14 Strange Signs of the Apocalypse*
Lots of things have changed in the world since the Coronavirus pandemic started, but I think the moment it really hit home for me that, wow, OK, things are different now, was the day I logged onto the ASOS website for a quick browse, and, instead of seeing models posing as usual, there was just lots of slightly awkward looking photos of clothes shot against a plain backdrop, with no one in them. SPOOKY.
Here are some of the other random signs of the apocalypse I’ve noticed (*And yes, I know it’s not actually the apocalypse: settle down and let me have my drama, it’s the only fun I get these days…)
Fashion bloggers wearing sweatpants, and posting mirror-selfies, rather than professional street-style looks. (And STILL somehow managing to look 100x better than I do when I’m “dressed up”…)
Getting to see the inside of people’s houses when they’re interviewed on the news, because everything’s done by video call now. All those bookcases, though!
People opening their emails with, “I hope you’re staying safe,” rather than, “I hope you’re well.”
Getting spam emails from brands trying to flog face masks rather than fashion items.
There not being a sports section on the news any more – or a ‘funny’ item at the end of it.
Hearing an aeroplane fly overhead and actually getting up to look at it, because it’s so unusual to see one now.
Everyone insisting on getting their “daily exercise”, even although they’ve never shown even the slightest interest in exercise until now.
Neighbours only being on three times a week, instead of five times. I am NOT OK.
“Once all of this is over…” becoming our most-used phrase.
Everyone standing outside their front doors on a Thursday evening and applauding the NHS and other key workers.
Twitter being almost entirely just references to people’s banana bread.
Everyone’s hands being so dry and cracked that the panic-buying of hand gel will surely soon be followed by a mass shortage of hand cream.
Taped lines outside supermarket, to help people stay two metres apart when queuing.
Toddler PJs being sold out everywhere. (Before anyone yells at me for shopping, Max has outgrown his existing ones – he needs PJs, dammit!)
The internet constantly going down because so many people are using it. Or is that just us?
Only wearing makeup on the days you have a video call scheduled.
Having to carefully sanitise all of your grocery shopping when it arrives, and it being the biggest – and most stressful – thing that happens to you all week.
Your phone battery dying by lunchtime every day because you’ve been refreshing your news app (And, OK, Instagram…) since you woke up.