There are lots of things in life that make me angry.
Some of them are big things. School shootings. Homophobia. Donald Trump. You get the picture, I’m sure.
Some of them, though, are pretty small things, really. Like, they’re the kind of thing that, if you ever dare complain about them, you just know some sanctimonious person is going to instantly pop up and be all, “Oh, but you CAAAAAAN’T complain about THAAAAAT, Amber! Don’t you know there are children dying in Africa, and here you are, complaining about the fact that every time you try to take the foil lid off a pot of yogurt, it totally splatters all over you? HOW VERY DARE YOU.”
(Sanctimonious people are one of the things that make me irrationally angry, just FYI.)
(Also, those foil lids on yogurt pots are freaking ANNOYING, and you know it.)
The thing is, though, sometimes complaining is fun. Well it IS, isn’t it? And, as the complex human beings we are, we all know it’s possible to be REALLY FREAKING ANNOYED by something, while simultaneously understanding that this reaction is not completely rational, and that there are much worse things that could happen.
So, let it be known that YES, I am aware that there are much more important things in the world to complain about. I know that. Today, though, I’m going to complain about THESE things: because these are the little inconsequential things that, nevertheless, annoy the hell out of me…
(Having to add lengthy caveats to my posts just so you all know they’re supposed to be lighthearted, and that I’m not ACTUALLY crying over my spilt yogurt over here is another one of the things that makes me irrationally angry. But, moving on…)
When you click on a link to something that sounds right up your street, but when it opens, it turns out to be a video or a podcast rather than a blog post.
WAAAAH! How annoying is THAT? Because I don’t WANT to watch a video or listen to a podcast! I just want to find out how to do this particular hairstyle your title promised to show me, and now I’m going to have to go and find my earbuds, and then sit through an advert for haemorrhoid cream, plus 20 minutes of you explaining what hairbrush you use, and exactly how you use it first, and OH THE HUMANITY, SERIOUSLY.
(The fact that I know you added that 20-minute explanation because, if you didn’t, you’d just get 101 comments from people going, “BUT WHAT BRUSH DO YOU USE?” also makes me irrationally angry, needless to say…)
Emptying the dishwasher
This one is particularly irrational and first-world-problem-ish of me, because, hey! Some people don’t even HAVE a dishwasher to empty! SOME people, in fact, have to carry their dirty dishes 7 miles to the nearest river to clean them, and also, they don’t even HAVE any dirty dishes to clean, because they just have to eat with their hands. And the river is polluted, anyway. And they don’t even HAVE any hands. TRUTH.
I, however, DO have a dishwasher, and because I’m a spoiled white girl, I’m just going to go ahead and admit that sometimes, when the dishwasher beeps to let me know its finished its cycle, I think to myself, “Hmm, I COULD go and spend 10 minutes putting the dishes away, like a responsible adult … OR I could just take the dishes and SMASH THEM INTO A MILLION PIECES INSTEAD.” Because hi, I’m Amber, and I absolutely HATE unloading the dishwasher. I don’t even know why. I mean, it takes FIVE FREAKING MINUTES. And it’s SO much easier than having to wash and dry the dishes by hand! Even so, every time I have to do it, I want to scream and scream until I’m SICK, basically.
(Er, I DON’T, obviously. But I WANT to.)
That stupid plastic wrap that comes on eyeliner pencils
I mean, honestly, I’m just grateful I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to sit and pick that stuff off with my fingernails, really. Oh no, wait…
When you’re in a restaurant, and the person you’re with is all, “Let’s just share a starter!”
But but but… I don’t WANT to share a starter! I want my OWN starter, that I can eat all by myself, without worrying that I’ve had more than my share, or that I’ve just taken the piece YOU wanted. But I’m worried you’ll judge me if I go ahead and say that, though, so, instead, I’m just going to go along with your crazy, starter-sharing scheme, and, yup, looks like I AM going to be spending the next 20 minutes worrying that I’m eating more than my share! And then I’m going to go to the bathroom and EAT MY OWN ARM, because THIS IS HOW HANGRY YOU’VE MADE ME.
(And no, I don’t want to taste your main course either, or let you taste mine: get your own food people, seriously.)
(Unless you ordered chips, in which case hand them over and stop being so stingy, GOD.)
(Yes, I could just say “no” to the starter thing, I know. But saying yes and then complaining on the internet is WAY more fun, isn’t it?)
When women have a conversation on Facebook, and it goes something like this:
WOMAN 1: Hi hunni, how’s you? x
WOMAN 2: I’m good, hunni, you? x
W1: I’m good too hunni. You coming out tonight? x
W2 : Yeah, hunni, I am! x
And so on and so forth, with the “hunni” and the little x’s at the end of every exchange. (I mean, seriously: if you were having this conversation in real life, would you lean forward and give the other person a little kiss every time you stopped to draw breath? Well, WHY ARE YOU DOING IT ON THE INTERNET, THEN?) Also, I say “women”, because, the fact is, MEN NEVER DO THIS. Last week, Terry ordered a sweater for me from a website obviously aimed at women who use the word “hunni” a lot, because all of the dispatch and order notifications addressed him as “hunni”, and then, a couple of days later, he got a marketing email from them with the title, “Sun’s out, huns out!” He was just like, “MEN DON’T SPEAK TO EACH OTHER LIKE THIS.”
But many women do. And it makes me feel irrationally annoyed.
When people write “draws” instead of “drawers”
Look, I know they sound the same in some accents, but THEY ARE NOT THE SAME, DAMMIT. NOT. THE. SAME.
Whew. That felt gooooood.
Over to you, then: what kind of little things make YOU irrationally angry? (And please don’t say, “When bloggers make list of stupid stuff that annoys them”- thank you.)