may all your dreams come true

A Different Kind of Christmas

Christmas 2017 was always going to be a different kind of Christmas for us.

At almost 9 months pregnant, and with my planned c-section booked for just four days after Christmas day, I was feeling… well, let’s just go with, “slightly less than festive” shall we?

Actually, I was feeling huge, uncomfortable, and – oh yeah – TERRIFIED. Nothing like the sheer terror of knowing that in a few days you’ll be walking into hospital in order to be sliced open, to take some of the shine off Christmas day, is there? This probably falls into the category of “Things I Shouldn’t Admit on the Internet”, but I literally spent the entire day on the verge of tears, thinking it would probably be my last ever Christmas (Context: crippling health anxiety/tokophobia) – so THAT was fun, obviously. I was also very aware of the possibility that I could go into labour at any second, and have to rush off to hospital to die, so… yeah: this year was always going to be different.

It was, for instance, the first year in my life that I haven’t woken up in my parents house on Christmas morning, and it was also the first time in the course of our relationship that Terry and I didn’t spend the whole day together. Instead, we visited both families together in the morning, before going our separate ways in the afternoon, with Terry having Christmas dinner with his mum and siblings, while I headed back to my parents’ place for the rest of the day. It probably sounds a bit odd, but it meant that we both got to see everyone, and I got to have a bit of a rest in the middle of the day, so hey – it worked for us!

Enough about me, though: I mean, let’s face it – you’re all just here for the photos of my mum’s Christmas table, aren’t you? Well, here they are, with apologies for the quality of the photos: Terry had custody of our “real” camera for the day, so these were taken on my iPhone, in the usual December gloom:

may all your dreams come true

Christmas table 2017

Christmas place setting with holly berries

Christmas place setting

My mum would like it to be known here that this table setting was a last minute affair: she normally picks up bits and pieces for Christmas throughout the year, but this year she’s been slightly distracted by the imminent arrival of her first grandchild, not to mention her ongoing mission to buy up all the muslin squares in all the land, so she, and I quote, “Just couldn’t be bothered, really.”

So, she went for a simple candy-cane and holly theme, and given that my mum’s idea of “just throwing something together at the last minute,” is still approximately 100x better than what I’d manage even if I DID have all year to spend on it, I think she did pretty well, don’t you? Round of applause for my mum, please…

(And also for my dad: unfortunately I did manage to keep one Christmas tradition alive this year, and it was the one where I totally forget to photograph any of the food other than the sorbet, thus making it look like we just spend Christmas sitting around a beautiful table, without actually eating anything. We don’t, needless to say – Christmas dinner  was a joint effort from my parents, and it was just too tasty for me to stop and take photos of it: WHOOPS.)

Oh, and I didn’t bother to photograph my Christmas outfit either, because I’m not really sure you can call the only dress that still fits me an “outfit”, really, can you? I spent all of Christmas Eve diligently dodging cameras, so here’s the one and only photo of me from Christmas 2017:

gigantic baby bump

Yeah, standards are really slipping around these parts, aren’t they?

(Also, I said it when I posted this on Insta stories, but I’ll just say it again, for fear of judgement: NOT MY WINE GLASS. The champagne bottle, on the other hand, WAS partly mine, but it was the alcohol-free variety: roll on New Year, huh?)

Aaand that was our Christmas! And now it’s Wednesday, and, oh, hey, did I mention I’m having a baby in two days time? Because, guys, I AM HAVING A BABY IN TWO DAYS TIME, and I could not possibly be more excited OR more terrified. I mean, I can barely even speak at this point, that’s how terrified/excited I am. I can also barely work out how to wind up this post: I’m kind of painfully aware that if I die in childbirth (And I’m 100% sure that’s what’s going to happen), then this will be the last thing I ever publish here… and it’ll be a half-assed blog post, filled with blurry iPhone photos, including one of me looking like I’ve stuffed a beach ball up my dress as a joke.

On second thoughts, that’s actually quite an appropriate memorial, isn’t it?

Wish me luck, folks…

COMMENTS
  • Moira Matthews

    REPLY

    Amber, sending lots of love. Can’t wait to see what your mum does next year when there’s an extra place setting!

    December 27, 2017
  • Good luck, but you won’t need it because all will be fine! 🙂 x

    December 27, 2017
  • Good luck girl!! Can’t wait for your next post!

    December 27, 2017
  • Viridiana

    REPLY

    Good Luck Amber!

    December 27, 2017
  • Good luck! St Nicholas is one of the patron saints of children so I’ve asked him to hang round for you (I know he listens to me) and am looking forward to gorgeous baby pics in a little while x x x

    December 27, 2017
  • Samantha

    REPLY

    Wishing you so much luck. You’re doing amazing. Scary as C-sections are for us, for the medical team it’s their day job. I hope it goes flawlessly.

    December 27, 2017
  • Marie

    REPLY

    Your mum’s table is gorgeous!
    You’re on the home straight now, and in two days’ time you’ll have bossed giving birth and you’ll have your little son in your arms. You’ve got this!
    X

    December 27, 2017
  • Sally

    REPLY

    Good luck Amber & Terry! I know the waiting for a C-Section is unbelievably hard, but when the day comes I just put my trust in the professionals and went with the flow.. you will be kissing baba’s sweet little cheeks soon.

    All the best xx

    December 27, 2017
  • Sophikita

    REPLY

    Good luck Amber! Waiting is so hard. You’re going to be fine. Look forward to your next post xx

    December 27, 2017
  • Elaine

    REPLY

    Good luck Amber. Warmest wishes to you and all your family. Hope all goes extremely well xx

    December 27, 2017
  • Erin

    REPLY

    Sending all the good baby vibes, juju, and all that. You’ll do great, I know it <3 Can't wait to see the squishy baby and find out if he has red hair, or any hair!

    December 27, 2017
  • Good luck Amber. I had two emergency c-sections and all was/is well. My girls are now 17 and 14 years old! I look forward to hearing all about your new arrival. Much love, Lisa x

    December 27, 2017
  • Moni

    REPLY

    Love and hugs and best wishes to you and Terry!
    I’ll keep thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed!

    December 27, 2017
  • Kelly Glen

    REPLY

    Sending you and Terry lots of love and all the best for the next chapter in your life. I can’t wait to see what your little baby looks like. Tell you Mum she did an excellent job on the Christmas table decorations.

    December 27, 2017
  • gai

    REPLY

    You Will Do Beautifully! You are resilient, tough, smart, perseverant and practical–all traits that will get you through this set of circumstances. And, you’ll look fabulous doing it all. I’m looking forward to photos of you and your new wee son.
    Keep breathing and do what works for you, despite the “advice” against it.

    December 27, 2017
  • Teresa

    REPLY

    Hi Amber!
    Giving birth is a scary thing (I’m not even pregant and it scares me…), but I’m sure you’ll do fine! The medical staff at your hospital seem very understanding and professional, for them it’s just another day on the job. In two days you’ll have your baby boy in your arms and all of this anxiety will be over 🙂
    Lot’s of love!

    December 27, 2017
  • Myra

    REPLY

    I’m sure baby enjoyed your Christmas dinner as much as you did lol. Your mum is a creative tour de force and I agree, I can’t wait to see what she did next year for baby’s first Christmas.

    I am asking Arch Angel Michael to protect you and Arch Angel Raphael and all the healing angels to help. Can’t wait to see your baby, although I’m not sure how you feel about posting photos of him.

    All the best xx

    December 27, 2017
  • I’m so excited for you and happy about this baby! I’m honestly more excited than I have been when my actual friends have had babies. After following along this journey with you for so long now, I feel like we’re friends, although that’s probably weird to say. Wishing you the best of luck for a smooth birth and can’t wait to see photos and hear that all went well xx

    December 27, 2017
  • Lori L.

    REPLY

    Amber,
    Your mom’s table?! She should totally be an event planner! It beyond fabulous- but I seem to recall pics of Christmases past and it always is.
    As for your dad helping with the cooking? Well, I’m sure he did a fabulous job as well. We always have Christmas breakfast at our house and I made the tea this year! Yay me!
    Regarding your next few days – I loved the comment from Samantha – it’s the medical team’s day job – you will be fine and the baby will be also.
    Sending prayers your way for peace and health.

    December 27, 2017
  • Sarah B

    REPLY

    Wishing you all the best Amber! Sending much love your way! ❤️

    December 27, 2017
  • Barbara West

    REPLY

    Good luck, good wishes, and happy New Year, Amber!

    December 27, 2017
  • Sending oodles of love and good thoughts your way at this busy time!

    December 27, 2017
  • JoAnn Moran

    REPLY

    Lots of prayers and love. The journey is just beginning.

    December 27, 2017
  • Monika

    REPLY

    That was a very lovely Christmas Amber! Good luck for your C-Section! 🙂

    December 27, 2017
  • D. Johnson

    REPLY

    Oh Amber, you had me cracking up as usual! Wishing you all the good vibes and good luck I can summon. !!Cheers!! for your mom’s table. So simple yet elegant and festive- – and copy-able. Can’t wait for the new baby pics! I hope you can find some measure of peace and CALM in the next couple of days. Hoping Terry’s mom is doing OK also. Happy New Year, dear.

    December 27, 2017
  • Good luck, Amber! You´ll do great! Can´t wait to read your next post! xoxo

    December 27, 2017
  • so exciting! wishing you and Terry all the very best xxx

    December 27, 2017
  • Ester

    REPLY

    Wishing you and your family the best of luck and sending many, many warm wishes. Will keep thinking of you.

    Btw your mum’s Christmas table looks absolutely spectacular!

    December 27, 2017
  • Nellie

    REPLY

    My thoughts and good wishes are with you. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Can’t wait to see pictures of your new little guy.

    December 28, 2017
  • Tina

    REPLY

    Sending very best wishes look forward to your next chapter xxx

    December 28, 2017
  • Mucha suerte Amber! Good luck Amber! Sending you my best wishes from southern Spain ???

    December 28, 2017
  • Hana

    REPLY

    Sending out good vibes for the big day ahead! You will be fine, you’ll be in the best hands. Can’t wait for a first baby pic!

    December 28, 2017
  • All the best for tomorrow. Looking forward to hearing all about your tiny human soon. x

    December 28, 2017
  • Thinking of you these days and especially today of course! ?

    December 29, 2017
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