Morning Coffee Lemsip

Well, folks, as you can probably tell by the title and photo, this week’s Morning Coffee is brought to you by the power of Lemsip (Well, Co-Operative own brand Cold & Flu Relief Powder for Oral Suspension, to be more accurate. Snappy name, huh?), plus about a thousand tissues. Yep, I’m sick. Again.

This week marked the return of the lurgy which made its debut in the very first episode of ‘Morning Coffee’. Er, I’ve no idea why I’m referring to them as “episodes’, like I’m starring in my own private soap opera or something, but let’s just say that if I WAS staring in a soap opera, this lurgy would turn out to be the evil twin of that earlier lurgy. It’s characterised by a sore throat, a simultaneously runny and blocked nose, and… it’s basically a head cold, is what I’m trying to say. Because I am me, though, and I don’t just get ordinary head colds (*turns up nose*), I’ve been feeling like hell for the past couple of days. At one point I couldn’t even muster the energy for online shopping, THAT’S how bad it was.

(I know you’re not supposed to complain about a common cold, because worse things happen at sea, people dying all over the world, etc etc. Let’s be honest, though: the cold sucks. I mean, it does, doesn’t it?)

(When I got the camera out, Rubin wanted to be in the photo, so here he is, to break up the whining…)

The cold wasn’t the only thing wrong with me this week, though. No, it was actually a real catalogue of disasters. I should probably have just stayed in bed, to be honest, but considering that I haven’t actually been able to sleep on account of the whole runny nose/tickly throat/feeling like hell thing, there wouldn’t have been much point. In addition to the cold:

First came the knee.

I’ve no idea how I hurt my knee: the top theory is that the injury was caused by my constant kneeling on cold, hard floors, in order to clean them. It could also be some other, more mysterious injury, though, and I’m not going to ask Dr Google, because he will say it’s cancer. He ALWAYS says it’s cancer, doesn’t he?

Then came the toe.

I’ve no idea how I hurt my toe either. Top theory with THIS one is that I did it while running, but, again, who really knows? Not me, not Dr Google, and please guys, not you either. As in, please don’t comment to tell me your great auntie Ethel’s cousin’s friend’s dog’s brother once had a sore toe, and now he’s dead, because you know when I say I have health anxiety? I ACTUALLY have health anxiety. So when people tell me I might have something, it triggers an anxiety attack, during which I will totally freak the hell out. (God, I hope my Enemies don’t read this, or they’ll know my weakness! That and the crabs, obviously…)

Then came the back.

I actually DO know how I hurt my back: I was bending down to pick something up off the floor (probably one of Rubin’s toys), and I somehow managed to twist my back in an awkward way. (I can make ANYTHING awkward, can’t I? Even tidying up!) Cue the kind of back pain that would’ve made it hard to sleep, only it didn’t, because I wasn’t sleeping anyway, on account of my old friend…

The Lurgy!

Give it up for the lurgy, people! It’s back, and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, so neither am I, basically. Except back to bed, obviously. With my Lemsip, and my cough drops, and also quite a lot of chocolate, because as we all know, calories consumed while ill totally don’t count. Still, at least the knee, toe and back are all feeling much better, so, hey: it could be worse! I could have Ebola, for instance. Don’t think I haven’t been worrying about it.

And that was my week. Oh, and also: boring kitchen/bathroom stuff. No, they’re not done yet. No, I don’t think they ever will be, really. On the plus side, this week the powder room finally has a floor! And, after a lot of deliberation, we also managed to pick out tile for the wall behind the toilet… I know to those of you who are used to living with fully-functioning toilets, these will seem like small things, but we’ve been working on this room for so long now it’s almost like Terry and I are visitors from an age without indoor plumbing, so it’s kinda blowing our minds. Top tip: if you ever want to feel really good about your house, just totally pull it apart, and then attempt to live like that for a few weeks. Once you put it back together again, it won’t matter what it looks like: it’ll feel like you’re living in a palace, compared to the previous mess!

How was your week? Lurgy-free, I hope?