Things Only Scottish People Will Understand
Living in Scotland has it’s good points, but it also has it’s incredibly weird points too, at times. Here are a few things I’m sure my fellow Scottish people will understand…
Having to dress for every possible type of weather, because it changes every 15 minutes.
Leaving the house? You’ll be needing your sunglasses AND an umbrella. Also sunscreen and a snowsuit.
People wearing their summer clothes as soon as the temperature hits double digits.
“Rangers or Celtic?”
Give me strength…
Having to bite your tongue every time an American pronounces it “Edinboro”
ED-IN-BUR-UH. Say it with me, people…
Or an English person describes you as “Scotch”.
“Scotch” is a drink: I’m Scottish, thanks…
Being charged extra to travel from a Scottish airport.
No cheap holidays for you, then!
Discovering there are no direct flights to where you want to go anyway, so you’re going to have to go via London.
Prepare to get very familiar with the inside of Terminal 5.
Having to avoid Edinburgh for the entire month of August.
Being repeatedly asked if you play golf or drink whisky.
Nope – and I don’t eat deep friend Mars Bars or dink Irn Bru, either!
People assuming you party until you drop on ‘Hogmanay’, when you actually just watch the fireworks on TV, like everyone else you know.
I will NOT party like it’s 1999, and you cannot make me.
Having to keep explaining that “och aye the noo” doesn’t actually mean anything.
Literal translation: “Oh yes just now.” Say what?
Finding out that the word “outwith” isn’t used, er, outwith Scotland, and being absolutely amazed by it.
How do people even talk without this word?
Being expected to know or care which clan you’re allegedly part of
Look, this isn’t Outlander, you know: no one cares about clans!
Being invited to a wedding, but it’s a ceilidh and you can’t remember how to do any of the dances.
Because you learned them in primary school, and that was… let’s just say a WHILE ago.
People constantly making your fun of your accent
Not all Scottish people sound like Griundskeeper Willie, you know.
Being asked if you hate the English
No. Because I’m not a dick.
Not being able to get a decent bag of chips anywhere other than Scotland.
Salt and sauce, please…
Having to explain what ‘diluting juice’ is
Because we could never just call it “squash”.
Mother’s Pride bread (toasted) and Lurpak butter being an elite snack.
It really is, though.
A “bunker” being a worktop, not something to do with the war.
“Put your messages on the kitchen bunker.”
“Clapping” being something you do to pets
Clue: we are not giving them a round of applause…