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Pregnancy Diary | Week 32

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W

e have a date, people!

I actually wasn’t expecting to be told this for another couple of weeks or so, but on Tuesday morning I had a appointment with my midwife, who told me she’d just checked the system, and my elective c-section has been booked for…

December 29th!

This is, as you can probably imagine, is both really, really scary, and really, really exciting, in equal measures. On the one hand, I just can’t WAIT to meet this baby, and the thought of having to wait another 6 whole weeks seems absolutely excruciating to me. On the other hand, though, my health anxiety now has Buddy Holly’s ‘That’ll Be The Day (That I Die)’ running through my head on a loop, and, in that context,  December 29th seems terrifyingly close. I mean, I haven’t done even HALF of the things I wanted to do with my life. I never did get round to finishing the second draft of that book, for instance. I have yet to travel the world. And, to be honest, my sock drawer could be doing with a good clear-out, too. So much to do, so little time!

Still, all being well (and, obviously, the caveat to that is that I could technically go into labour at any time, so that date is far from set in stone), I at least have a set date to count down to, and that goes a long way towards helping me manage my anxiety.  And, with that said, here’s what happened in Week 32…

Week 32 pregnancy diary
Week 32 Pregnancy Appointments

As well as the aforementioned midwife appointment (We have these every two weeks now, and it’s really reassuring for me to get to hear baby’s heartbeat and be told everything sounds fine!), I also had a meeting with an anaesthetist this week, at the hospital. I think this was supposed to help calm some of my anaesthetic-related fears (context: my phobia of general anaesthetic), but, unfortunately, it just served to make it a bit worse.

I really should have expected this, to be honest, because exactly the same thing happened at my first doctor’s appointment, to discuss the possibility of a c-section: so, basically, while I wasn’t told anything I didn’t already know (It mostly centred around how they can’t guarantee that nothing will go wrong, or that I won’t end up needing a general – which I obviously knew already…), somehow hearing someone actually TELL me that, hey, I may well end up facing my fear, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to avoid it, just really freaks me out, so I left the hospital feeling a bit upset again.

On the plus side, the anaesthetist DID reassure me that as I’m slim (I mean, God knows how she could tell at this point…), in good health, and haven’t had any previous c-sections, I’m a good candidate for this procedure, which is normally straightforward. She also said that, while I can never eliminate the risks completely, a planned c-section will give me the smallest possible risk of having to be knocked unconscious (Everyone seems to be in general agreement that there’s a good chance I’d end up needing a c-section even if I had chosen a vaginal birth), and that’s one of the main reasons I’m doing this, so I guess that part was helpful.

I’m pretty much back to just wanting to keep the baby in there forever again, though. Even although he just kicked me really hard in the bladder as I wrote that sentence…

Week 32 Pregnancy Symptoms

Symptom-wise, it’s just the same old, same old really: insomnia, constipation, being really, really tired and irritable all the time… I seriously pity everyone who has to be around me right now, I really do. I am SO sorry, guys…

Week 32 Pregnancy Preparations

In better news, yesterday afternoon our nursery furniture was delivered (and also assembled, which was awesome, as Terry has SO much work on right now that I feel like I hardly see him…) by Kidsmill. We’re now just waiting for a couple of things (mattress and changing pad, mainly) to finish it off: oh, and we also ordered this giant ruler, which should be arriving today:

giant white ruler

When I was a little girl I had a rag doll I used to be allowed to mark my height on the inside of the closet door in my bedroom every year. I remember when my parents sold that house, I was really sad at the idea of something so personal being covered up by the next owners of the house, so Terry had the idea of getting a giant ruler instead, that we can record the baby’s height on at different ages, and then take with us if we ever move. Terry WAS actually going to try and just make one of these himself, because most of the ones we found were basically just planks of wood with numbers on them, but then we found this one, which is bevelled to look like an actual ruler, and which was therefore deemed to fit his very strict criteria.

So, as I said, that’ll be arriving today, then we just need to get the mattress and changing pad, and I think we’ll be pretty much all set, so look out for a nursery reveal next week sometime!

Aaaand, I think that’s all the news from Week 32, really! I feel like I have less and less to report in these diary entries as time goes on: I’m basically just stuck in a holding pattern of counting down the days until he arrives, (And wondering how the hell I’m going to keep dressing myself in the meantime, because the number of wearable items in my closet seems to be shrinking on the daily right now!) right now, which is a little bit frustrating, although, at the same time, I’m just grateful that everything still seems to be going relatively smoothly.

With that said, I have another scan booked for next week, and I’m already starting to worry about that: it would be nice to think that the worry would all have ended with the booking of the c-section, but LOL, nope! It just keeps on coming…

[My Pregnancy Diary]

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15 Comments
  • Karen Carney
    November 16, 2017

    Bump pic please

  • Francesca Petrizzo
    November 16, 2017

    So exciting! I am so sorry this is playing so badly with the anxiety – but I am so glad all is going well!

  • Samantha Louise
    November 16, 2017

    I hope that knowing lets you prepare and get your head in a good place. They’ll be very prepared and all ready for you 🙂

  • Myra
    November 16, 2017

    Only six weeks to go, that is both exciting and frightening for you. But this too will pass and then you be able to hold your son in your arms.

    It is obvious that you are slim, with a large “bump”. The anaesthestist explained to a colleague that my daughter was slim when putting in an epidural in her spine, during her Labour, making it easier to find the right place.

    I suggest that at some point in the future, you consider publishing your pregnancy diary as a book, as you provide such a clear and intelligent picture of both the pregnancy and your fears and anxieties. Medical staff, in particular, would greatly benefit from reading it, but so too would pregnant women and also mothers who would empathise with your experiences. I doubt there is another book like it and it could become a valuable educational resource.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t feel great at the moment and don’t feel like fun to be around. Pregnancy is tough, particularly towards the end, but your family and friends know that and will do all they can to support you. If you’re not up to seeing people, they will understand, but it might give you a new audience and opportunity to express how you feel. Much love 💞

  • Abi Silvester
    November 16, 2017

    I love the certainty and calmness of this approach. Just as it should be. Best of luck!

  • Monika Sanguinetti
    November 16, 2017

    The C-section is much less scary than we make it in our heads. They are professionals who do it all the time, once that worry goes away, of what could go wrong, it’s not bad at all.

  • Brenda
    November 16, 2017

    I had to giggle at your sock drawer comment — I organized mine before I had our kids as well! Have you bought a new car yet?

  • Erin
    November 16, 2017

    YAY! I’m so excited for you two and baby boy <3 I just organized my sock drawer. Only 5 without partners. Just holding on to them in case their friend show up somewhere.

  • Linda Brogan
    November 16, 2017

    Very exciting, looking forward to meeting your boy x

  • Sarah Rooftops
    November 16, 2017

    Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! How exciting! You might even get to have a guilt-free celebration drink on Hogmanay.

  • Erin Burrows
    November 16, 2017

    So soon!! Much love to you

  • Michelle Mitchell
    November 16, 2017

    I had 2 C-sections & they were so relaxed! People used to ask if I felt I missed out on not having naturally ah mean why on earth would I feel guilty about missing out on pain! You can’t drive for a while afterwards but heh, it’s a great time to get pampered & lots of bonding time with your new baby enjoy the excitement of your day to come & mostly enjoy your baby xxx

  • Sarah
    November 17, 2017

    Great date for a birthday. Both my friend and I have 29th December birthdays (1 year apart).

  • Sarah
    November 17, 2017

    This is so exciting! I’m 20 weeks pregnant and had a great first trimester but have felt exhausted for the last few weeks and due to a complication I spend all my time worrying and will probably need a planned c-section too! Although I actually worry more about keeping him safe and cooking than I do about getting him out haha. I don’t feel like the hospital staff have been very reassuring but I think they’re just so busy and see pregnant ladies all the time so they don’t realise how much we take their every word to heart xx

  • metoo
    November 24, 2017

    I just love your writing 🙂 [prehistoric emoji] especially in this post when you talk about travelling the world and then clearing out the sock drawer! So many of us segue from lofty ambition to the sock drawer, but you are the one to come out and say it with humor that is both gentle and wry. Good on ya.

AD | Time for a quick game of “Where’s Amber?”⁣
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It’s another rainy Monday, so I’m throwing it back to our trip to @universalorlando ‘s amazing Volcano Bay water park last month. I’m a bit of a scaredy when it comes to water flumes, but this park had tons of stuff for pretty much everyone: plenty of rides for me, and an amazing splash pad for Max 👶In fact, I’d still be on The Fearless River right now if I possibly could be. Still, doing the laundry and turning the heating on will be just as good, right? Right?! 🌋 🏊‍♀️ .
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#universalorlando #volcanobay #waterpark #lazyriver #vacay #floridavacay

AD | Time for a...

Good news! We took Max to hospital this morning, and saw two different surgeons, who agreed there was no need to go ahead with the surgery as his lip is healing really well on its own 😅  He’ll definitely have a scar, unfortunately, but that would’ve been the case whether he’d had the surgery or not, and if it turns out to be worse than anticipated, we’ll have the option to have it corrected under local anaesthetic when he’s older. ⁣
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I’m still really upset that this happened in the first place, obviously, but so relieved that we don’t have to put him through a general anaesthetic, and just incredibly grateful that it wasn’t anything worse. I know some parents have to deal with much more serious stuff than this, and my heart goes out to you all: it’s been a rough couple of days, and I’m really grateful to everyone who took the time to comment on yesterday’s post - your stories were so comforting when I was panicking yesterday ❤️ ⁣
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(Old photo, obviously: every time Max sees the selfie camera, he thinks it’s going to be one of those filters where you open your mouth and something happens 😂)⁣
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#pbloggers #mummybloggers #mummybloggersuk #ukmumblog #mumblogsuk #mumblogs #mamablog #ukparentbloggers #parentbloggersuk #ukparentingblog #parentingbloggers #motherhoodblogger #motherhoodblog #ukblogger #ukofficialblogger #happyblogger #mummyblog #bloggerclubuk #instamum

Good news! We took Max...

Totally unrelated photo, but we’ve just spent the morning in Accident & Emergency with Max, who fell on the path outside the house and split his lip open 😥 ⁣
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They tried to stitch it up at A&E, but it was totally impossible with him awake, so they’ve booked him in to have it done under general anaesthetic tomorrow ... Max is absolutely fine: the bleeding stopped quickly, he doesn’t seem to be in pain, and is just his normal, happy little self. I, on the other hand, am a complete wreck: the plastic surgeon he saw today reckons if we don’t have it fixed, his lip will be crooked when it heals, but I’m absolutely *terrified* of the thought of my baby having to have a GA. ⁣
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If you’re a long-time follower, you might know that I have a full-blown phobia of general anaesthetic (I literally had an elective c-section in order to eliminate the possibility of an emergency one, which might have had to be done under GA), so I just can’t get my head to accept that it’s safe and he’ll be fine 😥 ⁣
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Positive stories and advice very welcome: I’m just so terrified, I can’t even imagine how to get through the next 24 hours 😥😥😥

Totally unrelated photo, but we’ve...

#throwbackthursday to last week, when I needed a sunhat and SPF 50 to leave the house, rather than the current raincoat and wellies situation. Can you tell the post-holiday blues are still in full swing over here? 🌧 .
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#whatiwear #30plusblogs #everydaystyle #realoutfitgram  #scottishbloggers #fashionblogger  #fashionblog #fashionstyle #whatimwearing #stylegram  #outfitoftheday #personalstyle #todayiamwearing #styleinspiration 
#stylediaries #styleblogger #over30style

#throwbackthursday to last week, when...

I posted this on Stories over the weekend, but he looked so cute in it I figured it deserved a spot on the grid, too! This is Max all ready for his friend Eleah’s 1st birthday party on Saturday: despite the jetlag and his continuing obsession with doors of all kinds (He had an entire soft play at his disposal, but he mostly just wanted to open and close the gate into it...) he had an absolute ball, and spent the whole drive home shouting, “HAPPY! HAPPY!” Thanks to @thestirlingstyle for a great party 🥳 🎈 🎉 . (Oh, and that’s his hairbrush in his hand - boy likes to look his best 😉)
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#littlepiecesofchildhood #cameramama #chikdhoodeveryday #childofig #celebrate_childhood #babieswithstyle #ootdkids #fashionbaby #trendykids

I posted this on Stories...

We’re back home in not-so-sunny Scotland, but my feed is still stuck in Florida... New post is up on the blog (direct link in Stories..), talking about how we’ve been dealing with toddler jetlag, and why I always hate coming home after a trip...
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#myunicornlife #lifecolorfully #liveauthentic  #ABMlifeissweet #ABMhappylife #ABMlifeiscolorful #howyouglow #makeyousmilestyle #thegoodlist #thecolorwallproject #colorsplash #colorworld #colorsplurge #lovecolors #jj_colorlove #gf_colour #huntgramcolor #jj_colorful #tv_colors #pocketcolors #sunnypicchallenge #colorhunters #colorgram #colorfulllife #colorinspiration #brightcolors #colormyworld #colorinspiration #womeninframe #ihavethisthingforwalls

We’re back home in not-so-sunny...

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Pregnancy Diary | Week 32