What do Scottish people hate? Let me give you a list...

A few years ago I wrote a post about some of the Scottish stereotypes people like to perpetuate (and why you shouldn’t believe them…), and since then, I’ve been getting quite a lot of questions about what scottish people hate?

Now, I’m going to start this post by pointing out that I am totally unqualified to tell you what Scottish people hate, because although I am a Scottish person, I’m obviously not ALL Scottish people, so I can’t possibly speak for all 5 million + of us. I mean, I could give it a go, but that probably wouldn’t end well for me, you know?

I’m also unqualified to tell you what Scottish people hate, however, because, actually there isn’t a lot of stuff we genuinely HATE. (Other than the midges. Obviously. We really, truly, hate midges…) Because we are nice. And friendly. And kind of worried now that you’re going to read this list and take it 100% seriously, when it’s actually only supposed to be taken about 4.3% seriously, if that.

When you’re reading the list below then, please do so with the awareness that this post is completely unserious, and that the word ‘hate’ is being used in its loosest possible form here, to refer to things Scottish people find mildly irritating at best (and, even then, it’s not ALL of us…)

And, with that all-important caveat out of the way, here we go…

A completely random list of things Scottish people hate (only not really…)

Being referred to as ‘Scotch’. Scotch is a drink: the people are Scottish (or Scots)
Those tartan hats with the pom poms on top and the bright orange hair sticking out the bottom that are for sale everywhere during the Edinburgh festival, and thus beloved of tourists.
People who think all Scottish people are ‘ginger‘ and wear tartan hats with pom poms on the top.
People who use the word ‘ginger’ rather than ‘redhead’.
People who see a Scotsman in a kilt and immediately ask him what’s under it.
Midges. Obviously.
Tourists who try to claim they’re Scottish, when they’re actually from Kansas, and it was just their great-great-great-grandfather’s second cousin once removed who was Scottish. Look, you’re either Scottish or you’re not: one-sixty-eighth Scottish is not a thing here, so when when you start earnestly explaining your Scottish heritage, which turns out to be some tenuous link from four hundred years ago, we will nod and smile politely, but every time you claim to be “Scottish”, we’ll be secretly thinking, “No you’re not, Clive, you’re from Kansas.”
Being told what ‘clan’ someone is from. We really, truly, do not give a rat’s ass what clan you belong to. I’m sorry, but we just don’t.
People who think the clan system is still A Thing, and are surprised to find us living in modern houses, rather than ‘wee’ stone cottages or castles.
People who are not Scottish, but who insist on constantly using the phrase ‘wee’, thinking they’re blending right in.
Groundskeeper Willie.
People who think we all speak like Groundskeeper Willie.
People who make fun of our accents by doing a Groundskeeper Willie impression.
Braveheart
The phrase ‘och aye the noo’. IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING. NO ONE SAYS THIS. PLEASE STOP.
Racism and pretty much any other kind of prejudice against other people.
Autumn
Winter
Spring
Most summers, unless we get a ‘heatwave’, which means the temperature is higher than 18 degrees C, and we’re all basically naked now.
People telling us how HOT and DRY it is in their country, and how much they hate that. Cry me a freakin’ river, Darl.
The implication that we’re an entire nation of tight-fisted misers.
Deep fried Mars Bars — they’re disgusting, and the only reason you can buy them is because tourists keep asking for them
The question ‘Rangers or Celtic’? Just … don’t.
Donald Trump.
‘Edinboro’
‘Glas-cow’
Being asked if we have Netflix /iphones / fire / the round wheel, etc. Yes, Sandra, it’s the 21st century here as well: Outlander is just a story, OK?

Don’t Scots hate the English, though, I hear you ask? Why aren’t they on this list of things Scottish people hate?

I mean, sure, SOME Scottish people hate the English, and are extremely vocal about it, which I guess is why there’s a belief that ALL Scottish people hate the English. Thankfully, though, we’re not all bigots: actually, the majority of us are very nice and tolerant, and completely and utterly embarrassed by the actions of the vocal few. Sorry, English people: most of us love you, I promise!