Well, folks, it turns out that looking like a student was the very least of my worries. Just for the record, I probably still do look like a student – but I’ve now been informed that I now look “butch” and “ugly” too. Which is, you know… nice.

You see, way the hell back in August, I wrote this column for Shoewawa. For the benefit of those of you who really couldn’t give a damn about shoes (!), allow me to summarize: it was about trainers. More specifically, it was about my abiding hatred of them. It’s true, I really don’t like trainers. Sure, I wear them for the gym, where I have absolutely no choice in the matter, but it’s always been my firm belief that trainers are only for the gym. I would not, for instance, wear them to go shopping in. Or out to dinner. In fact, I wouldn’t wear them anywhere I wasn’t going to be engaging in some form of physical exercise, such is my dislike of them.

In stating this dislike, though, I was very careful to try not to offend the trainer-lovers, and to make it clear that this was just a personal preference, and no reflection on them and their beloved footwear. In fact, I even went so far as to say that I think trainers can and do look good on other people. Just not on me. This is MY irrational hatred you see, and I was talking about myself, so if you like trainers, then good for you: wear them with pride, and may you have much joy of them. Just don’t expect me to do likewise.

Today I wanted to link to that entry from something else I was writing it, so I went back to it and decided to take a quick look to see if any new comments had been added since the last time I viewed it.  One had: a comment by a girl called “Saelynne”. Here is what “Saelynne” had to say about me:

“You look butch enough to pull off trainers.
Only pretty girls can wear heels or ballet flats & look cute.
You my dear are definatly not one of them.”

So, bringing my powerful intellect to bear on this statement, I dunno, but I don’t think Saelynne likes me, do you?

Now, I would be lying if I said this comment didn’t sting just a little. I mean, one minute I’m being told I look like a student, the next I’m a dog-rough, “butch” looking student to boot. Looks like that lucrative modelling career I’ve been planning will have to go on hold, then. And was that my ego I just saw limping out of the room there?

Now,  at first I thought this I had inadvertently managed to offend one of the trainer-lovers after all. I seem to do this quite a lot, and not just to the trainer-lovers: there’s a freakishly large number of people out there who just CAN’T STAND the idea that some people have different taste from them – hence the fact that when I wrote about a dress I didn’t like last week, someone emailed me to say that I was obviously just saying that about it because I am fat. So, let’s see, what do we have so far: I’m fat, ugly, butch, and I look like a student. Thanks, Internet! Love you too!

Anyway, Saelynne wasn’t actually disagreeing with me about the trainers (in fact, trainers are the only shoes I should wear, according to her, because I’m too “butch” for heels. Looks like there’s a whole lotta size 4 stilettos coming to an eBay auction near you, folks: get ’em while they’re hot!). So she was just a random, spiteful bitch. Wow. I mean, I’ve always known that if assholes could fly, the Internet would be an airport, but sometimes amazes me the lengths people will go to to prove what assholes they really are. Also, the fact that there are STILL people who don’t know how to spell “definitely” correctly is pretty amazing too. (I know, I know, it was a cheap shot. She wasn’t brave enough to put her photo up above her comment, like I did on my post, though, so it’s all I’ve got to go on. That and the fact that she’s a complete freaking loon, obviously.)

And while I guess I should be flattered that people like “Saelynne” consider me to be so important that a few words from me about shoes is enough to turn them into raving lunatics, I’m thinking that “influential among crazy people” probably isn’t too much of an accolade, is it? Not really one to write home about. Women, huh?

This is Fat Amber, the Butch Blogger, signing out…

  1. Don't you mind that dumb-ass freak!!
    As you outlined just right, there are some people in the world that feel the need to show their stupidity in public. And I'm sure you know she's not right at all, not one stupid word of hers!
    You do a great job, there are plenty of people reading your posts every day and loving them! (I do!) Actually, you shouldn't even waste a second of your life bothering about the nasty stuff people may say about you, they're not worth your time.
    Even if sometimes I don't agree 100% with your opinion on things, your posts are well-written commentaries that are fun to read. I think you're fab!

  2. If you were "butch," its definition in every dictionary would have to be re-written as "thin and beautiful." As it stands now, dictionaries can now include: "Saelynne (pronunciation unknown) n. : An anonymous internet commenter who's observations are of complete opposite of reality. Synonymous with 'contrarian indicator.'"

  3. I don't even see how someone can read "butch" into a picture of a girl with long hair who writes for a blog about SHOES. Because you know, that's TOTALLY butch. I keep a running list in my head of my favorite redheads (what? doesn't everybody? gosh) the top 2 is tied between The Little Mermaid and my mom but I read like three of your blogs and you're winning a spot on the list.

    I agree with you about sneakers by the way though, I think they can only be cute in a sort of tomboy-ish way, and I think that there's an age at which you just have to grow out of the tomboy thing. I'd say the cutoff is at about 21 (notice Lily Allen totally traded in her Nikes for Louboutins?), but I'm 19 and I feel like I hit the point like a year ago and all my cute Nikes just make me feel silly. Although Keds on the other hand, those are supercute and still pretty stylish (they were huge in NY last year, even in the winter).

  4. Honey, my 12 year old daughter is going to be furious when she hears about this – she thinks you're sooooooooo pretty! As do I – keep up the good work, I love your blog.

  5. Butch? That is hilarious! Amber, you are as near to doll-like as a grown woman could ever be and despite your ginger hair (JOKING!, you are a very pretty woman at that! As for the fat and ugly comments, well, they were just said to sting you, I don't have to tell you that its total bullshit!

  6. Good God, how could anyone consider you ugly? u look like a doll! haha, i'm actually a big fan of your writings.. i've just found out that you are the person behind shoewawa, love'em shoes! cheers from Jakarta!

  7. Thanks for the comments, everyone – you're all lovely, and have made me feel much less "butch". And, I mean, I could have given her the "ugly" point, but BUTCH?!

  8. Ahhh, i remember those sorts of comments.

    During my tenure at youknowwhere I was called a slut (because I hate Pete Doherty) and accused of trying to defraud readers into buying a fake Chloe bag that I OBVIOUSLY must have posted on purpose for my own financial gain. (innocent mistakes do not exist on the internet, apparently).

    Amber, you are honestly the antithesis of butch. You are very cute and pretty, and though it's not always easy to gauge from an avatar, I've always gotten an impression of daintyness.

    So, basically, this girl must be teenage and bitter. I bet she listens to Emo. teehee

  9. HI Amber, first of all I want to say that I don´t agree with those unflattering comments about ugly, fat and butch. I came to know you because my stepdaughter was complaining yesterday about the same thing you mention: some people still asks her if she´s a student. She is a 26 year old young woman, very independent and mature, and still people look at her "outside" and make the fatal question. But note that I used the work still, because in the past it was even more, not only they thought she´s a student but also she wasn´t respected as an adult at the workplace. She got very long hair at that time and I advised her to get a new haircut, something more mature looking like a shaggy chic bob.She did and it worked in a way, but still there´s something to do, maybe with clothes style, accessories or the like. But, anyway, I don´t think that it´s a problem at all, I know it is annoying for you now, but in the future you will miss that :D…

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