The Boy Scout Moto
Remember this post, in which I listed a whole bunch of ASOS dresses, which I then proceeded to slowly but surely work my way through buying, almost as if that post had, in fact, been a shopping list, rather than a wish list?
Er, you didn’t know I’d been buying all the dresses, did you? Well, to be fair, I didn’t buy ALL of them. I didn’t get the green bridesmaid-y one, or the last, pouffy one, for instance. And I don’t intend to, either, because SERIOUSLY, AMBER, ENOUGH ALREADY. I did kind of, sort of buy the rest, though. It was almost like one of those ’30 by 30′, or ’40 by 40′ challenges people do, where they challenge themselves to do a set number of things by the time they reach the corresponding age (Aside: I always wonder what those people will do if they live to be 100. It would be a total bummer to wake up on your 99th birthday and realise you had 100 things you HAD to do in the next year, wouldn’t it? You’d be all, “Give me a break here, seriously…”), only in this case it was more like a ‘4 Dresses by the End of the Summer’ challenge. When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound so bad, does it? I wish I HAD put it like that now. In fact, let’s start this post again, shall we?
Remember that ‘Four by August’ challenge I was doing? YOU GUYS, I DID IT! Yay! The final dress in the, er, challenge, arrived this week:
Yeah, it’s the lemon “bridesmaid’s” dress, although I prefer to think of it as the “Dress That COULD Be Worn By a Bridesmaid, But Which Could Also Be Worn By Someone Who Doesn’t Even Have an Wedding to Go to This Summer.” (Note: this is almost sold out in lemon, but they also released it in a bunch of other colours. Just to annoy me.) Also, it was £20 on eBay, with no other bids, and if you think I have the willpower to resist that, then you obviously didn’t read the post about the Topshop skirt, did you?
Anyway, here’s what I had to say about this dress when I first wrote about it:
I LITERALLY DIED when I saw this dress, people. Literally. Died. It’s so pretty! And so floaty! And would look so great with red lips and gold sandals, and I really, really want it, but where would I wear a strapless lemon dress? That’s actually part of the ASOS Wedding Collection? As in, they’re expecting bridesmaids to wear it?
Well, it looks like I’m going to have to come up with an answer to that question, doesn’t it? Obviously I’ve done some thinking about it, and while I know “thinking” isn’t one of my strong points, I think I’ve come up with a plan. The plan is to take the dress with me to L.A. later this year (I mean, it’s as light as a feather: Terry won’t even notice it in his suitcase. Or I hope not, anyway, because I’m going to need the space in mine for the 57 other dresses I’m planning to take…). Once there, I will become famous. Er, this part of the plan is still a little bit hazy, to be honest, but where there’s a dress, there’s a way, right? Once I’m famous, I will be invited to tons of glamorous parties, one of which will be held at one of those amazing houses in the hills – you know the ones with the infinity pool, and the view? It’ll be this house, in fact. This very house.
And I will wear the dress to the glamorous party at this house, and then those of you who’re all, “What the hell was Amber thinking? When will she ever wear a lemon bridesmaid’s dress?” will soon change your tune, won’t you? THEN you’ll be all, “Wow, that was some smart planning by Amber: it’s almost like she KNEW something like this would happen, and that she would need this very dress for it! I guess that’s why she’s a world-famous somethingsomething [Still not clear what I’ll be becoming famous for. I hope it’s not tripping over the hem of my bridesmaid’s dress and landing on my ass, though, because that would be SO like me, wouldn’t it?], who is always prepared for every eventuality!”
It’ll be something like that, anyway. Either that or I’ll just wear the dress to something totally inappropriate, and people will wonder whose wedding I ran away from. It’ll probably be the second scenario, let’s be honest. If the first one does come to pass, though, at least I’ll be prepared: it’s the boy scout’s motto – and also mine…