a bit of a beating, mess somehow spread throughout the entire house, and, as I write this, the final load of towels is in the washing machine.

Our trials were not over yet, though, for that night, as I lay dead to the world, dreaming confused dreams involving towels and plumbers, Terry became aware of the sound of that living room shower starting up at full blast again. Yes! The water left in the ceiling had finally found an escape route, and was pouring out of it, forcing Terry to go downstairs and prod a hole in the ceiling, before the whole lot fell down. This was what we woke up to the next morning (It actually looks worse in real life):

Ceiling

So that sucks.

Also, at the height of the Flood, as we anxiously waited for my dad to appear and make it all better, I appeared at the bathroom door with the camera. “Sorry, Terry,” I said, “But I’m totally blogging this…”

Thelittledutchboy

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11 Comments
  • diane
    January 15, 2008

    Oh god, that was so funny, but I can imagine the horror! Why is it always you, Amber??

    Hope it's fixed asap! xx

  • Molly
    January 15, 2008

    That was the best story I've heard in a long time. And it was made even better by you taking a picture for the blog. Now that's a true blogger!

  • Hazel
    January 15, 2008

    I love the expression on Terry's face 🙂

  • Orla
    January 15, 2008

    That made me weewee laughing (not while doing an odd squat thankfully).

    A truly triumphant post, which I'm sure doesn't ease the pain of a generally waterlogged house, but still…

    Oh well, this is the first time I've seen Terry and your hubbie is quite a dish (did I just say dish?! Lord save us)

    x

  • alyndabear
    January 15, 2008

    Ohhhhh no! I must admit to a few giggles… but seeing my luck with breaking appliances, it'll come back to bite me.

  • Kristabella
    January 16, 2008

    I cannot help but laugh hysterically at this story. I don’t mean to laugh at your misfortune, but I can just picture it and it makes it funnier!

    “WE DON’T HAVE A SHOWER IN THE LIVING ROOM!”

    *snort*

  • Holly Golighty
    January 16, 2008

    Ohhhhhh noes. Hope you get that fixes soon. Thank you for blogging about it and the picture with poor Terry kneeling in the whole mess.

  • Adorable Pancreas
    January 16, 2008

    I'm picturing you sitting on the toilet trying to stop the leaking. Only, instead of you, it's me. I need sleep. A LOT of sleep.

  • Kristen
    January 17, 2008

    Oh, my… laughed my you-know-what off at your story, all the time getting odd looks from my two Bichons. Can just imagine Rubinman's reaction to the livingroom shower! Wishing a speedy recovery for you, Terry, Rubinman and the house…

  • Stephen
    January 17, 2008

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    *snort*

    Sorry.

  • Toni
    January 17, 2008

    The look on Terry's face is the crowning glory of that post!

    I think stuff like this happens to all of us at some point in our lives. Apart from for me, it normally IS my husband's fault, so consider yourself lucky there!! Good luck with the fix up x

AD | Time for a quick game of “Where’s Amber?”⁣
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It’s another rainy Monday, so I’m throwing it back to our trip to @universalorlando ‘s amazing Volcano Bay water park last month. I’m a bit of a scaredy when it comes to water flumes, but this park had tons of stuff for pretty much everyone: plenty of rides for me, and an amazing splash pad for Max 👶In fact, I’d still be on The Fearless River right now if I possibly could be. Still, doing the laundry and turning the heating on will be just as good, right? Right?! 🌋 🏊‍♀️ .
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#universalorlando #volcanobay #waterpark #lazyriver #vacay #floridavacay

AD | Time for a...

Good news! We took Max to hospital this morning, and saw two different surgeons, who agreed there was no need to go ahead with the surgery as his lip is healing really well on its own 😅  He’ll definitely have a scar, unfortunately, but that would’ve been the case whether he’d had the surgery or not, and if it turns out to be worse than anticipated, we’ll have the option to have it corrected under local anaesthetic when he’s older. ⁣
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I’m still really upset that this happened in the first place, obviously, but so relieved that we don’t have to put him through a general anaesthetic, and just incredibly grateful that it wasn’t anything worse. I know some parents have to deal with much more serious stuff than this, and my heart goes out to you all: it’s been a rough couple of days, and I’m really grateful to everyone who took the time to comment on yesterday’s post - your stories were so comforting when I was panicking yesterday ❤️ ⁣
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(Old photo, obviously: every time Max sees the selfie camera, he thinks it’s going to be one of those filters where you open your mouth and something happens 😂)⁣
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#pbloggers #mummybloggers #mummybloggersuk #ukmumblog #mumblogsuk #mumblogs #mamablog #ukparentbloggers #parentbloggersuk #ukparentingblog #parentingbloggers #motherhoodblogger #motherhoodblog #ukblogger #ukofficialblogger #happyblogger #mummyblog #bloggerclubuk #instamum

Good news! We took Max...

Totally unrelated photo, but we’ve just spent the morning in Accident & Emergency with Max, who fell on the path outside the house and split his lip open 😥 ⁣
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They tried to stitch it up at A&E, but it was totally impossible with him awake, so they’ve booked him in to have it done under general anaesthetic tomorrow ... Max is absolutely fine: the bleeding stopped quickly, he doesn’t seem to be in pain, and is just his normal, happy little self. I, on the other hand, am a complete wreck: the plastic surgeon he saw today reckons if we don’t have it fixed, his lip will be crooked when it heals, but I’m absolutely *terrified* of the thought of my baby having to have a GA. ⁣
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If you’re a long-time follower, you might know that I have a full-blown phobia of general anaesthetic (I literally had an elective c-section in order to eliminate the possibility of an emergency one, which might have had to be done under GA), so I just can’t get my head to accept that it’s safe and he’ll be fine 😥 ⁣
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Positive stories and advice very welcome: I’m just so terrified, I can’t even imagine how to get through the next 24 hours 😥😥😥

Totally unrelated photo, but we’ve...

#throwbackthursday to last week, when I needed a sunhat and SPF 50 to leave the house, rather than the current raincoat and wellies situation. Can you tell the post-holiday blues are still in full swing over here? 🌧 .
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#whatiwear #30plusblogs #everydaystyle #realoutfitgram  #scottishbloggers #fashionblogger  #fashionblog #fashionstyle #whatimwearing #stylegram  #outfitoftheday #personalstyle #todayiamwearing #styleinspiration 
#stylediaries #styleblogger #over30style

#throwbackthursday to last week, when...

I posted this on Stories over the weekend, but he looked so cute in it I figured it deserved a spot on the grid, too! This is Max all ready for his friend Eleah’s 1st birthday party on Saturday: despite the jetlag and his continuing obsession with doors of all kinds (He had an entire soft play at his disposal, but he mostly just wanted to open and close the gate into it...) he had an absolute ball, and spent the whole drive home shouting, “HAPPY! HAPPY!” Thanks to @thestirlingstyle for a great party 🥳 🎈 🎉 . (Oh, and that’s his hairbrush in his hand - boy likes to look his best 😉)
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#littlepiecesofchildhood #cameramama #chikdhoodeveryday #childofig #celebrate_childhood #babieswithstyle #ootdkids #fashionbaby #trendykids

I posted this on Stories...

We’re back home in not-so-sunny Scotland, but my feed is still stuck in Florida... New post is up on the blog (direct link in Stories..), talking about how we’ve been dealing with toddler jetlag, and why I always hate coming home after a trip...
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#myunicornlife #lifecolorfully #liveauthentic  #ABMlifeissweet #ABMhappylife #ABMlifeiscolorful #howyouglow #makeyousmilestyle #thegoodlist #thecolorwallproject #colorsplash #colorworld #colorsplurge #lovecolors #jj_colorlove #gf_colour #huntgramcolor #jj_colorful #tv_colors #pocketcolors #sunnypicchallenge #colorhunters #colorgram #colorfulllife #colorinspiration #brightcolors #colormyworld #colorinspiration #womeninframe #ihavethisthingforwalls

We’re back home in not-so-sunny...

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