Well, folks, I’ve identified the source of the rogue gnomes. I repeat: WE HAVE THE CULPRIT. Stand down the perimeter!
It happened last week. I was visiting my parents (Yeah, you knew they were going to be involved, didn’t you? Me too…), and while I was there, I popped into my old bedroom to dump my coat etc. As I opened the door, however, I heard the scurrying of panicked feet behind me, as my mum appeared and started running towards me, clearly hoping to block my access to the room. Well, I wasn’t having any of that, so just as she attempted to throw herself at the door, I pushed it open, and found myself faced with THIS:
As you can no doubt see, this gnome is very obviously related to the last gnome which had “mysteriously” appeared in our garden. Coincidence? I think not.
“Terry!” I shouted triumphantly, “Quick! I’ve found the source of the gnomes!” And indeed I had. My parents were forced to sheepishly admit what we’d known all along: that they were the driving force behind our gnome infestation problem. Ha! I knew we’d get them eventually! As for the little guy above, well, he was a “mercy purchase” according to my mum, who had discovered him and the bird-flipping gnome from the previous week, sitting together on a shelf at the garden centre.
“There was just the two of them,” she explained, “So I couldn’t leave him, could I? If I’d just bought the one gnome, this one would’ve been lonely. I couldn’t have a lonely gnome on my conscience!”
Well, there was no arguing with that (Hey, I wonder who I get my sentimental streak from?), so I brought the latest gnome home with me, and re-united him with his friend:
And they all lived happily ever after: well, until the Evil Gnome gets wind of their existence, anyway…
My parents have sworn they’re now out of the gnome-rustling business, so these should be the final occupants of our now rather crowded garden. (I mean, as well as all the gnomes, there’s also The Worm That Returned. If we go on like this, our garden will become a local tourist attraction, and people will call us ‘Those Crazy Gnome People’. Assuming they don’t do that already, obviously.) They still vehemently deny any involvement with The Evil Gnome, and I have to say, I believe them: The Evil Gnome just isn’t their style. Some of our friends, on the other hand…
(Last year I was sent a pair of earmuffs as a PR gift… Rubin assumed they were a toy, and liked them so much we had to buy him a pair of his own. He’s already destroyed one pair and is now onto the second: they are, without a doubt, the best “toy” he’s ever had…)
What did you get up to this week?