Well, it’s my week 19 pregnancy update, folks, and the big news from this week was, of course, the mid-pregnancy anomaly scan – which I actually had at 9 weeks and 4 days (As opposed to the 20 weeks most people have it at, or the 21 weeks I’d been booked in for…), purely because I’m a special snowflake, in an, “I can’t possibly wait another two weeks to see this baby,” kinda way, so the hospital very kindly moved it forward for me. Thanks, hospital!
So! We got to see the baby! And We found out, not only that it’s a boy, but also that it’s a very healthy little boy, who’s developing exactly as he should be: I am so proud.
I’m not gonna lie, though: I was an absolute MESS going into this scan – as in, I didn’t think I was going to be able to get out of the car when we got to the hospital, I was shaking so badly with nerves. This was my first scan in almost 8 weeks (In my first trimester, I had one every two weeks, due to my previous ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage. And also because I’m an absolute fruitcake, let’s be honest…), and I. Was. Terrified. I was absolutely convinced I’d be told something was wrong, but happily the only thing “wrong” was my conviction that something would be wrong, and I was very happy about that indeed.
I was also worried about the scan because I’d read/heard that the sonographer would show us the baby briefly, and then turn the screen away and sit there in silence, while she looked at all of the Very Important Things they have to check, and I knew I’d be an absolute wreck while that was happening. Luckily for us, though, that turned out not to be the case, and instead she talked us through everything she was doing/looking at, which was all incredibly cool and detailed, and kind of mind-blowing really. This was (probably) the last scan I’ll be given on the NHS, but we’re thinking of getting a private 4D one once I’m in the 3rd trimester: partly so our parents can see it, too, but also because wouldn’t it be cool to have a photo of yourself before you were even born? I think so.
The sonographer also told me my placenta is right at the front, which she said will muffle movement from the baby, and make it unlikely that I’d be feeling much yet: so, it’s not that he isn’t moving, as some people seemed to assume from last week’s post, it’s just that I can’t feel it – phew! With that said, this week I think I might be starting to feel something: I’ve been a little bit confused about this, though, because it doesn’t feel like a butterfly flapping its wings, or like bubbles bursting, which is what everyone else seems to describe. It doesn’t feel like gas, though, either, which is what makes me suspect it just might be some movement, although it’s very subtle and sporadic, and some days I don’t really feel anything at all. Hmm.
“But what DOES it feel like?” Terry asked when I told him this. And honestly? I don’t really know how to describe it, other than by saying, “Well, it feels a bit like there’s something in my belly which is moving very slightly from time to time…” I call it ‘The Shifting’. Which, yes, makes this pregnancy sound a bit like a Stephen King novel or something, but, then again, when you suffer from anxiety, pregnancy IS a bit like a Stephen King novel, isn’t it? Like, if you were pitching a novel idea to someone who didn’t know how pregnancy worked, and you were all, “So, it’s about this person, yeah, who has another person living inside them…” the person you were pitching to would just be like, “Nah, dude, that’s WAY too far-fetched and creepy: no one will EVER believe that one!”
So, yes, The Shifting: I’ve been calling it that because it’s just been this very subtle shifting sensation, which I’m only really aware of if I’m sitting still, or – slightly bizarrely – watching Game of Thrones. I dunno if the baby LIKES GoT or hates it, but it DOES seem to want to dance while it’s on, so he’s going to be MAD that he missed The Red Wedding, isn’t he? We’ll maybe leave that one until he’s older, though…
(UPDATE! UPDATE! I wrote this post yesterday afternoon, and had it all scheduled to go, then last night I was lying in bed, when The Shifting started up, much stronger than it’s been been before. It also seemed a bit higher than before, so I put my hand on my belly, around the spot I could feel it (So I could spend the next few minutes/hours saying to Terry, “It was right here: do you think that could’ve been it? Do you, though? Do you?”), and OMG, THE BABY TOTALLY KICKED AGAINST MY HAND! Which, actually, felt so freaky that I instantly snatched my hand away, and then burst out laughing when I realised what it was. There was absolutely no doubt that it was a kick, though, so unless there’s something ELSE inside me that can do that, let the record show that, as of midnight at the very start of week 20, WE HAVE MOVEMENT, PEOPLE: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.)
Week 19 pregnancy diary
Week 19 Pregnancy Symptoms
Well, ONE skin tag… which I obviously assumed was actually skin cancer, because, health anxiety. Well, I completely and utterly freaked out – we’re talking full-on ugly crying, punctuated every few seconds by me rushing to the mirror to check it was still there, the works. I only calmed down when a quick look back through my blog photos revealed that, actually, I’ve ALWAYS had that skin tag, it’s just gotten a little bit bigger, which obviously had me sounding the ‘Skin Cancer’ klaxon, but which is apparently very common in pregnancy. I’m still not TOTALLY calm about this, though, so please, please, PLEASE no scary skin tag stories/dire warnings in the comments about it: not even ones beginning with the words, “I’m not trying to scare you, but…” or ending with, “but I’m sure that won’t happen to YOU!”
Some of this freak out was down to health anxiety/pregnancy hormones, obviously, but a large part of it was really down to everything that’s been happening with Terry’s mum lately, which has obviously been very triggering, as well as being just plain ol’ awful, really. She was admitted to hospital again this week, and is still there: it’s been a real blow, as she’d been dealing really well with her second round of chemo until then, and we were hoping she was past the worst of it with this cycle. She was, however, thrilled to hear our news from the scan (As were my parents, who had to be restrained from rushing out and buying baby stuff: you can see where I get it from, can’t you?) and, of course, happy to hear that her ‘butt theory’ has once again been proved correct. Gotta admit, I’m now really curious to know what else my butt knows that I don’t: ah, if butts could talk, the secrets they could tell!
Oh, hey, did I mention my hormones have been CRAZY this week? Because my hormones have been crazy this week – and not just during the whole ‘Skin Tag’ scare, either. I can basically burst into tears over just about anything right now, which has been tons o’fun for Terry, who’s spent a lot of this week going, “But WHY are you crying?” only for me to reply, “I don’t knoooowwww!” Fun times, indeed.
A really weird thing:
Also… I hesitate to even mention this, because it’s kinda embarrassing, but on Tuesday morning I was doing my makeup and I discovered an inch-long white hair growing out of my forehead. My forehead. THE HELL KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS??!
Week 19 Pregnancy Aversions
The usual: coffee. I should probably just retire this section, to save myself having to repeat it every week, shouldn’t I?
Week 19 Pregnancy Cravings
Also The Usual: which, just FYI, is EVERYTHING. So, I crave FOOD, basically. All kinds of food, really, but if I had to choose, mashed potato would probably still be my favourite: or baked potato, even. ANY kind of potato, really. I actually could quite fancy some fries round about now…
On the plus side, I’m the least fussy eater ever right now, because everything tastes amazing to me: on the minus side, though, I’ve regained my appreciation for chocolate, which means I’m probably going to at least triple in size by the time the baby arrives…
Week 19 Pregnancy Fears
My big fear this week was about the 20-week scan, but once I’d gotten through that, I managed to relax a bit. I AM, however, constantly still monitoring my belly for signs (well, feelings, rather…) of movement, and am a bit worried that my health anxiety/OCD is rapidly turning this into A Thing, and that, now that I’ve felt definite movement, I’ll basically just have to give up my life, so I can count kicks all day instead. I’ve already woken up this morning and thought, “Hmm, I felt a kick last night: why no kicks this morning?” and even although I know perfectly well that I’m not going to feel movement ALL the time, I can already tell that this particular saga is set to run and run.