white IKEA kitchen with pale wood floor

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things



I honestly can’t even believe I’m about to write this, but, remember that time Terry and I managed to flood our entire house just a couple of weeks before Max was born, and so, instead of the organised, relaxed run-up I’d planned to the birth, we ended up having to replace our entire bedroom floor, plus quite a few ceilings?

Also, remember that other time we flooded the bathroom in our last house, and it brought down part of the living room ceiling with it?

Or, who could forget the time the hall flooded, and it turned out to be due to a mysterious blockage, that was so bad, we ended up having to dig up the entire hallway AND bathroom, and almost lost the stairs, too?

Remember how, after each of these floods, I was all, “Well, at least we know THAT can’t happen again, because we have surely used up all of our flood-related bad luck by now!” ?

Guys, it happened again.

I swear to God, I’m not making this up. I mean, I know it probably seems like I am, because seriously, HOW MANY TIMES CAN TWO PEOPLE FLOOD THEIR HOUSE, FFS?

Er, four, apparently. Four times. And, in our defence, only one of those times was actually our fault. This time? This time it was this guy:

broken washing machine

This is our washing machine, just in case it wasn’t obvious, and, last week, it broke down. This wasn’t even remotely unexpected: since Max arrived – and arrived with reflux, which lasted for the first 6 months of his life – that washing machine has been in near-constant use: so much so, in fact, that, a few weeks after Max was born, Terry actually called up to extend the warranty on it, in preparation for its inevitable future breakdown.

When that day finally arrived, we were honestly feeling pretty smug about our foresight in making sure it was still under warranty, so we called up Hotpoint, and, on Tuesday morning, a repair man duly arrived, and fixed the washing machine. Shortly after that, my parents arrived to take Max for the day, and Terry and I sprung into action, ready to start working our way through our respective To Do lists. The first item on mine was tackling the pile of laundry that had built up while the washing machine was out of commission, so I loaded up the machine, switched it on, and then headed upstairs to have a quick shower.

About thirty minutes later, I came back down to grab a coffee, and this was the sight waiting to greet me:

the floor ate my husbandYes, the floor tried to eat Terry, OMG!

Yeah, OK, no it didn’t. The floor isn’t the villain in this piece: that’s still very much the washing machine which had, almost as soon as I’d left it, decided to dramatically empty its contents onto our lovely floor. You know, the one that we JUST GOT last year? Here is actual video footage of me finding out it was all going to have to be ripped up, and maybe even replaced:


Luckily, by the time I arrived on the scene, Terry – who’d been alerted to the latest flood by the now-familiar sound of water running in a place it definitely shouldn’t be – had already invoked our Flooded House protocol, and all of the spare towels were on the floor, busily soaking up the last of the water, while he did his best to take up the worst affected planks. I, meanwhile, just stood around helplessly, wailing that it WASN’T FAIR, and SERIOUSLY, THO, HOW MANY TIMES CAN THIS HAPPEN?


And, again: FOUR TIMES IT CAN HAPPEN. And, indeed HAS happened. Maybe even more times, too, because, let’s face it: our flood-related bad luck has most definitely NOT run out yet, has it? I mean, I’ve now written so many blog posts about flooding my freaking house that I’ve literally just had to set up a special category JUST FOR THEM. Honestly, I know people say bloggers should have a niche, but I’m not sure, “flooding houses” is the kind of thing they mean by that? And yet, here we are: dangerously close to a point where, if my name ever comes up in conversation, people will be all, “Oh, yeah, Forever Amber: she’s the one who just blogs about flooding her house all the time, isn’t she?



As I said, Terry took up the planks closest to the washing machine, in a bid to stop them being damaged by the water, and, also, to allow him to see how far the flood had spread.

“Maybe it won’t be as bad as we fear!” we thought optimistically, as he pulled up the last board.

Yeah, it was as bad as we’d feared. The water had gotten under the floor, and had spread almost to the kitchen door, and almost halfway up the room towards the living room. What’s more, if it DOES need to be taken up and replaced, it seems it’s not quite as simple as just replacing a few boards: no, quite a large section of the floor would have to come up, apparently. The floor that, lest we forget, is almost BRAND FREAKING NEW.

(Oh, and yeah, it can only really have been the fault of the washing machine repair guy, basically, because, when we called him in, it was because the machine wasn’t working AT ALL, not because it was flooding the kitchen. Our best guess is that, when he pulled it out to fix it, he didn’t reconnected it properly, hence the leak. We have yet to speak to the company about it, though – or, indeed, our insurance company – because we’ve been so busy trying to save the floor, but we will. Oh, we will.)


So. Part of the floor got taken up, and part of it got kind of propped up a bit, to let the air circulate under it, and dry it out. Naturally, these were the parts of the floor next to the cooker, fridge and microwave, because OF COURSE they were.

flooded kitchen floor

(It’s actually mucyh worse than it looks here, because more planks have come up since this was taken, and we can’t step on the propped-up boards without risking them breaking under us, so getting around the kitchen is a lot of fun, seriously.)

The rest of the kitchen, meanwhile, looks like a bombsite, and I guess the one saving grace here is that we ARE, at least, totally used to living like this, because it’s just eight months since the LAST flood, which ALSO rendered large  parts of the house inaccessible. Win!

(Also, I don’t know what YOU would do if your kitchen flooded, but what WE did was to immediately invite round the health visitor to see Max (Scheduled 8-month check-up, which we didn’t have time to cancel. I bet she was super-impressed to find us raising him in a home without a working kitchen or decent floors), the boiler repair man (Scheduled boiler service, which we forgot to cancel, and which was particularly interesting, given that the boiler is ALSO in the part of the kitchen that’s now hard to access…), the hairdresser (Our friend Carol, who came to cut Max and Terry’s hair, and who is used to finding our house in this kind of state, having also been present for the Great Flood of 2017…), and my parents, who arrived to take Max to a house that doesn’t get flooded every few months. All of these people arrived more or less simultaneously, and that’s why Terry isn’t allowed to make appointments any more….)

So. At the time of writing, the floor is still up, and we’re just waiting to see how bad the damage is going to be. The best case scenario is that we get super-lucky, and, once the floor dries out, will be able to just put the planks back down again, like nothing ever happened. The worst case scenario, meanwhile, is that… well, let’s just hope the house insurance covers it, hmmm? (No, we haven’t checked yet. We’re too scared.)

And this, my friends, is why we can’t have nice things. Because, sooner or later, we’ll just flood them, won’t we? And, I mean, just last week I was talking to Terry about how the stair carpet is looking REALLY worn, but honestly, rather than replacing it – and then inevitably having to replace it AGAIN when it gets destroyed by the NEXT flood – I’m really tempted to just rip it up, and paint the stairs white instead. (I’m 100% serious about this, by the way. I mean, even if I didn’t work out, it wouldn’t really matter, because it’s just going to get flooded at some point, anyway, isn’t it? Also, something this would be awesome, and, if it was up to me, I’d be ripping up that carpet right now, not even joking…) Before we can start thinking about the stairs, though, we have to first of all think about the kitchen floor, so please, if you will, join me in praying for its safe recovery – and, in the meantime, feel free to follow me on Instagram, where I’ll be continuing to whine about this event on my Stories, while looking into changing my user name to @thegirlwiththeconstantlyfloodedhouse.

Oh, and P.S. – if you were one the many people who messaged me about my screwed-up blog yesterday, it was because I wrote this entire post, then somehow managed to delete it by mistake, then publish the now-blank page, before trashing it, recovering it from the trash, publishing it again as another blank page, and then repeatedly bashing my head against the desk, before sitting down to re-write 1,600 words about a flood.

Can I please just start this week over?

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books by Amber Eve
  • Your washing machine looks suspiciously like our brand new washer-dryer which was just delivered this morning, so I’m reading this with an icy chill of fear making its way down my spine…

    September 14, 2018
  • Didn’t you get waterproof flooring for this very scenario? Or was that the upstairs floor? Hope it’s all getting sorted now and fingers crossed your insurance covers it! x

    September 14, 2018
  • Oh bless you, I honestly cannot imagine how it feels to flood your house 4 times and then have to replace everything that was damaged, BUT at least this time it wasn’t your fault. How are you supposed to know the repair man wouldn’t connect the washing machine properly? I hope it all gets fixed with the most minimal stress ever!

    Jodie // jodieloue.com

    September 14, 2018
  • Jennifer


    I think that the repair company may be responsible for the damage. I’m sure your insurance company will try to get them to cover the cost.
    I’m sorry that this happened to you guys again. Hang in there hopefully it’ll be quickly resolved.

    September 14, 2018
  • Myra


    Nightmare! Trying to raise a child, run two businesses, and a house and this happens again. On the bright side, you have the nounce to sort it out in double quick time. Hope it goes well and you are soon back to normal.

    September 14, 2018
  • Oh no! Sorry this happened!
    I hope it gets sorted out quickly!!

    Debs @ https://tiger-mint.com

    September 14, 2018
  • My parents flooded their kitchen last year. Well, technically the dishwasher repairman flooded their kitchen. He didn’t reconnect the dishwasher properly and water went everywhere. The company was responsible for all the repairs so maybe it will be the same for you. Even if that is the case, what a hassle. I know having your house flood four times is absolutely miserable but boy, you can create very funny blog posts out of it! This is why I follow your blog. (Not for the floods, I hasten to add, but for your writing ability.)

    September 14, 2018
  • Dear lord, you guys cannot catch a break! At least it makes for interesting blog content 😉 As crappy as it is, I love reading your posts about things like this (not that I want your house to keep flooding!). You write in such a relatable way that is so refreshing. I really want to know if you guys ever do talk to the washer repair company, because I want them to pay!!!

    September 14, 2018
  • Lila Athanaselis


    This has happened to us before a few times but we have vinyl (linoleum) and it only ever needed the towels down part.
    I do hope you can save your lovely wooden floor ?
    With today’s weather a flood is very appropriate, as are tears ?
    I am sure with your quick thinking the damage will be minimal. I would definitely put the blame on the repair man, simple error and a huge upheaval for you all, don’t let them get away with that ?❤️

    September 14, 2018
  • I don’t think “Flooding my house” is a niche I´d go or, although there is probably very little competition! Fingers crossed you’ll be fine.

    Anne – Linda, Libra, Loca

    September 15, 2018
  • Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!!! I flooded my garage (where I have my washer and dryer) the day my dad was going to visit and I was trying so hard to have my house PERFECTLY CLEAN, because of course that is when those things happen.

    Though I kind of think you should do a special category for house disasters because at this point it’s like you are living a sitcom life, ha.

    September 15, 2018
  • I feel so sorry for you! And nervous because my dishwasher has started to leak and also my washing machine is not draining….

    September 18, 2018
  • Hazel Ann


    The blog name must be changed to flooded amber ?

    September 18, 2018
  • I am seriously hoping you can recover the floor, but because it is a laminate it soaks up water like a sponge. It’s unlikely, yes.

    Seeing as you are utterly cursed with floods, I would highly recommend choosing a Luxury Vinyl Plank which you can essentially dry off and lay back down if it were to happen again. They don’t even need to be glued (though it is recommended in high-traffic areas.)

    Wishing you luck with your flooding crisis!

    September 18, 2018