The Lockdown Diaries | Week 7 & 8 | The Fall

I’m a little bit behind with these diary entries right now: partly because there just aren’t enough hours in the day to keep up with everything, but also because it’s been a rough couple of weeks, really, which culminated on Wednesday afternoon with Max falling in the garden, and acquiring a nasty cut to the head.

It was one of those horrible moments in which time seems to simultaneously speed up and slow down, so while the moments that led up to the fall are still a bit of a blur, the fall itself seemed to happen in slow motion, allowing me to re-live it, frame by torturous frame, every time I close my eyes. In the muddled moments that followed it, we were absolutely sure we were going to have to take him to hospital to have it stitched: thankfully, though, once we managed to calm him down enough to let us get a good look at the cut, we realised it wasn’t quite as bad as we’d first feared. We had to shave a patch of his hair off to let us get a plaster on it, but he didn’t need medical attention, and, indeed, was attempting to climb over the top of the couch just a few minutes later, so THANK GOD FOR THAT, basically. 

Even though Max is absolutely fine, though, I have to admit, the whole thing has really shaken me: mostly because I know it could have been so much worse, and the details of just how much worse it could’ve been have been playing on a constant loop in my mind ever since it happened. I’m also, of course, really aware of how very close we came to having go enact the scenario I talked about in this post, in which Max and I, having had to leave the house and potentially expose ourselves to the virus, would now be having to isolate from Terry, and in which, instead of writing this post, and looking forward to a nice family dinner, and a Netflix binge once Max is in bed, I’d most likely be rocking back and forth in a corner somewhere, absolutely convinced I must have picked the virus up at the hospital, and, well, basically just waiting to die from it, really. 

I know that’s totally irrational, obviously. Even at the height of my anxiety, I know the chances are that I’d have been fine: and that even if I DID catch the virus, I’d be unlikely to die from it, not being in any of the high risk groups. Health anxiety, however, isn’t remotely rational: and I think it’s safe to say that health anxiety has taken the wheel right now, as far as I’m concerned. It’s been 8 weeks, but Scotland’s numbers are still too high for the lockdown to be relaxed, apparently: which means I continue to worry about the possibility of one of us (Particularly Terry…) catching it, and I’m still torn between wanting the lockdown to end, so I can at least see my parents, and knowing it’s safer if it doesn’t, however hard it might be.

all this and more print on glass stairwell In the meantime, though, the world outside our window seems to be gradually returning to something like normal. This week, for instance, the weather has been really warm, which has made it hard not to notice how many of the gardens around us have been filled with people who don’t live in the houses attached to them. At one point this week, you’d have struggled to park outside our house, because so many people had visitors round for drinks in the garden, and, at the weekend, the police had to break up a “stag party” party which seemed to involve a large percentage of the street.

We’re told by the Scottish government that it’s much too soon to relax the lockdown at all… but, going purely on what I see around me (And, OK, what I’ve been reading on Twitter…), a lot of people seem to already be assessing their own risk, and then doing as they please.  I don’t see that changing any time soon, either – which means I don’t really see ANYTHING changing any time soon, unfortunately. Last night Boris Johnson announced some changes to the rules in England, but, north of the Border, the lockdown goes on … and on, and on, and on. I know why it has to happen, and I do think it’s the right decision to continue with it … but that doesn’t make it any easier when my two year old is crying  for his grandparents, as he’s been doing more and more often, lately. And I can’t really blame him, either.

What about you? Are people observing lockdown where you are, or is it all starting to fall apart? 

[Photo by Ella Jardim on Unsplash]

Amber

COMMENTS
  • Vickie

    REPLY

    Oh nooooo, I can feel your fear from here. I’m so glad Max was ok. I’m starting to think the government actually want people to forget about the rules – herd immunity by the back door, as it were. It’s cruel. And if nurseries open on 1 June, will work expect me to send Felix? I really don’t think I can cope with the anxiety of waiting for him to get ill – which he will, immediately, if his first month there was anything to go by. We aren’t hugely at risk (both overweight but otherwise ok), but I honestly don’t think my mental health can take it.

    May 11, 2020
  • Suzanne

    REPLY

    It’s driving me mad that people seem to be doing their own thing and making up their own rules. The media didn’t help by encouraging street parties on VE Day. I am guilty of listening (and believing) everything I read on Twitter but I do think that the streets and parks are busier. I was the same as you this last week – it’s been my hardest yet.

    May 11, 2020
  • Emerald

    REPLY

    Stephen, my partner, is part of the “food chain” work-wise. But we’ve seen absolutely no one, save his good pal who stopped for a chat at the front gate. We’re not prepared to take the risk. Meanwhile I’ve noticed lots more people than usual along the Forth-Clyde canal. I cycle along it to my work in good weather, so it’s definitely something I’ve noticed. A lot more weaving around groups when I go out on my bike.

    I think the Scottish government is doing the right thing. As much as I’m looking forward to the lockdown bring over, I’d sooner get it over and done with now.

    Glad to hear Max is okay. That must have been a horrible fright!

    May 11, 2020
  • Brenda

    REPLY

    Amber! Your new website looks really great!

    I feel your pain with Max slicing his head open. When my daughter was 6 she fell out in our garden on a piece of slate and required 7 stitches to her knee. As if that weren’t bad enough, she couldn’t bend her knee for a couple weeks afterwards, lest she pull the stitches out. Ugh. I wouldn’t want to add all of that onto a pandemic, that’s for sure.

    In Canada, every province runs their own show when it comes to the lockdown. My province is re-opening in phases, with each phase being dependent on the success of the last one. People in my area are a little apprehensive about it. I think for the most part, people are pretty respectful of social distancing, which is showing in our low case numbers. Unfortunately, in other parts of the country, I’m not so sure. Just this morning, there were photos of the crowds in Vancouver, people taking advantage of the beautiful (finally!!) weather. No social distancing at all, it looked like business as usual. We’ll see in 14 days how things are. In Quebec, they are more vigorous in their re-opening efforts. They are re-opening schools, but when you see the list of rules that the classrooms must comply with, I honestly don’t know how it will work. I have heard that some people are just refusing to send their kids back. I feel sorry for the teachers who have to implement it.

    May 11, 2020
  • Kate

    REPLY

    My four year old son fell backwards on his chair the other day. He was totally fine but it was the same slow motion fall where I had already played out the worst case scenario (and lived all the fear and worry) before her even hit the floor. A bit of a cry and he was totally fine whereas I had to go hyperventilate somewhere. V relieved to hear Max is fine but sympathise with what you must have been feeling.

    I’m south and, while I hate it, I wish we had just kept the lockdown as is. I’m so completely confused by what the current rules are x

    May 11, 2020
  • Myra

    REPLY

    That must have been really scary when Max fell and hurt himself. It’s bad enough under normal circumstances, but under lockdown with the prospect of a hospital visit, it must have been terrifying. Glad he’s OK. You’re doing great, stay safe xx

    May 11, 2020
  • Fiona

    REPLY

    😍😍😍

    May 11, 2020
  • Porcelina

    REPLY

    Poor Max! It must have been very worrying for you Amber.
    Here in Wales we’re in line with Scotland, staying in lockdown for at least another 3 weeks. People have not been distancing locally here either, they’ve been having parties! Now our area has the highest proportion of cases in Wales (slow clap…)

    Xx

    May 11, 2020
  • Elle

    REPLY

    Everyone’s given up round here. I’d like to say they’ll see sense eventually but it’s just wishful thinking. It scares me that we can start meeting people from other households, we’re definitely on the way to a second peak. Love this post and enjoying the entries xx

    May 11, 2020
  • Miss Kitty

    REPLY

    Here in NZ we are starting to move out of lockdown in small stages, shops are reopening this week, schools will reopen next week, but there is still not meant to be gatherings of more than 10 people. But I have seen people outside their bubbles for weeks now, on Facebook etc, they’re hanging out with others who can’t possibly be part of the same bubble, or it’s a mighty big bubble if it is. Fortunately NZ has always had very low cases and virtually no community transmission, so I guess people have gotten relaxed about the rules.

    May 11, 2020
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