There’s No Place Like Gnome

Remember the saga of The Ducks?

For those of you who can’t be bothered clicking that link: a couple of years ago, while we were on holiday in Florida, rubber ducks started appearing in the bathroom I was using. I’d get up in the morning, or I’d return home in the evening, and there it would be – another duck, sitting there on the vanity, or on top of the medicine cabinet, the very picture of innocence.

Terry blamed my parents.

My parents blamed Terry.

The ducks… didn’t actually blame anyone. Because they were rubber ducks, yes?

Still they appeared. Eventually, right at the end of the holiday, my parents were unmasked as the evil masterminds of the duck invasion. I returned home that year with a suitcase full of rubber ducks, and vague plans to Get My Revenge someday. Then I forgot all about it, until this month, when my parents went to Florida without us (THE CHEEK!) and Terry and I crept into their house and did this:

Honestly, I laughed at this all night. Because I am 12. And I know you shouldn’t play favourites with the contents of a fridge, but  (*whispers*) the Diet Coke bottle (bottom left) is totally my favourite:

Gotta love that smile! (Sorry about the image quality, by the way: I didn’t have my camera with me, so these were taken on my phone!)

Anyway. This was on Friday. This morning, I was making coffee in the kitchen, when I happened to glance out of the back window to see this:

“Terry!” I yelled up the stairs. “Did you leave three gnomes in our garden? A green one, a blue one and a red one? Is this ringing any bells?”

“Oh yeah,” said Terry, all innocence. “I meant to say: I noticed them this morning when I got up: mystery, huh?” [Note: He was up before me: he had plenty of opportunities for gnome-placement…]

“Mystery my ass!” I retorted. “The only people with keys to the house are us and my parents. One of you has done this! Gnomes don’t just appear out of nowhere, do they?”*

Terry swore the gnomes had nothing to do with him, and that he’d never seen them in his life before. He blames my parents. He wasn’t very convincing, though, and it’s very much the kind of thing he would do, so I emailed my parents the photo, just to be sure.

“Awww, those are cute gnomes!” said my mum, before going on to explain that why, although they do have a key to our house (Our garden gates are tall ones, and can only be opened from the inside, so whoever placed the gnomes there either scaled the fence or came in through the house. Unless it was an eagle, obviously. That’s another possibility…), that key is just for emergencies, and they would NEVER use it for illegal gnome-smuggling purposes. She blamed Terry. She ALSO wasn’t particularly convincing, though, and she DOES have a track record with ducks, so it’s possible she’s turned her attentions to gnomes now, too.

(No word from my dad, yet: he’s still at work right now, but for a long time I suspected him of being a double agent in the Duck Saga, so he’s worth the watching, is all I’m saying.)

So: three gnomes have appeared out of nowhere. WHO IS THE CULPRIT? Also: what should I name them?

*This is actually unfair to gnomes: as you know, gnomes are made of magic which means they probably CAN appear out of nowhere. At the current time, I don’t feel I can discount any possibility. I mean, perhaps the gnomes are on their way somewhere? Perhaps they were being chased by a dragon? You just never really know with gnomes, and they consider it bad manners to ask, so I don’t think they’ll be revealing their secret anytime soon. In fact, I bet they’ll just say they heard nothing, saw nothing, said nothing…