A few years ago I wrote a post about some of the Scottish stereotypes people like to perpetuate (and why you shouldn’t believe them…), and since then, I’ve been getting quite a lot of questions about what scottish people hate?
Now, I’m going to start this post by pointing out that I am totally unqualified to tell you what Scottish people hate, because although I am a Scottish person, I’m obviously not ALL Scottish people, so I can’t possibly speak for all 5 million + of us. I mean, I could give it a go, but that probably wouldn’t end well for me, you know?
I’m also unqualified to tell you what Scottish people hate, however, because, actually there isn’t a lot of stuff we genuinely HATE. (Other than the midges. Obviously. We really, truly, hate midges…) Because we are nice. And friendly. And kind of worried now that you’re going to read this list and take it 100% seriously, when it’s actually only supposed to be taken about 4.3% seriously, if that.
When you’re reading the list below then, please do so with the awareness that this post is completely unserious, and that the word ‘hate’ is being used in its loosest possible form here, to refer to things Scottish people find mildly irritating at best (and, even then, it’s not ALL of us…)
And, with that all-important caveat out of the way, here we go…
A completely random list of things Scottish people hate (only not really…)
01.
Being referred to as ‘Scotch’
Scotch is a drink: the people are Scottish (or Scots). Never refer to us as ‘the Scotch’, please…
02.
Tam O’Shanter hats
You know those tartan hats with the pom poms on top and the bright orange hair sticking out the bottom that are for sale everywhere during the Edinburgh festival, and thus beloved of tourists? Scottish people hate those hats. No true Scot would be seen dead in one. And every time a tourist wears one, a little bit of us dies inside…
03.
People who see a Scotsman in a kilt and immediately ask him what’s under it.
No, seriously, what’s wrong with you?
04.
Midges. Obviously.
Come to the Highlands in summer, and I promise you’ll hate the little bastards, too.
05.
“I’m actually Scottish too!”
But they’re actually from Arkansas, and it was just their great-great-great-grandfather’s second cousin once removed who was Scottish. Look, you’re either Scottish or you’re not: one-sixty-eighth Scottish is not a thing here, so when when you start earnestly explaining your Scottish heritage, which turns out to be some tenuous link from four hundred years ago, we will nod and smile politely, but every time you claim to be “Scottish”, we’ll be secretly thinking, “No you’re not, Clive, you’re from Arkansas.”
06.
Being told what ‘clan’ someone is from.
We really, truly, do not give a rat’s ass what clan you belong to. I’m sorry, but we just don’t. Because it’s not the 17th century any more, Susan…
07.
Being patronised…
… by people who think the clan system is still A Thing, and are surprised to find us living in modern houses, rather than ‘wee’ stone cottages or castles. And then ask us if we’ve heard of the Internet, or any of the other many modern inventions they haven’t seen on Outlander, and therefore assume don’t exist here yet.
08.
Groundskeeper Willie…
… or, more accurately, people who make fun of our accents by doing an impression of Groundskeeper Willie. Who does not sound remotely like any Scottish person I know, by the way…
09.
The phrase ‘Och Aye the Noo.”
IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING. NO ONE SAYS THIS. PLEASE STOP.
10.
The Weather
Scottish people hate the weather in Scotland. All weather in Scotland. Because spring, autumn, and winter all basically just blend into each other, and summer almost never fails to be disappointing. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever met a Scottish person who claims to love autumn, like the rest of the Internet does; mostly because it’s pretty much ALWAYS autumn here, and our autumns are dark, wet, and dreary, so instead of frolicking joyfully in the crunchy leaves like the rest of you, we’re just squelching along in the pitch dark wondering why it’s dark at 3pm…
11.
People telling us how sunny it is in their country, and how much they hate that
Cry me a freakin’ river, Darl. Read the room…
12.
The implication that we’re an entire nation of tight-fisted misers…
… and all of those other stupid Scottish stereotypes that couldn’t be further from the truth.
13.
Deep fried Mars Bars
They’re disgusting, and the only reason you can buy them is because tourists keep asking for them.
14.
“Edinboro’ and ‘Glas-cow’
It’s ‘Ed-in-buru’ and “Glas-go’, thanks.
Fellow Scottish people: feel free to add to this list. What do YOU hate?
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