The Story of My Life

I’m just going to keep this short, but slightly hysterical:


We turned the house upside down looking for them. We searched for an hour. I even called my parents to ask if, by any chance, we’d left the passports at their place when we got back from Florida this summer. (There is a reason why every time my mother sees my number on the caller display, she answers with “What’s wrong now?” rather than the customary “hello”.)

Finally, just as I’d started to type the phrase “OMFG I lost my passport!” into Google…

Terry found them.


Isn’t that always the way of it? (Answer: “No, Amber, not really. Not unless you’re an idiot, obviously.”) And the first place we’d looked? Was a certain drawer in my filing cabinet which I tend to think of as “the passport drawer”. No, there are no prizes for guessing why I call it that.

The thing is, though, I SEARCHED the passport drawer. About ten times. In fact, so certain was I that if they weren’t there, they must be gone for good (I know I’ve managed to lose almost everything else I own this year, but I am actually pretty careful about the passports. No, really.), while Terry systematically ransacked the house, looking under rugs, behind mirrors and inside the dog’s ears, I just kept circling back to The Passport Drawer and going through it over and over again. Mostly while shrieking, “I can’t believe we’ve lost our PASSPORTS! Someone’s probably pretending to be me in Cuba or somewhere by now!”

Then I would search The Passport Drawer again. And again. I know I’m something of an unreliable searcher, too, so Terry ALSO searched TPD, at least three times that I can remember. The passports WERE NOT THERE. And then suddenly… they were.

I can only assume from all of this that at some point last night, our passports discovered how to make themselves magically invisible, and did it just to screw with us. It’s the only possible explanation. (Because it can’t POSSIBLY be that Terry and I are just STUPID. No.) If so, I can only hope they don’t ever decide to do it again, because I had to switch on my SAD light this week, and my sanity now depends on getting out of the county for a couple of weeks at least.

I think I’m going to give the passports to my parents for safe keeping. Also my green dresses. And… just everything, really. It’s the only way I can guarantee their safety.

(Oh, hey, that story wasn’t really short AT ALL, was it? Whoops.)

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books by Amber Eve
  • I’m thinking you should just give up on 2009 and move on to 2010 already. This has not been a good year for you. On the plus side, you did find your passports, so that’s good. Have you interrogated Rubinman?
    .-= Tracey´s last blog ..Books, books and more books =-.

    November 12, 2009
  • Cookie


    Oh, I had that happen to me more than once. It's just that your mind is so used to seeing something there that you stop registering it. Passports are one of the best examples for it. Also checkbooks, savings account books… Well, either that or it was the gnomes. They are the ones that steal your socks.

    November 12, 2009
  • My favourite thing about losing stuff (if such a favourite thing exists) is that one moron always says "Well, where did you last have it?" and you think "IF I KNEW THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE LOST IT WOULD I?"

    I have to say though, if it makes you feel any better, I have done the exact same thing with my young person's railcard / passport / medical card about a million times and it's always where I first looked. It's sod's law.

    Also, you have a filing cabinet? YOU BIG GROWN UP!!!!
    .-= Gemma´s last blog ..Since you’ve been gone… =-.

    November 12, 2009
  • Rock Hyrax


    I've had the same with a car insurance certificate. Careful Terry isn't gaslighting you! 😉

    November 12, 2009
  • Glad you found them! I have a passport but sadly, I have never used it! I need to go somewhere I think.

    November 12, 2009
  • Geez! You guys can't catch a break lately! Now you REALLY need this vacation! Glad you found them!
    .-= Kristabella´s last blog ..You Have The Right To Remain Silent? =-.

    November 12, 2009
  • Steph


    It's good that you found them, even if it took a while. Reading your account of the search reminded me of a bit in Black Books where Bernard turns the place upside down for hours looking for his passport and finally gives up in despair, prompting Manny to ask 'Have you looked on the desk?' 'What? No. Oh, there they are.' 🙂

    This is part of the reason I have never been on holiday (apart from being a pauper, that is) – I just know that I'd get so stressed from arranging it that I would spend the whole holiday sleeping…

    November 12, 2009
  • Thanks just plain weird. Glad you found them 🙂
    .-= Louise´s last blog ..Arrival =-.

    November 12, 2009
  • myra


    everybody has a story of losing something important – wanna hear mine – it was Raymond actually – our car keys went missing when we were packing up at the end of a holiday – we searched everywhere – and were panicking cos we couldn't go home. I have an image of my sister shaking her toothbrush to see if it was there cos we shook out everything else (absolutely true) – we had to send for the AA to open the car – guess where the keys were – in the boot – he had to make lots of apologies lol

    November 12, 2009
  • Depy


    I suggest you had Terry in search for the green dress too!!! lol

    November 13, 2009
  • Amber, fon't worry I did exactly the same thing – but I was in Sweden on a school exchange and it was the night before our flight home.

    It was about 11pm and the flight was at 4am and I could not find my passport. I emptied my suitcase 3 or 4 times trying to find it but it just wasn't there.

    On my school exchange I had too move house as the first girl I was staying with decided to go away on holiday half way through the week I was there. So I was panicing that I had left my passport in her house and there was no way of finding it until she returned.

    It eventually turned up – in the suitcase but for the 30 minutes I was looking it was heart stopping!


    November 13, 2009